Day: January 9, 2011

Funny Hilarious Quotes

Posted on January 9, 2011January 9, 2011 by

– “They didn’t let me out, they just gave me a day pass.”

– “Anger is merely depression without enthusiasm.”

– “When God made man, she was only joking.”

– “I don’t drink; it dulls the drugs.”

– “God must love stupid people- he made so many!”

– “I like children. Properly cooked.”

– “Mirrors can’t talk. And lucky for you they can’t laugh.”

– “I wish I could kill the sexiest person alive but suicide is a crime!”

– “Adults are just kids with money.”

– “TGIF- Thank God I’m female.”

– “Someday your prince will come. Mine took a wrong turn and is too stubborn to ask for directions.”

– “Keep honking! I’m reloading!”

– “Never put off till tomorrow what you can avoid altogether.”

– “Do unto others before they do unto you.”

– “Nothing is illegal until you get caught.”

– “Be nice to your kids, they’ll chose your nursing home.”

– “If it seems too good to be true, it probably is.”

– “If you can’t beat them, arrange to have them beaten.”

– “When I want your opinion, I’ll beat it out of you.”

– “Men are idiots and I married their king.”

– “You can pick your nose and pick your friends but you can’t wipe your friends on the couch.”

– “Behind every good man, there is a good woman. And behind every good woman, there’s another man looking at her butt.”

– “I see dumb people.”

– “Follow your dreams… except the one when you’re at school in your underwear.”

– “If your parents never had children, chances are you won’t either.”

– “Behind every successful man, there is a surprised woman.”

– “The more I know about men, the more I admire dogs.”

– “They keep saying the right person will come along; I think a truck hit mine.”

– “Death is life’s way of telling you you’re fired.”

– “If it weren’t for people like you, nobody else would have an above average IQ.”

– “Who died and made you Darth Vader?”

– “Too many freaks, not enough circus’s!”

– “Some people are only alive because it’s illegal to kill.”

– “I took an IQ test and the results were negative.”

– “I may be fat, but you’re ugly – I can lose weight!”

– “I’m not littering…. I’m donating to the earth.”

– “If you don’t like the way I drive, stay off the sidewalk.”

– “DARE to keep cops off doughnuts.”

– “Your child may be an honor student, but you’re still an idiot.”

– “Doctors say I have a multiple personality, but we don’t agree with that.”

– “Don’t judge a book by its movie.”

– “Getting on your feet requires getting off your butt.”

– “My child sold your HONOR STUDENT the answers to the test.”

– “If you have something to say, raise your hand. Then place it over your mouth.”

– “Objects in mirror are dumber than they appear.”

– “I’m the kind of person my parents want me to stay away from.”

– “Boys will be boys … so will a lot of middle aged men.”

– “Why do people say “no offense” when they’re about to offend someone?”

Anger Quotes

Posted on January 9, 2011January 9, 2011 by

– “If a small thing has the power to make you angry, does that not indicate something about your size?” – Sydney J. Harris

– “There is nothing more galling to angry people than the coolness of those on whom they wish to vent their spleen.” – Alexandre Dumas

– “Life is too short to hold a grudge, also too long.” – Robert Brault

– “He who angers you conquers you.” – Elizabeth Kenny

– “For every minute you are angry, you lose sixty seconds of happiness.” – Unknown

– “Anger is one letter short of danger.” – Unknown

– “Anger ventilated often hurries toward forgiveness; and concealed often hardens into revenge.” – Edward G. Bulwer-Lytton

– “People who fly into a rage always make a bad landing.” – Will Rogers

– “Never write a letter while you are angry.” – Chinese Proverb

– “Get mad, then get over it.” – Colin Powell

– “The world needs anger. The world often continues to allow evil because it isn’t angry enough.” – Bede Jarrett

– “Never go to bed mad. Stay up and fight.” – Phyllis Diller, Phyllis Diller’s Housekeeping Hints, 1966

– “In certain trying circumstances, urgent circumstances, desperate circumstances, profanity furnishes a relief denied even to prayer.” – Mark Twain

– “Resentment is like taking poison and waiting for the other person to die.” – Malachy McCourt

– “Take no revenge that you have not pondered beneath a starry sky, or on a canyon overlook, or to the lapping of waves and the mewing of a distant gull.” – Robert Brault

– “If you kick a stone in anger, you’ll hurt your own foot.” – Korean Proverb

– “Not the fastest horse can catch a word spoken in anger.” – Chinese Proverb

– “Anger dwells only in the bosom of fools.” – Albert Einstein

– “No man can think clearly when his fists are clenched.” – George Jean Nathan

– “Anger is short-lived madness.” – Horace

– “Anger and jealousy can no more bear to lose sight of their objects than love.” – George Eliot

– “Do not teach your children never to be angry; teach them how to be angry.” – Lyman Abbott

– “Anger blows out the lamp of the mind.” – Robert G. Ingersoll

– “Sometimes when I’m angry I have the right to be angry, but that doesn’t give me the right to be cruel.” – Unknown

– “Next time you’re mad, try dancing out your anger.” – Sweetpea Tyler

– “Spite is never lonely; envy always tags along.” – Mignon McLaughlin, The Neurotic’s Notebook, 1960

– “Always write angry letters to your enemies. Never mail them.” – James Fallows

– “At the core of all anger is a need that is not being fulfilled.” – Marshall B. Rosenberg

– “Anger and folly walk cheek by jole.” – Benjamin Franklin

– “Temper tantrums, however fun they may be to throw, rarely solve whatever problem is causing them.” – Lemony Snicket

– “I don’t have to attend every argument I’m invited to.” – Unknown

– “Can anger survive without his hypocrisy?” – Jareb Teague

– “Holding on to anger is like grasping a hot coal with the intent of throwing it at someone else; you are the one who gets burned.” – Buddha

– “Malice drinks one-half of its own poison.” – Seneca

– “Anger is a killing thing: it kills the man who angers, for each rage leaves him less than he had been before – it takes something from him.” – Louis L’Armour

– “Never strike your wife – even with a flower.” – Hindu Proverb

– “Speak when you are angry and you will make the best speech you will ever regret.” – Ambrose Bierce

– “When angry, count four; when very angry, swear.” – Mark Twain, Pudd’nhead Wilson, 1894

– “Anger is a bad counselor.” – French Proverb

– “Resentment is an extremely bitter diet, and eventually poisonous. I have no desire to make my own toxins.” – Neil Kinnock

– “The worst-tempered people I’ve ever met were people who knew they were wrong.” – Wilson Mizner

– “To carry a grudge is like being stung to death by one bee.” – William H. Walton

– “The best remedy for a short temper is a long walk.” – Jacqueline Schiff

– “When a man sends you an impudent letter, sit right down and give it back to him with interest ten times compounded, and then throw both letters in the wastebasket.” – Elbert Hubbard

– “Consider how much more you often suffer from your anger and grief, than from those very things for which you are angry and grieved.” – Marcus Antonius