Funny Quotes to Make You Smile

– “Whoever said ‘nothing is impossible’ never tried to nail jell-o to a tree.” – Lisa Bryant

– “A smile confuses an approaching frown.” – Anonymous

– “The best measure of a man’s honesty isn’t his income tax return. It’s the zero adjust on his bathroom scale.” – Arthur C. Clarke

– “Smile. Have you ever noticed how easily puppies make human friends? Yet all they do is wag their tails and fall over.” – Walter Anderson

– “Lots of people want to ride with you in the limo, but what you want is someone who will take the bus with you when the limo breaks down.” – Oprah Winfrey

– “Start every day with a smile and get it over with.” – W.C. Fields

– “Forgiveness is a funny thing. It warms the heart and cools the sting.” – William Arthur Ward

– “If there were no God, it would have been necessary to invent him.” – Voltaire

– “I find television very educational. Every time someone turns it on, I go in the other room and read a book.” – Groucho Marx

– “If you are going through hell, keep going.” – Winston Churchill

– “You’ll be richer in the end than a prince, if you’re a friend.” – Edgar A. Guest

– “Hosting the Oscars is much like making love to a woman. It’s something I only get to do when Billy Crystal is out of town.” – Steve Martin

– “Do not listen to those who weep and complain, for their disease is contagious.” – Og Mandino

– “So, if you feel a smile begin, don’t leave it undetected, let’s start an epidemic quick, and get the world infected!” – Russel H. Conwell

– “Men want the same thing from their underwear that they want from women: a little bit of support, and a little bit of freedom.” – Jerry Seinfeld

– “Age is an issue of mind over matter. If you don’t mind, it doesn’t matter.” – Mark Twain

– “First the doctor told me the good news: I was going to have a disease named after me.” – Steve Martin

– “A man is not paid for having a head and hands, but for using them.” – Elbert Hubbard

– “When a man steals your wife there is no better revenge than to let him keep her.” – Sacha Guitry

– “If you don’t understand how a woman could both love her sister dearly and want to wring her neck at the same time, then you were probably an only child.” – Linda Sunshine