Day: October 26, 2010

Funny Women T-Shirt Sayings

Posted on October 26, 2010October 26, 2010 by

Don’t piss me off! I’m running out of places to hide the bodies.

Guys have feelings too. But like… who cares?

I don’t believe in miracles. I rely on them.

Next mood swing: 6 minutes.

I hate everybody, and you’re next.

Please don’t make me kill you.

And your point is…?

I used to be schizophrenic, but we’re ok now.

I’m busy. You’re ugly. Have a nice day.

Warning: I have an attitude and I know how to use it.

Remember my name – you’ll be screaming it later.

You KNOW you want me.

Don’t worry. It’ll only seem kinky the first time…

Of course I don’t look busy… I did it right the first time.

Why do people with closed minds always open their mouths?

I’m multi-talented: I can talk and piss you off at the same time.

You, me, whipped cream, handcuffs. Any questions?

Do NOT start with me. You will NOT win.

You have the right to remain silent, so please SHUT UP.

All stressed out and no one to choke.

I’m one of those bad things that happen to good people.

How can I miss you if you won’t go away?

Sorry if I looked interested. I’m not.

If we are what we eat, I’m fast, cheap and easy.

Nobody knows I’m not wearing underwear.

I’m out of estrogen and I have a gun.

Funny Life Quotes

Posted on October 26, 2010October 26, 2010 by

“There are only two tragedies in life: one is not getting what one wants, and the other is getting it.” – Oscar Wilde

“When we remember we are all mad, the mysteries disappear and life stands explained.” – Mark Twain

“Life is full of misery, loneliness, and suffering – and it’s all over much too soon.” – Woody Allen

“For most men, life is a search for the proper Manila envelope in which to get themselves filed.” – Clifton Fadiman

“Life is like a taxi. The meter just keeps a-ticking whether you are getting somewhere or just standing still.” – Lou Erickso

“Life is as tedious as a twice-told tale vexing the dull ear of a drowsy man.” – William Shakespeare

“Everything is funny as long as it is happening to somebody else.” – Will Rogers

“Life is like eating artichokes, you have got to go through so much to get so little.” – Thomas Aloysius Dorgan

“Nothing is as frustrating as arguing with someone who knows what he’s talking about.” – Sam Ewing

“I think I’ve discovered the secret of life – you just hang around until you get used to it.” – Charles Schulz

Funny Alcohol Quotes

Posted on October 26, 2010October 26, 2010 by

An intelligent man is sometimes forced to be drunk to spend time with his fools. – Ernest Hemingway

A woman drove me to drink and I didn’t even have the decency to thank her. – W.C. Fields

24 hours in a day, 24 beers in a case. Coincidence? – Stephen Wright

The problem with some people is that when they aren’t drunk, they’re sober. – William Butler Yeats

Beer makes you feel the way you ought to feel without beer. – Henry Lawson

I feel sorry for people who don’t drink. They wake up in the morning and that’s the best they’re going to feel all day. – Unknown

I’m not as think as you drunk I am. – Unknown

Beauty is in the eye of the beer holder – Kinky Friedman

I spent a lot of my money on booze, birds, and fast cars. The rest I just squandered. – George Best

Alcohol removes inhibitions – like that scared little mouse who got drunk and shook his whiskers and shouted: “Now bring on that damn cat!” – Eleanor Early

I only take a drink on two occasions – when I’m thirsty and when I’m not. – Brendan Behan

I have made an important discovery…that alcohol, taken in sufficient quantities, produces all the effects of intoxication. – Oscar Wilde

When I read about the evils of drinking, I gave up reading. – Henny Youngman

I drink to make other people interesting. – Unknown