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Funny Quotes

Best Homer Simpson Funny Quotes

HomerSimpson– “Bart, with $10,000, we’d be millionaires! We could buy all kinds of useful things like……love!”
– “I’m normally not a praying man, but if you’re up there, please save me Superman.”
– “Maybe, just once, someone will call me ‘Sir’ without adding,«You’re making a scene.»”
– “What do we need a psychiatrist for? We know our kid is nuts.”
– “How is education supposed to make me feel smarter? Besides, every time I learn something new, it pushes some old stuff out of my brain. Remember when I took that home winemaking course, and I forgot how to drive?”

– “All my life I’ve had one dream, to achieve my many goals.”

– “Yeah, Moe, that team sure did suck last night. They just plain sucked! I’ve seen teams suck before, but they were the suckiest bunch of sucks that ever sucked!”

– “If The Flintstones has taught us anything, it’s that pelicans can be used to mix cement.”

– “Old people don’t need companionship. They need to be isolated and studied so it can be determined what nutrients they have that might be extracted for our personal use.”

– “Operator! Give me the number for 911!”

– “If he’s so smart, how come he’s dead?”

– “I’m going to the back seat of my car, with the woman I love, and I won’t be back for ten minutes!”

– “Did you hear that, Marge? She called me a baboon. The stupidest, smelliest ape of them all.”

– “Dear Lord.. The gods have been good to me. For the first time in my life, everything is absolutely perfect just the way it is. So here’s the deal: You freeze everything the way it is, and I won’t ask for anything more. If that is OK, please give me absolutely no sign. OK, deal.”

– “Son, if you really want something in this life, you have to work for it. Now quiet! They’re about to announce the lottery numbers.”

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