Friendship Quotes – a large collection of famous and inspirational quotes

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Tag: George Gobel

Gas Prices Quotes

– “Finland has produced so many brilliant distance runners because back home it costs $2.50 a gallon for gas.” – Esa Tikkannen, 1979

– “I am having an out of money experience.” – Unknown

– “The use of solar energy has not been opened up because the oil industry does not own the sun.” – Ralph Nader

– “The bicycle is the most efficient machine ever created: Converting calories into gas, a bicycle gets the equivalent of three thousand miles per gallon.” – Bill Strickland

– “Business is the art of extracting money from another man’s pocket without resorting to violence.” – Max Amsterdam

– “Everywhere is walking distance if you have the time.” – Steven Wright

– “I figured out Karl Rove’s political strategy – make gas so expensive, no Democrats can afford to go to the polls.” – John Kerry

– “Kilometers are shorter than miles. Save gas, take your next trip in kilometers.” – George Carlin

– “It’s better to have beer in hand than gas in tank.” – Unknown

– “Even if gas prices fall, consumers will continue to be gouged at the pump. The only thing that we can be sure rises faster that the price of gasoline is the skyrocketing profits of oil companies.” – R. Owens

– “A pedestrian is someone who thought there were a couple of gallons left in the tank.” – Unknown

– “If inflation continues to soar, you’re going to have to work like a dog just to live like one.” – George Gobel

– “Man is the animal that intends to shoot himself out into interplanetary space, after having given up on the problem of an efficient way to get himself five miles to work and back each day.” – Bill Vaughan

– “Walking isn’t a lost art – one must, by some means, get to the garage.” – Evan Esar

– “The shortest distance between two points is under construction.” – Noelie Altito

– “Restore human legs as a means of travel. Pedestrians rely on food for fuel and need no special parking facilities.” – Lewis Mumford

– “In the old days a man who saved money was a miser; nowadays he’s a wonder.” – Unknown

Best Comedian Quotes

– “I went into a McDonald’s yesterday and said, «I’d like some fries.» The girl at the counter said, «Would you like some fries with that?»” – Jay Leno)

– “My husband said he needed more space. So I locked him outside.” – Roseanne

– “Don’t knock masturbation, it’s sex with someone I love.” – Woody Allen

– “It’s not that I’m afraid to die, I just don’t want to be there when it happens.” – Woody Allen

– “I believe that sex is a beautiful thing between two people. Between five, it’s fantastic.” – Woody Allen

– “I have as much authority as the Pope. I just don’t have as many people who believe it.” – George Carlin

– “Have you ever noticed, in traffic, anybody going slower than you is an idiot, and anyone going faster than you is a maniac!” – George Carlin

– “You know you must be doing something right if old people like you.” – Dave Chappelle

– “I think every group of black guys should have at least one white guy in it.” – Dave Chappelle

– “A word to the wise ain’t necessary – it’s the stupid ones that need the advice.” – Bill Cosby

– “To be good, you need to believe in what you’re doing.” – Billy Crystal

– “I busted a mirror and got seven years bad luck. But my lawyer thinks he can get me five.” – Steven Wright

– “Having a male gynecologist is like going to an auto mechanic who doesn’t own a car.” – Carrie Snow

– “I like my coffee like I like my women. In a plastic cup.” – Eddie Izzard

– “If it weren’t for electricity we’d all be watching television by candlelight.” – George Gobel

– “Fighting for peace is like screwing for virginity.” – George Carlin

– “Where lipstick is concerned, the important thing is not color, but to accept God’s final word on where your lips end.” – Jerry Seinfeld

– “You know the world is going crazy when the best rapper is a white guy, the best golfer is a black guy,the tallest guy in the NBA is Chinese, the Swiss hold the America’s Cup, France is accusing the U.S. of arrogance, Germany doesn’t want to go to war, and the three most powerful men in America are named Bush, Dick, and Colon.” – Chris Rock