Friendship Quotes – a large collection of famous and inspirational quotes

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Quotes about Women

– “Women cannot complain about men anymore until they start getting better taste in them.” – Bill Maher

– “A male gynecologist is like an auto mechanic who has never owned a car.” – Carrie Snow

– “You start out happy that you have no hips or boobs. All of a sudden you get them, and it feels sloppy. Then just when you start liking them, they start drooping.” – Cindy Crawford

– “Every girl should use what Mother Nature gave her before Father Time takes it away.” – Laurence J. Peter

– “The average woman would rather have beauty than brains, because the average man can see better than he can think.” – Unknown

– “A woman can say more in a sigh than a man can say in a sermon.” – Arnold Haultain

– “Whatever women do they must do twice as well as men to be thought half as good. Luckily, this is not difficult.” – Charlotte Whitton

– “Women are always beautiful.” – Ville Valo

– “The two women exchanged the kind of glance women use when no knife is handy.” – Ellery Queen

– “Curve: The loveliest distance between two points.” – Mae West

– “Can you imagine a world without men? No crime and lots of happy fat women.” – Nicole Hollander

– “Women get the last word in every argument. Anything a man says after that is the beginning of a new argument.” – Unknown

– “Next to the wound, what women make best is the bandage.” – Jules Barbey d’Aurevilly

– “A pessimist is a man who thinks all women are bad. An optimist is a man who hopes they are.” – Chauncey Mitchell Depew

– “The rarest thing in the world is a woman who is pleased with photographs of herself.” – Elizabeth Metcalf

– “There is a special place in hell for women who do not help other women.” – Madeleine K. Albright

– “A man’s face is his autobiography. A woman’s face is her work of fiction.” – Oscar Wilde

– “There’s something luxurious about having a girl light your cigarette. In fact, I got married once on account of that.” – Harold Robbins

– “When a man talks dirty to a woman, it’s sexual harassment. When a woman talks dirty to a man, it’s $3.95 a minute.” – Unknown

– “Men get laid, but women get screwed.” – Quentin Crisp

– “The most popular image of the female despite the exigencies of the clothing trade is all boobs and buttocks, a hallucinating sequence of parabolae and bulges.” – Germaine Greer

– “Whether they give or refuse, it delights women just the same to have been asked.” – Ovid

– “Howiver, I’m not denyin’ the women are foolish: God Almighty made ’em to match the men.” – George Eliot, “The Harvest Supper”, Adam Bede

– “Women are like elephants to me. I like to look at them, but I wouldn’t want to own one.” – W.C. Fields

– “Women really do rule the world. They just haven’t figured it out yet. When they do, and they will, we’re all in big big trouble.” – Doctor Leon

Best Comedian Quotes

– “I went into a McDonald’s yesterday and said, «I’d like some fries.» The girl at the counter said, «Would you like some fries with that?»” – Jay Leno)

– “My husband said he needed more space. So I locked him outside.” – Roseanne

– “Don’t knock masturbation, it’s sex with someone I love.” – Woody Allen

– “It’s not that I’m afraid to die, I just don’t want to be there when it happens.” – Woody Allen

– “I believe that sex is a beautiful thing between two people. Between five, it’s fantastic.” – Woody Allen

– “I have as much authority as the Pope. I just don’t have as many people who believe it.” – George Carlin

– “Have you ever noticed, in traffic, anybody going slower than you is an idiot, and anyone going faster than you is a maniac!” – George Carlin

– “You know you must be doing something right if old people like you.” – Dave Chappelle

– “I think every group of black guys should have at least one white guy in it.” – Dave Chappelle

– “A word to the wise ain’t necessary – it’s the stupid ones that need the advice.” – Bill Cosby

– “To be good, you need to believe in what you’re doing.” – Billy Crystal

– “I busted a mirror and got seven years bad luck. But my lawyer thinks he can get me five.” – Steven Wright

– “Having a male gynecologist is like going to an auto mechanic who doesn’t own a car.” – Carrie Snow

– “I like my coffee like I like my women. In a plastic cup.” – Eddie Izzard

– “If it weren’t for electricity we’d all be watching television by candlelight.” – George Gobel

– “Fighting for peace is like screwing for virginity.” – George Carlin

– “Where lipstick is concerned, the important thing is not color, but to accept God’s final word on where your lips end.” – Jerry Seinfeld

– “You know the world is going crazy when the best rapper is a white guy, the best golfer is a black guy,the tallest guy in the NBA is Chinese, the Swiss hold the America’s Cup, France is accusing the U.S. of arrogance, Germany doesn’t want to go to war, and the three most powerful men in America are named Bush, Dick, and Colon.” – Chris Rock