Tag: Robert Benchley

Cute Dogs Quotes

Posted on August 23, 2012 by

“I talk to him when I’m lonesome like; and I’m sure he understands. When he looks at me so attentively, and gently licks my hands; then he rubs his nose on my tailored clothes, but I never say naught thereat. For the good Lord knows I can buy more clothes, but never a friend like that.” – W. Dayton Wedgefarth

“If dogs could talk, it would take a lot of the fun out of owning one.” – Andy Rooney

“The great pleasure of a dog is that you may make a fool of yourself with him and not only will he not scold you, but he will make a fool of himself too.” – Samuel Butler

“Dogs laugh, but they laugh with their tails.” – Max Eastman

“If you get to thinking you’re a person of some influence, try ordering somebody else’s dog around.” – Will Rogers

“They never talk about themselves but listen to you while you talk about yourself, and keep up an appearance of being interested in the conversation.” – Jerome K. Jerome

“The dog was created specially for children. He is the god of frolic.” – Henry Ward Beecher

“Did you ever notice when you blow in a dog’s face he gets mad at you? But when you take him in a car he sticks his head out the window.” – Steve Bluestone

“Dogs are not our whole life, but they make our lives whole.” – Roger Caras

“No one appreciates the very special genius of your conversation as the dog does.” – Christopher Morley

“A dog teaches a boy fidelity, perseverance, and to turn around three times before lying down.” – Robert Benchley

“There is no faith which has never yet been broken, except that of a truly faithful dog.” – Konrad Lorenz

“Dogs, the foremost snobs in creation, are quick to notice the difference between a well-clad and a disreputable stranger.” – Albert Payson Terhune

“You think dogs will not be in heaven? I tell you, they will be there long before any of us.” – Robert Louis Stevenson

“To sit with a dog on a hillside on a glorious afternoon is to be back in Eden, where doing nothing was not boring – it was peace.” – Milan Kundera

“I named my dog Stay so I can say, “Come here, Stay. Come here, Stay.” – Steven Wright

“Women and cats will do as they please, and men and dogs should relax and get used to the idea.” – Robert A. Heinlein

Humor Quotes

Posted on January 18, 2012 by

I have a fine sense of the ridiculous, but no sense of humor. – Edward Albee

I think the next best thing to solving a problem is finding some humor in it. – Frank Howard Clark

If I had no sense of humor, I would long ago have committed suicide. – Mohandas Gandhi

If you could choose one characteristic that would get you through life, choose a sense of humor. – Jennifer Jones

Imagination was given to man to compensate him for what he is not; a sense of humor to console him for what he is. – Francis Bacon

In conversation, humor is worth more than wit and easiness more than knowledge. – George Herbert

Like a welcome summer rain, humor may suddenly cleanse and cool the earth, the air and you. – Langston Hughes

My computer beat me at checkers, but I sure beat it at kickboxing. – Emo Philips

Nothing is so galling to a people not broken in from the birth as a paternal, or in other words a meddling government, a government which tells them what to read and say and eat and drink and wear. – Thomas W. Higginson

One doesn’t have a sense of humor. It has you. – Larry Gelbart

Puns are a form of humor with words. – Guillermo Cabrera Infante

Start every day off with a smile and get it over with. – W. C. Fields

The more I live, the more I think that humor is the saving sense. – Jacob August Riis

The satirist shoots to kill while the humorist brings his prey back alive and eventually releases him again for another chance. – Peter De Vries

The secret to humor is surprise. – Aristotle

There is hope for the future because God has a sense of humor and we are funny to God. – Bill Cosby

There is no defense against adverse fortune which is so effectual as an habitual sense of humor. – Thomas W. Higginson

There seems to be no lengths to which humorless people will not go to analyze humor. It seems to worry them. – Robert Benchley

This I conceive to be the chemical function of humor: to change the character of our thought. – Lin Yutang

What a strange world this would be if we all had the same sense of humor. – Bern Williams

Top 10 Funny Quotes of the Day

Posted on August 8, 2010 by

1. “It took me fifteen years to discover I had no talent for writing, but I couldn’t give it up, because by that time I was too famous.” – Robert Benchley

2. “What the world needs is more geniuses with humility, there are so few of us left.” – Oscar Levant

3. “I’m always amazed to hear of air crash victims so badly mutilated that they have to be identified by their dental records. What I can’t understand is, if they don’t know who you are, how do they know who your dentist is?” – Paul Merton

4. “You tried your best and you failed miserably. The lesson is ‘never try’.” – Homer Simpson

5. “I’m tired of all this nonsense about beauty being only skin-deep. That’s deep enough. What do you want – an adorable pancreas?” – Jean Kerr

6. “If toast always lands butter-side down, and cats always land on their feet, what happens if you strap toast on the back of a cat and drop it?” – Steven Wright

7. “At my age I do what Mark Twain did. I get my daily paper, look at the obituaries page and if I’m not there I carry on as usual.” – Partick Moore

8. “I don’t care to belong to a club that accepts people like me as members.” – Groucho Marx

9. “You have to stay in shape. My grandmother, she started walking five miles a day when she was 60. She’s 97 today and we don’t know where the hell she is.” – Ellen DeGeners

10. “I have six locks on my door all in a row. When I go out, I only lock every other one. I figure no matter how long somebody stands there picking the locks, they are always locking three.” – Elayne Boosler