Tag: sayings

Cool Funny Sayings

Posted on October 29, 2010 by

“If all else fails, read the manual.”

“Knowing without doing is like plowing without sowing.”

“People are never too busy to tell you all that they have to do. ”

“Love is the irresistible desire to be desired irresistibly.”

“My biggest problem is that I believe almost everything I tell myself.”

“Seen it all, done it all, can’t remember most of it.”

“Don’t sweat the petty things, and don’t pet the sweaty things.”

“Do’s and don’ts influence wills and won’ts.”

“Refusing to have an opinion is a way of having one.”

“Despite the high cost of living, it remains very popular.”

Funny Life Sayings

Posted on October 27, 2010October 26, 2010 by

“Never put off till tomorrow what you can avoid doing entirely.” – Anonymous

“Never do anything that you wouldn’t want to explain to the paramedics.” – Anonymous

“It may be that your sole purpose in life is simply to serve as a warning to others.” – Anonymous

“Ability is what will get you to the top if the boss has no daughter.” – Anonymous

“When every thing’s coming your way, you’re in the wrong lane.” – Anonymous

“When the plane you are on is late, the plane you want to transfer to is on time.” – Anonymous

“Life is just a phase you’re going through…you’ll get over it.” – Anonymous

“You can’t have everything….where would you put it?” – Anonymous

“If you tell the boss you were late for work because you had a flat tire, the very next morning you will have a flat tire.” – Anonymous

“An optimist is someone who falls off the Empire State Building, and after 50 floors says, ‘So far so good!” – Anonymous

Funny Women T-Shirt Sayings

Posted on October 26, 2010October 26, 2010 by

Don’t piss me off! I’m running out of places to hide the bodies.

Guys have feelings too. But like… who cares?

I don’t believe in miracles. I rely on them.

Next mood swing: 6 minutes.

I hate everybody, and you’re next.

Please don’t make me kill you.

And your point is…?

I used to be schizophrenic, but we’re ok now.

I’m busy. You’re ugly. Have a nice day.

Warning: I have an attitude and I know how to use it.

Remember my name – you’ll be screaming it later.

You KNOW you want me.

Don’t worry. It’ll only seem kinky the first time…

Of course I don’t look busy… I did it right the first time.

Why do people with closed minds always open their mouths?

I’m multi-talented: I can talk and piss you off at the same time.

You, me, whipped cream, handcuffs. Any questions?

Do NOT start with me. You will NOT win.

You have the right to remain silent, so please SHUT UP.

All stressed out and no one to choke.

I’m one of those bad things that happen to good people.

How can I miss you if you won’t go away?

Sorry if I looked interested. I’m not.

If we are what we eat, I’m fast, cheap and easy.

Nobody knows I’m not wearing underwear.

I’m out of estrogen and I have a gun.

Sarcastic Quotes

Posted on September 16, 2010September 16, 2010 by

# Before you criticize someone, you should walk a mile in their shoes. That way, when you criticize them, you’re a mile away and you have their shoes.
# The journey of a thousand miles begins with a broken fan belt and leaky tire.
# It’s always darkest before dawn. So if you’re going to steal your neighbor’s newspaper, that’s the time to do it.
# Don’t be irreplaceable. If you can’t be replaced, you can’t be promoted.
# Always remember that you’re unique. Just like everyone else.
# Never test the depth of the water with both feet.
# If you think nobody cares if you’re alive, try missing a couple of car payments.
# Do not walk behind me, for I may not lead. Do not walk ahead of me, for I may not follow. Do not walk beside me either. Just pretty much leave me the hell alone.
# If at first you don’t succeed, skydiving is not for you.
# Give a man a fish and he will eat for a day. Teach him how to fish, and he will sit in a boat and drink beer all day.
# If you lend someone $20 and never see that person again, it was probably worth it.
# If you tell the truth, you don’t have to remember anything.
# Some days you’re the bug; some days you’re the windshield.
# Everyone seems normal until you get to know them.
# The quickest way to double your money is to fold it in half and put it back in your pocket.
# A closed mouth gathers no foot.
# Duct tape is like ‘The Force’. It has a light side and a dark side, and it holds the universe together.
# There are two theories to arguing with women. Neither one works.
# Generally speaking, you aren’t learning much when your lips are moving.
# Experience is something you don’t get until just after you need it.
# Never miss a good chance to shut up.

Sarcastic Sayings About Love – Murphy’s Laws

Posted on September 10, 2010September 9, 2010 by

“All the good ones are taken.”

“If the person isn’t taken, there’s a reason.”

“Brains x Beauty x Availability = Constant.
This constant is always zero.” – Van Den Bossche Jochen

“Money can’t buy love, but it sure gets you a great bargaining position.”

“The best things in the world are free – and worth every penny of it.”

“The more beautiful the woman is who loves you, the easier it is to leave her with no hard feelings.”

“Virginity can be cured.”

“Love your neighbor, but don’t get caught.”

“Love is the triumph of imagination over intelligence.”

“A man in love is incomplete until he has married. Then he’s finished.” – Zsa Zsa Gabor

“Romance has been elegantly defined as the offspring of fiction and love.” – Benjamin Disraeli

Superbly Sarcastic Sayings About Life

Posted on September 9, 2010September 9, 2010 by

“I am not young enough to know everything.” – Oscar Wilde

“Some cause happiness wherever they go; others whenever they go.” – Oscar Wilde

“Marriage is the chief cause of divorce.” – Groucho Marx

“History teaches us that men and nations behave wisely once they have exhausted all other alternatives.” – Abba Eban

“I know not with what weapons World War III will be fought, but World War IV will be fought with sticks and stones.” – Albert Einstein

“Two things are infinite: the universe and human stupidity; and I’m not sure about the the universe. ” – Albert Einstein

“Not everything that can be counted counts, and not everything that counts can be counted. ” – Albert Einstein

“In order to form an immaculate member of a flock of sheep one must, above all, be a sheep ” – Albert Einstein

“Education is what remains after one has forgotten everything he learned in school. ” – Albert Einstein

“The trouble with her is that she lacks the power of conversation but not the power of speech. ” – George Bernard Shaw