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Funny Quotes

George Carlin Quotes #2

George Carlin“Men are from Earth, women are from Earth. Deal with it.”

“Just when I discovered the meaning of life, they changed it.”

“Inside every cynical person, there is a disappointed idealist”

“Religion has convinced people that there’s an invisible man…living in the sky, who watches everything you do every minute of every day. And the invisible man has a list of ten specific things he doesn’t want you to do. And if you do any of these things, he will send you to a special place, of burning and fire and smoke and torture and anguish for you to live forever, and suffer and burn and scream until the end of time. But he loves you. He loves you and he needs money.”

“Well, if crime fighters fight crime and fire fighters fight fire, what do freedom fighters fight? They never mention that part to us, do they?”

“Some people see things that are and ask, Why? Some people dream of things that never were and ask, Why not? Some people have to go to work and don’t have time for all that …”

“I put a dollar in a change machine. Nothing changed.”

“The very existence of flame-throwers proves that some time, somewhere, someone said to themselves, You know, I want to set those people over there on fire, but I’m just not close enough to get the job done.”

“Think of how stupid the average person is, and realize half of them are stupider than that.”

“The only good thing ever to come out of religion was the music.”

“One tequila, two tequila, three tequila, floor.”

“Fighting for peace is like screwing for virginity.”

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