dumb blonde jokes – Friendship Quotes – a large collection of famous and inspirational quotes

Short Funny Quotes

Posted on November 22, 2010 by

“When I die, I want to go peacefully like my Grandfather did, in his sleep — not screaming, like the passengers in his car” – Anonymous

“I hope life isn’t a joke, because I don’t get it.” – Anonymous

“You’re not drunk if you can lie on the floor without holding on.” – Dean Martin

“When I read about the evils of drinking, I gave up reading.” – Anonymous

“I’m not offended by all the dumb-blonde jokes because I know that I’m not dumb. I also know I’m not blonde.” – Dolly Parton

“Always go to other people’s funerals, otherwise they won’t come to yours.” – Yogi Berra

“I’m in no condition to drive…wait! I shouldn’t listen to myself, I’m drunk!” – Homer Simpson

“If at first you do not succeed, then skydiving is surely not meant for you.” – Anonymous

“A word to the wise ain’t necessary – it’s the stupid ones that need the advice.” – Bill Cosby

“Girls want a lot of things from one guy. Conversely, guys want one thing from a lot of girls.” – Anonymous

“Men don’t care what’s on TV. They only care what else is on TV.” – Jerry Seinfeld

“Health is merely the slowest possible rate at which one can die.” – Anonymous

“Aim for the stars. But first, aim for their bodyguards.” – Anonymous

“I’ve never been married, but I tell people I’m divorced so they won’t think something is wrong with me.” – Elayne Boosler

“To cease smoking is the easiest thing. I ought to know. I’ve done it a thousand times.” – Mark Twain

“My formula for success is rise early, work late, and strike oil.” – Paul Getty

“If at first you don’t succeed, order pizza.” – Anonymous

“Hard work never hurt anyone, but why take the chance.” – Anonymous

“Once you can accept the universe as matter expanding into nothing that is something, wearing stripes with plaid comes easy.” – Albert Einstein

“I just broke up with someone and the last thing she said to me was “You’ll never find anyone like me again!” I’m thinking, “I should hope not! If I don’t want you, why would I want someone like you.”” – Anonymous

“Dogs have Owners, Cats have Staff.” – Anonymous

“Change is inevitable, except from a vending machine.” – Anonymous

“Behind every successful man is a woman, behind her is his wife.”- Anonymous

“Just because nobody complains doesn’t mean all parachutes are perfect.” – Benny Hill

“I always wanted to be somebody, but now I realize I should have been more specific.” – Lily Tomlin

Hair Quotes

Posted on October 2, 2009 by

– “The hair is the richest ornament of women.” – Martin Luther

– “Hair brings one’s self-image into focus; it is vanity’s proving ground. Hair is terribly personal, a tangle of mysterious prejudices.” – Shana Alexander

– “Life is an endless struggle full of frustrations and challenges, but eventually you find a hair stylist you like.” – Unknown

– “It seems no more than right that men should seize time by the forelock, for the rude old fellow, sooner or later, pulls all their hair out.” – George Dennison Prentice, Prenticeana, 1860

– “What’s the matter with you guys? The sight of blonde hair knocks you three rungs down on the evolutionary ladder.” – From the television show Civil Wars

– “The great ages of prose are the ages in which men shave. The great ages of poetry are those in which they allow their beards to grow.” – Robert Lynd

– “Forget not that the earth delights to feel your bare feet and the winds long to play with your hair.” – Kahlil Gibran

– “I’m not offended by all the dumb-blonde jokes because I know that I’m not dumb. I also know I’m not blonde.” – Dolly Parton

– “It was a blonde. A blonde to make a bishop kick a hole in a stained-glass window.” – Raymond Chandler

– “Hair style is the final tip-off whether or not a woman really knows herself.” – Hubert de Givenchy, Vogue, July 1985

– “Babies haven’t any hair:
Old men’s heads are just as bare;
From the cradle to the grave
Lies a haircut and a shave.” – Samuel Goodman Hoffenstein

– “Inflation is when you pay fifteen dollars for the ten-dollar haircut you used to get for five dollars when you had hair.” – Sam Ewing

– “Women…. Who made ’em? God must have been a… genius. Their hair. They say that the hair is everything, you know? Have you ever buried your nose in a mountain of curls, and just wanted to go to sleep forever?” – Bo Goldman, “The Start of an Education”, made popular by the movie Scent of a Woman

– “When red headed people are above a certain social grade their hair is auburn.” – Mark Twain, A Connecticut Yankee in King Arthur’s Court

– “Those curious locks so aptly twin’d,
Whose every hair a soul doth bind.” – Thomas Carew

– “If truth is beauty, how come no one has their hair done in a library?” – Lily Tomlin

– “Long, beautiful, gleaming, steaming, flaxen, waxen… I adore hair!” – James Rado and Gerome Ragni, Hair

– “Violet will be a good color for hair at just about the same time that brunette becomes a good color for flowers.” – Fran Lebowitz

– “Beauty draws us with a single hair.” – Alexander Pope

– “Gentlemen prefer blondes… but gentlemen marry brunettes.” – Anita Loos