Friendship Quotes – a large collection of famous and inspirational quotes

Menu

Tag: underwear

Best Charlie Sheen Quotes

Posted on by

“I have a disease? Bullshit. I cured it with my brain.”
“Winning, anyone? Rhymes with winning. Anyone? Yeah, that would be us. Sorry, man, didn’t make the rules. Oops!”
“I’m tired of pretending I’m not a total bitchin’ rock star from Mars.”
“You can’t process me with a normal brain.”
“If you borrowed my brain for five seconds, you’d be like, ‘Dude! Can’t handle it, unplug this bastard!’ “It fires in a way that’s maybe not from, uh… this terrestrial realm.”
“I was banging seven-gram rocks, because that’s how I roll. I have one speed, I have one gear: Go.”
“Can’t is the cancer of happening.”
“Wow. What does that mean? I’m bi-WINNING.”
“I am battle-tested bayonets, bro.”
“I’m so tired of pretending my life isn’t perfect and bitching and just winning every second and I’m not perfect and bitchin’.”
“Look what I’m dealing with, man, I’m dealing with fools and trolls.”
“It’s just strafing runs in my underwear before my first cup of coffee, because I don’t have time for these clowns.”
“You have the right to kill me, but you do not have the right to judge me. Boom. That’s the whole movie. That’s life.”
“I’m sorry man, I got magic and I’ve got poetry in my fingertips, you know, most of the time, and this includes naps.”
“I’m an F-18, bro.”
“I’m not Thomas Jefferson. He was a pussy.”
“I am on a drug, it’s called Charlie Sheen. It’s not available because if you try it you will die. Your face will melt off and your children will weep over your exploded body.”
“I’m bi-winning.”
“There’s a new sheriff in town. And he has an army of assassins.”
“The run I was on made Sinatra, Flynn, Jagger, Richards, all of them look like droopy-eyed armless children.”
“The only thing I’m addicted to right now is winning.”
“I wish him nothing but pain in his silly travels especially if they wind up in my octagon. Clearly I have defeated this earthworm with my words — imagine what I would have done with my fire breathing fists.
“[CBS] picked a fight with a warlock.”
“If you’re a part of my family, I will love you violently.”
“Winning.”
“I will not believe that if I do something then I have to follow a certain path because it was written for normal people. People who aren’t special. People who don’t have tiger blood and Adonis DNA.”
“C’mon bro, I won best picture at 20. I wasn’t even trying. I wasn’t even warm.”
“Winning.”
“Bring me Dr. Clown shoes.”

Jerry Seinfeld Funny Quotes

Posted on by

jerry-seinfeld-banana– “I was the best man at the wedding. If I’m the best man, why is she marrying him?”
– “What is a date really, but a job interview that lasts all night? The only difference is that in not many job interviews is there a chance you’ll wind up naked.”
– “You know you’re getting old when you get that one candle on the cake. It’s like, «See if you can blow this out.»”
– “Men want the same thing from their underwear that they want from women: a little bit of support, and a little bit of freedom.”
– “Dogs are the leaders of the planet. If you see two life forms, one of them’s making a poop, the other one’s carrying it for him, who would you assume is in charge.”
– “Sometimes the road less traveled is less traveled for a reason.”

– “Why do they call it a “building”? It looks like they’re finished. Why isn’t it a “built”?”

– “Seems to me the basic conflict between men and women, sexually, is that men are like firemen. To men, sex is an emergency, and no matter what we’re doing we can be ready in two minutes. Women, on the other hand, are like fire. They’re very exciting, but the conditions have to be exactly right for it to occur.”

– “The big advantage of a book is it’s very easy to rewind. Close it and you’re right back at the beginning.”

– “Men don’t care what’s on TV. They only care what else is on TV.”

– “I will never understand why they cook on TV. I can’t smell it. Can’t eat it. Can’t taste it. The end of the show they hold it up to the camera, «Well, here it is. You can’t have any. Thanks for watching. Goodbye.»”

– “See, the thing of it is, there’s a lot of ugly people out there walking around but they don’t know they’re ugly because nobody actually tells them.”