watching television – Friendship Quotes – a large collection of famous and inspirational quotes

Funny Cute Quotes

Posted on January 4, 2011January 4, 2011 by

– “Nice to be here? At my age it’s nice to be anywhere.” – George Burns

– “If you cannot read this, please ask the flight attendant for assistance.” – United Airlines Flight Safety Brochure

– “You tried your best and you failed miserably. The lesson is ‘never try’.” – Homer Simpson

– “History will be kind to me for I intend to write it.” – Winston Churchill

– “Outside of a dog, a book is man’s best friend. Inside of a dog, it’s too dark to read.” – Groucho Marx

– “I have had a perfectly wonderful evening, but this wasn’t it.” – Groucho Marx

– “Boy George is all England needs – another queen who can’t dress.” – Joan Rivers

– “Is he just doing a bad Elvis pout, or was he born that way?” – Freddie Mercury on Billy Idol

– “The statistics on sanity are that one out of every four Americans are suffering from some form of mental illness. Think of your three best friends. If they’re okay, then it’s you.” – Rita Mae Brown

– “If it weren’t for electricity we’d all be watching television by candlelight.” – George Globol

Best Comedian Quotes

Posted on September 28, 2009 by

– “I went into a McDonald’s yesterday and said, «I’d like some fries.» The girl at the counter said, «Would you like some fries with that?»” – Jay Leno)

– “My husband said he needed more space. So I locked him outside.” – Roseanne

– “Don’t knock masturbation, it’s sex with someone I love.” – Woody Allen

– “It’s not that I’m afraid to die, I just don’t want to be there when it happens.” – Woody Allen

– “I believe that sex is a beautiful thing between two people. Between five, it’s fantastic.” – Woody Allen

– “I have as much authority as the Pope. I just don’t have as many people who believe it.” – George Carlin

– “Have you ever noticed, in traffic, anybody going slower than you is an idiot, and anyone going faster than you is a maniac!” – George Carlin

– “You know you must be doing something right if old people like you.” – Dave Chappelle

– “I think every group of black guys should have at least one white guy in it.” – Dave Chappelle

– “A word to the wise ain’t necessary – it’s the stupid ones that need the advice.” – Bill Cosby

– “To be good, you need to believe in what you’re doing.” – Billy Crystal

– “I busted a mirror and got seven years bad luck. But my lawyer thinks he can get me five.” – Steven Wright

– “Having a male gynecologist is like going to an auto mechanic who doesn’t own a car.” – Carrie Snow

– “I like my coffee like I like my women. In a plastic cup.” – Eddie Izzard

– “If it weren’t for electricity we’d all be watching television by candlelight.” – George Gobel

– “Fighting for peace is like screwing for virginity.” – George Carlin

– “Where lipstick is concerned, the important thing is not color, but to accept God’s final word on where your lips end.” – Jerry Seinfeld

– “You know the world is going crazy when the best rapper is a white guy, the best golfer is a black guy,the tallest guy in the NBA is Chinese, the Swiss hold the America’s Cup, France is accusing the U.S. of arrogance, Germany doesn’t want to go to war, and the three most powerful men in America are named Bush, Dick, and Colon.” – Chris Rock