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Witty Quotes

Some of my favorite witty quotes just here, for you. His mouth is a no-go area. It's like kissing the Berlin Wall - Helena Bonhem Carter on Woody Allen There cannot be a crisis next week. My schedule is already full. - Henry Kissinger He has a face like a Saint - A Saint Bernard. - Unknown A fellow with the inventiveness of Albert Einstien, but with the attention span of Daffy Duck. - Tom Shale on Robin Williams If I found her floating in my pool, I'd punish my dog. - Joan Rivers on Yoko Ono God does not play dice with the universe. - Albert Einstien She is as wholesome as a bowl of cornflakes and at least as sexy. - Dwight McDonald on Doris Day If you can't convince them, confuse them. - President Harry S Truman Start every day off with a smile and get it over with. - W C Fields He had the compassion of an icicle and the generosity of a pawnbroker. - S J Perelman on Groucho Marx Avoid all needle drugs. The only dope worth shooting is Richard Nixon. - Abbey Hoffman Who picks your clothes - Stevie Wonder? - Don Rickles Breasts like Granite and a brain like Swiss Cheese - Billy Wilder on Marilyn Monroe The thief of bad gags. - Walter Winchell on Milton Berne I've noticed that everyone who is for abortion has already been born - Ronald Reagan He's proof that there's life after death. - Mort Sahl on Ronald Reagan The only genius with an IQ of 60. - Gore Vidal on Andy Warhol He's so ugly they ought to donate his face to the world wildlife fund. - Muhammad Ali on Joe Frazier She's so stupid she returns bowling balls because they've got holes in them. - Joan Rivers on Bo Derek For every action there is an equal and opposite government program. - Bob Wells Can't act. Slightly bald. Can dance a little. - Screen Tester on Fred Astaire An empty suit that goes to funerals and plays golf. - Ross Perot on Dan Quayle Most of the time he sounds like he has a mouth full of toilet paper. - Rex Reed on Marlon Brando He could start a row in an empty house - Sir Alex Ferguson on footballer Dennis Wise When Kissinger can get the Nobel Peace Prize, what is there left for satire? - Tom Lehrer on Henry Kissinger Shaw writes his plays for the ages, the ages between five and twelve. - George Nathan on George Bernard Shaw He is to acting what Liberace was to pumping iron. - Rex Reed on Sylvester Stallone What makes him think a middle aged actor, who's played with a chimp, could have a future in politics? - Ronald Reagan commenting on Eastwood's bid to become mayor of Carmel Better a witty fool than a foolish wit. - Shakespeare