Some of my favorite witty quotes just here, for you.
His mouth is a no-go area. It’s like kissing the Berlin Wall – Helena Bonhem Carter on Woody Allen
There cannot be a crisis next week. My schedule is already full. – Henry Kissinger
He has a face like a Saint – A Saint Bernard. – Unknown
A fellow with the inventiveness of Albert Einstien, but with the attention span of Daffy Duck. – Tom Shale on Robin Williams
If I found her floating in my pool, I’d punish my dog. – Joan Rivers on Yoko Ono
God does not play dice with the universe. – Albert Einstien
She is as wholesome as a bowl of cornflakes and at least as sexy. – Dwight McDonald on Doris Day
If you can’t convince them, confuse them. – President Harry S Truman
Start every day off with a smile and get it over with. – W C Fields
He had the compassion of an icicle and the generosity of a pawnbroker. – S J Perelman on Groucho Marx
Avoid all needle drugs. The only dope worth shooting is Richard Nixon. – Abbey Hoffman
Who picks your clothes – Stevie Wonder? – Don Rickles
Breasts like Granite and a brain like Swiss Cheese – Billy Wilder on Marilyn Monroe
The thief of bad gags. – Walter Winchell on Milton Berne
I’ve noticed that everyone who is for abortion has already been born – Ronald Reagan
He’s proof that there’s life after death. – Mort Sahl on Ronald Reagan
The only genius with an IQ of 60. – Gore Vidal on Andy Warhol
He’s so ugly they ought to donate his face to the world wildlife fund. – Muhammad Ali on Joe Frazier
She’s so stupid she returns bowling balls because they’ve got holes in them. – Joan Rivers on Bo Derek
For every action there is an equal and opposite government program. – Bob Wells
Can’t act. Slightly bald. Can dance a little. – Screen Tester on Fred Astaire
An empty suit that goes to funerals and plays golf. – Ross Perot on Dan Quayle
Most of the time he sounds like he has a mouth full of toilet paper. – Rex Reed on Marlon Brando
He could start a row in an empty house – Sir Alex Ferguson on footballer Dennis Wise
When Kissinger can get the Nobel Peace Prize, what is there left for satire? – Tom Lehrer on Henry Kissinger
Shaw writes his plays for the ages, the ages between five and twelve. – George Nathan on George Bernard Shaw
He is to acting what Liberace was to pumping iron. – Rex Reed on Sylvester Stallone
What makes him think a middle aged actor, who’s played with a chimp, could have a future in politics? – Ronald Reagan commenting on Eastwood’s bid to become mayor of Carmel
Better a witty fool than a foolish wit. – Shakespeare
Let’s celebrate the birthday of the greatest magician in the world in our own way, with quotes. Today, let me share with you some great Harry Houdini Quotes.
Another method of eating burning coals employs small balls of burned cotton in a dish of burning alcohol.
But it must not be thought that I say this out of personal experience: for in the many years that I have been before the public my secret methods have been steadily shielded by the strict integrity of my assistants, most of whom have been with me for years.
But then, so far as I know, I am the only performer who ever pledged his assistants to secrecy, honor and allegiance under a notarial oath.
Eating coals of fire has always been one of the sensational feats of the Fire Kings, as it is quite generally known that charcoal burns with an extremely intense heat.
Fire has always been and, seemingly, will always remain, the most terrible of the elements.
Flames from the lips may be produced by holding in the mouth a sponge saturated with the purest gasoline.
How the early priests came into possession of these secrets does not appear, and if there were ever any records of this kind the Church would hardly allow them to become public.
I make the most money, I think, in Russia and Paris, for the people of those countries are so willing to be amused, so eager to see something new and out of the ordinary.
I think that in a year I may retire. I cannot take my money with me when I die and I wish to enjoy it, with my family, while I live. I should prefer living in Germany to any other country, though I am an American, and am loyal to my country.
In all feats of fire-eating it should be noted that the head is thrown well back, so that the flame may pass out of the open mouth instead of up into the roof, as it would if the head were held naturally.
It is still an open question, however, as to what extent exposure really injures a performer.
My professional life has been a constant record of disillusion, and many things that seem wonderful to most men are the every-day commonplaces of my business.
No performer should attempt to bite off red-hot iron unless he has a good set of teeth.
Only one man ever betrayed my confidence, and that only in a minor matter.
The eating of burning brimstone is an entirely fake performance.
The great day of the Fire-eater – or, should I say, the day of the great Fire-eater – has passed.
To cause the face to appear in a mass of flame make use of the following: mix together thoroughly petroleum, lard, mutton tallow and quick lime. Distill this over a charcoal fire, and the liquid which results can be burned on the face without harm.
– “Even when I’m not directing, that doesn’t stop Owen from having ideas for what I should be doing.”
– “Fashion is so over the top.”
– “I don’t devalue comedy as compared to drama. Not one bit.”
– “I don’t have a burning desire to be taken seriously as an actor. I don’t have a master plan in that way.”
– “I don’t think know if anything’s going to translate anywhere. You’re making a movie, you hope it’s going to be funny, you can’t think about how it’s going to go over.”
– “I don’t think the public is dying to see me necessarily be funny all the time.”
– “I enjoy the work I do in comedies. It’s a valid test of your creative abilities.”
– “I grew up wanting to make movies, and along the way I suddenly found that I had a career doing comedy.”
– “I have a lot of nervous energy. Work is my best way of channelling that into something productive unless I want to wind up assaulting the postman or gardener.”
– “I just watched Paul Michael Glaser. He was the reason I wanted to do the movie because as a kid I was such a big fan of his. I watched all the episodes and tried to get a feeling for what he was doing.”
– “I love New York. I was sad, depressed and incredibly moved by our fellow countrymen and what they’ve done. I wanted to give people a chance to see something funny, have a distraction.”
– “I think most politicians could take a dodgeball in the face.”
– “I think people will be curious to see what I can do as a dramatic actor.”
– “I would like to do more dramas when I find a good role that will allow me to politely upset people’s expectations of me as a comic actor.”
– “I’m always willing to endure humiliation on behalf of my characters.”
– “I’m not an expert on the Malaysian sense of humor.”
– “I’ve had a very good career and I’m grateful that the public has had some level of acceptance and appreciation of my work.”
– “If you look at my eyes when I’m dancing, you’ll see that glazed look.”
– “It was a mixed blessing to have famous parents. It was tough to go to auditions and be bad, since I couldn’t be anonymous.”
– “Jim Carrey, a comic genius, has a harder time overcoming the public’s desire for him to be funny simply because he’s so good at it.”