Funny Family Quotes

“Some family trees bear an enormous crop of nuts.” – Wayne H.

“The reason grandparents and grandchildren get along so well is that they have a common enemy.” – Sam Levenson

“Happiness is having a large, loving, caring, close-knit family in another city.” – George Burns

“Family: A social unit where the father is concerned with parking space, the children with outer space, and the mother with closet space.” – Evan Esar

“Families are like fudge – mostly sweet with a few nuts.” – Anonymous

“Parents are not interested in justice, they’re interested in peace and quiet.” – Bill Cosby

“My husband and I have decided to start a family while my parents are still young enough to look after them.” – Rita Rudner

“Having a two-year-old is like having a blender that you don’t have the top for.” – Jerry Seinfeld

“There are two things in life for which we are never truly prepared: Twins.” – Josh Billings

“Wealth is any income that is at least one hundred dollars a year more than the income of one’s wife’s sister’s husband.” – HL Mencken

“A father is someone who carries pictures in his wallet where his money used to be.” – Anonymous

“Santa Claus has the right idea. Only visit people once a year.” – Victor Borge

“My mother didn’t breast feed me. She said she just liked me as a friend.” – Rodney Dangerfield

“I’m going home next week. It’s a kind of energency – my parents are coming here.” – Rita Rudner

“I have good looking kids. Thank goodness my wife cheats on me.” – Rodney Dangerfield

“Teenagers, are you tired of being harassed by your stupid parents? Act now. Move out, get a job, and pay your own bills – while you still know everything.” – John Hinde

“Friends are God’s apology for relations.” – Hugh Kingsmill