– “Women cannot complain about men anymore until they start getting better taste in them.” – Bill Maher
– “A male gynecologist is like an auto mechanic who has never owned a car.” – Carrie Snow
– “You start out happy that you have no hips or boobs. All of a sudden you get them, and it feels sloppy. Then just when you start liking them, they start drooping.” – Cindy Crawford
– “Every girl should use what Mother Nature gave her before Father Time takes it away.” – Laurence J. Peter
– “The average woman would rather have beauty than brains, because the average man can see better than he can think.” – Unknown
– “A woman can say more in a sigh than a man can say in a sermon.” – Arnold Haultain
– “Whatever women do they must do twice as well as men to be thought half as good. Luckily, this is not difficult.” – Charlotte Whitton
– “Women are always beautiful.” – Ville Valo
– “The two women exchanged the kind of glance women use when no knife is handy.” – Ellery Queen
– “Curve: The loveliest distance between two points.” – Mae West
– “Can you imagine a world without men? No crime and lots of happy fat women.” – Nicole Hollander
– “Women get the last word in every argument. Anything a man says after that is the beginning of a new argument.” – Unknown
– “Next to the wound, what women make best is the bandage.” – Jules Barbey d’Aurevilly
– “A pessimist is a man who thinks all women are bad. An optimist is a man who hopes they are.” – Chauncey Mitchell Depew
– “The rarest thing in the world is a woman who is pleased with photographs of herself.” – Elizabeth Metcalf
– “There is a special place in hell for women who do not help other women.” – Madeleine K. Albright
– “A man’s face is his autobiography. A woman’s face is her work of fiction.” – Oscar Wilde
– “There’s something luxurious about having a girl light your cigarette. In fact, I got married once on account of that.” – Harold Robbins
– “When a man talks dirty to a woman, it’s sexual harassment. When a woman talks dirty to a man, it’s $3.95 a minute.” – Unknown
– “Men get laid, but women get screwed.” – Quentin Crisp
– “The most popular image of the female despite the exigencies of the clothing trade is all boobs and buttocks, a hallucinating sequence of parabolae and bulges.” – Germaine Greer
– “Whether they give or refuse, it delights women just the same to have been asked.” – Ovid
– “Howiver, I’m not denyin’ the women are foolish: God Almighty made ’em to match the men.” – George Eliot, “The Harvest Supper”, Adam Bede
– “Women are like elephants to me. I like to look at them, but I wouldn’t want to own one.” – W.C. Fields
– “Women really do rule the world. They just haven’t figured it out yet. When they do, and they will, we’re all in big big trouble.” – Doctor Leon
The man who smiles when things go wrong has thought of someone to blame it on. – Robert Bloch