Funny Quotes
A child of five would understand this. Send someone to fetch a child of five. – Groucho Marx
A friend doesn’t go on a diet because you are fat. – Erma Bombeck
A James Cagney love scene is one where he lets the other guy live. – Bob Hope
A lot of baby boomers are baby bongers. – Kevin Nealon
A nickel ain’t worth a dime anymore. – Yogi Berra
A stockbroker urged me to buy a stock that would triple its value every year. I told him, “At my age, I don’t even buy green bananas.” – Claude Pepper
A successful man is one who makes more money than his wife can spend. A successful woman is one who can find such a man. – Lana Turner
A two-year-old is kind of like having a blender, but you don’t have a top for it. – Jerry Seinfeld
A word to the wise ain’t necessary – it’s the stupid ones that need the advice. – Bill Cosby
All men are equal before fish. – Herbert Hoover
All right everyone, line up alphabetically according to your height. – Casey Stengel
Always end the name of your child with a vowel, so that when you yell the name will carry. – Bill Cosby
Any girl can be glamorous. All you have to do is stand still and look stupid. – Hedy Lamarr
Anyone who says he can see through women is missing a lot. – Groucho Marx
As a child my family’s menu consisted of two choices: take it or leave it. – Buddy Hackett
As I get older, I just prefer to knit. – Tracey Ullman
Be obscure clearly. – E. B. White
Because of their size, parents may be difficult to discipline properly. – P. J. O’Rourke
Behind every great man is a woman rolling her eyes. – Jim Carrey