When my mother was pregnant with me, they did an ultrasound and found she was having twins. When they did another ultrasound a few weeks later, they discovered that I had adsorbed the other fetus. Do I regret this? No, I believe his tissue has made me stronger. I now have the strength of a grown man and a little baby.
I am faster than 80% of all snakes.
I don’t care what Jim says, that is not Benjamin Franklin. I am 99% sure.
I don’t believe you, continue.
Reject a woman, and she will never let it go. One of the many defects of their kind. Also, weak arms.
When I die. I want to be frozen. And if they have to freeze me in pieces, so be it. I will wake up stronger than ever, because I will have used that time, to figure out exactly why I died. And what moves I could have used to defend myself better now that I know what hold he had me in.
The eyes are the groin of the head.
My feelings regenerate at twice the speed of a normal man
Before I do anything I ask myself “Would an idiot do that?” And if the answer is yes, I do not do that thing.
You know whats better than a triceratops. Only every other dinosaur that has ever existed.
Dolphins get a lot of good publicity for the drowning swimmers they push back to shore, but what you don’t hear about is the many people they push farther out to sea! Dolphins aren’t smart. They just like pushing things.
There are 40 rules all Schrute boys must learn by age 5. Rule #17- There are 3 things you never turn your back on- bears, men you have wronged, and a dominant male turkey during mating season.
I train my major blood vessels to retract into my body on command. Also, I can retract my penis up into itself.
Would I ever leave this company? Look, I’m all about loyalty. In fact, I feel like part of what I’m being paid for here is my loyalty. But if there were somewhere else that valued loyalty more highly, I’m going wherever they value loyalty the most.
How would I describe myself? Three words: hard working, alpha male, jackhammer…merciless…insatiable…
I am fast. To give you a reference point I am somewhere between a snake and a mongoose…and a panther.
The problem, Jim, is that people who are really suffering from a medical condition won’t receive the care they need because someone in this office is coming up with ridiculous stuff. Count Choculitis….Why did you write that down, Jim? Is it because you know I love Count Chocula?
I grew up on a farm. I have seen animals having sex in every position imaginable. Goat on chicken. Chicken on goat. Couple of chickens doing a goat, couple of pigs watching.
Security in this office park is a joke. Last year I came to work with my spud-gun in a duffel bag. I sat at my desk all day with a rifle that shoots potatoes at 60 pounds per square inch. Can you imagine if I was deranged?
Language is one of the fundamental principles of human understanding. It is the way we interact with each other and how we grasp the world we live in. – Unknown
There are three kinds of lies: lies, damned lies, and statistics. – Benjamin Disraeli
People are very open-minded about new things — as long as they’re exactly like the old ones. – Charles Kettering
The 2 timeless drivers that underpin the behavior of every generation: the need to belong and the need to be significant. – Unknown
The man of wisdom is never of two minds; the man of benevolence never worries; the man of courage is never afraid. – Confucius
When wealth is lost, nothing is lost; when health is lost, something is lost; when character is lost, all is lost. – Billy Graham
Intelligence is the ability to avoid doing work, yet getting the work done. – Linus Torvalds
When it comes to quotes, Mahatma Gandhi is one of my favorites. Let me share with you Top 20 Mahatma Gandhi Quotes.
1. “Nonviolence is a weapon of the strong” – Mahatma Gandhi
2. “The weak can never forgive. Forgiveness is the attribute of the strong.” – Mahatma Gandhi
3. “The best way to find yourself is to lose yourself in the service of others.” – Mahatma Gandhi
4. “Earth provides enough to satisfy every man’s need, but not every man’s greed” – Mahatma Gandhi
5. “The Roots of Violence: Wealth without work, Pleasure without conscience, Knowledge without character, Commerce without morality, Science without humanity, Worship without sacrifice, Politics without principles” – Mahatma Gandhi
6. “First they ignore you, then they laugh at you, then they fight you, then you win.” – Mahatma Gandhi
7. “Almost everything you do will seem insignificant, but it is important that you do it” – Mahatma Gandhi
8. “You may never know what results come of your action, but if you do nothing there will be no result” –Mahatma Gandhi
9. “The law of love could be best understood and learned through little children” – Mahatma Gandhi
10. “Happiness is when what you think, what you say, and what you do are in harmony.” – Mahatma Gandhi
11. “Even if you are a minority of one, the truth is the truth.” – Mahatma Gandhi
12. “An ounce of practice is worth more than tons of preaching.” – Mahatma Gandhi
13. “As a rule, the mind, residing in a body that has become weakened by pampering, is also weak, and where there is no strength of mind there can be no strength of soul.” –Mahatma Gandhi
14. “Each one has to find his peace from within. And peace to be real must be unaffected by outside circumstances.” – Mahatma Gandhi
15. “Live as if you were to die tomorrow. Learn as if you were to live forever.” – Mahatma Gandhi
16. “Truth is by nature self-evident. As soon as you remove the cobwebs of ignorance that surround it, it shines clear.” – Mahatma Gandhi
17. “A ‘NO’ uttered from deepest conviction is better and greater than a ‘YES’ merely uttered to please, or what is worse, to avoid trouble.” – Mahatma Gandhi
18. “There is more to life than increasing its speed.” – Mahatma Gandhi
19. “Man should forget his anger before he lies down to sleep.” – Mahatma Gandhi
20. “Be the change you want to see in the world.” – Mahatma Gandhi