Rita Rudner – Page 2 – Friendship Quotes – a large collection of famous and inspirational quotes

Cute Quotes to Make You Smile

Posted on October 1, 2010 by

– “Men like to barbecue. Men will cook if danger is involved.” – Rita Rudner

– “My wife was too beautiful for words – but not for arguments.” – John Barrymore

– “I think any man in business would be foolish to fool around with his secretary. If it’s somebody else’s secretary, fine.” – Barry Goldwater

– “A babysitter is a teenager acting like an adult while the adults are out acting like teenagers.” – Anonymous

– “I was showing early symptoms of becoming a professional baseball man. I was lying to the press.” – Roger Kahn

– “A man’s go to do what a man’s got to do. A woman must do what he can’t.” – Rhonda Hansome

– “The secret of staying young is to live honestly, eat slowly, and lie about your age.” – Lucille Ball

– “Love is the child of illusion and the parent of disillusion.” – Miguel de Unamuno

– “Accomplishing the impossible means only that the boss will add it to your regular duties.” – Anonymous

– “All the things I really like are either immoral, illegal or fattening.” – Alexander Woollcott

– “Adults are always asking kids what they want to be when they grow up because they are looking for ideas.” – Paula Poundstone

– “Nobody believes the official spokesman, but everybody trusts an unidentified source.” – Ron Nesen

– “Advertising is the art of convincing people to spend money they don’t have on something they don’t need.” – Will Rogers

– “Don’t forget Mother’s Day… or as they call it in Beverly Hills, Dad’s Third Wife Day.” – Jay Leno

– “Age is just a number. It’s totally irrelevant unless, of course, you happen to be a bottle of wine.” – Joan Collins

– “If we’re not supposed to eat animals, how come they’re made out of meat?” – Tom Snyder

– “Things hurt me now. My knees hurt, my back hurts. But your head still thinks it’s twenty-three.” – George Clooney

– “Guests, like fish, begin to smell after three days.” – Benjamin Franklin

– “Some people are like Slinkies – not really good for anything, but you still can’t help but smile when you see one tumble down the stairs.” – Anonymous

– “You better live every day like it’s your last day, because one day you’re going to be right.” – Ray Charles

– “I think men who have a pierced ear are better prepared for marriage. They’ve experienced pain and bought jewelry.” – Rita Rudner

Morning Quotes

Posted on January 26, 2010 by

– “If you’re going to do something tonight that you’ll be sorry for tomorrow morning, sleep late.” – Henny Youngman

– “Lose an hour in the morning, and you will be all day hunting for it.” – Richard Whately

– “The average, healthy, well-adjusted adult gets up at seven-thirty in the morning feeling just plain terrible.” – Jean Kerr, Please Don’t Eat the Daisies, 1957

– “I’d like mornings better if they started later.” – Unknown

– “For what human ill does not dawn seem to be an alleviation?” – Thornton Wilder

– “Through the blackest night, morning gently tiptoes, feeling its way to dawn.” – Robert Brault

– “Be pleasant until ten o’clock in the morning and the rest of the day will take care of itself.” – Elbert Hubbard

– “The older generation thought nothing of getting up at five every morning – and the younger generation doesn’t think much of it either.” – John J. Welsh

– “If people were meant to pop out of bed, we’d all sleep in toasters.” – Unknown

– “Sadness flies on the wings of the morning and out of the heart of darkness comes the light.” – Jean Giraudoux

– “The sun is but a morning star.” – Henry David Thoreau, Walden

– “There is no snooze button on a cat who wants breakfast.” – Unknown

– “There is no hope for a civilization which starts each day to the sound of an alarm clock.” – Unknown

– “I can see the orange haze on the horizon as the morning exhales a yawn, and seems to be ready to rise.” – Jeb Dickerson

– “I have a “carpe diem” mug and, truthfully, at six in the morning the words do not make me want to seize the day. They make me want to slap a dead poet.” – Joanne Sherman

– “Never work before breakfast; if you have to work before breakfast, eat your breakfast first.” – Josh Billings

– “The plans that I made when horizontal are working out now that I’m vertical.” – Betsy Cañas Garmon

– “Luxury is an ancient notion. There was once a Chinese mandarin who had himself wakened three times every morning simply for the pleasure of being told it was not yet time to get up.” – Argosy

– “One key to success is to have lunch at the time of day most people have breakfast.” – Robert Brault

– “The sun has not caught me in bed in fifty years.” – Thomas Jefferson

– “I’ll tell you how the sun rose a ribbon at a time.” – Emily Dickinson

– “To him whose elastic and vigorous thought keeps pace with the sun, the day is a perpetual morning.” – Henry David Thoreau

– “Dawn: When men of reason go to bed.” – Ambrose Bierce

– “No human being believes that any other human being has a right to be in bed when he himself is up.” – Robert Lynd

– “Early morning cheerfulness can be extremely obnoxious.” – William Feather

– “Most people do not consider dawn to be an attractive experience – unless they are still up.” – Ellen Goodman

– “I don’t think jogging is healthy, especially morning jogging. If morning joggers knew how tempting they looked to morning motorists, they would stay home and do sit-ups.” – Rita Rudner