Friendship Quotes – a large collection of famous and inspirational quotes

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Funny Life Quotes

Life without fun is nothing. Let me share with you a great piece of Funny Life Quotes. Please choose your favorite and write it on comments section. Thanks! :)

Funny Life Quotes

“The road to success is always under construction.”

“A bargain is something you can’t use at a price you can’t resist.” – Franklin P. Jones

“I totally take back all those times I didn’t want to nap when I was younger.”

“Tell someone there are 300 billion stars in the universe and they’ll believe you. Tell them a bench has wet paint on it and they’ll have to touch it to be sure.” – Murphy’s Law

“If you think something small can’t make a difference, try going to sleep with a mosquito in the room.”

“The only time a windshield wiper will work properly is when it’s holding a parking ticket.”

“How many times is it appropriate to say “What?” before you just nod and smile because you still didn’t hear or understand a word they said?”

“How is it that one match can start a forest fire, but it takes a whole box of matches to start a campfire?” – Christy Whitehead

“I know that you believe you understand what you think I said, but I’m not sure you realize that what you heard is not what I meant.” – Robert McCloskey

“The next time you think you’re perfect, try walking on water.”

“Sometimes I’ll look down at my watch 3 consecutive times and still not know what time it is.”

Funny Life Quotes“Even under ideal conditions people have trouble locating their car keys in a pocket, finding their cell phone, and Pinning the Tail on the Donkey – but I’d bet everyone can find and push the snooze button from 3 feet away, in about 1.7 seconds, eyes closed, first time, every time.”

“Why do they call it rush hour when nothing moves?”

“Bad decisions make good stories.”

“How is it that our memory is good enough to retain the least triviality that happens to us, and yet not good enough to recollect how often we have told it to the same person?” – François Duc de La Rochefoucauld

“I have six locks on my door all in a row. When I go out, I lock every other one. I figure no matter how long somebody stands there picking the locks, they are always locking three.”

“People who snore always fall asleep first.”

“The trouble with, “A place for everything and everything in its place” is that there’s always more everything than places.” – Robert Brault

“No one is listening until you pass gas.”

“Life was so much easier when your clothes didn’t match and boys had cooties!”

“You’ve reached middle age when all you exercise is caution.”

This is you list of Funny Life Quotes. Can you tell us who was your favorite? Although, if you got another funny quote that is not on the list, please tell.

*photo via

Funny Peter Kay Questions

“ Why is it called Alcoholics Anonymous when the first thing you do is stand up and say, ‘My name is Bob, and I am an alcoholic’?”

“ Why is there a light in the fridge and not in the freezer?”

“ Why does mineral water that ‘has trickled through mountains for centuries’ have a ‘use by’ date? “

“ Why do toasters always have a setting that burns the toast to a horrible crisp no one would eat? “

“ What do people in China call their good plates? “

“ If corn oil is made from corn, and vegetable oil is made from vegetables, then what is baby oil made from? “

“ Why is it that when someone tells you that there are over a billion stars in the universe, you believe them, but if they tell you there is wet paint somewhere, you have to touch it to make sure? “

“ Do illiterate people get the full effect of Alphabet Soup? “

“ Did you ever notice that when you blow in a dog’s face, he gets mad at you but when you take him on a car ride, he sticks his head out of the window? “