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Funny Life Quotes

Life without fun is nothing. Let me share with you a great piece of Funny Life Quotes. Please choose your favorite and write it on comments section. Thanks! :)

Funny Life Quotes

“The road to success is always under construction.”

“A bargain is something you can’t use at a price you can’t resist.” – Franklin P. Jones

“I totally take back all those times I didn’t want to nap when I was younger.”

“Tell someone there are 300 billion stars in the universe and they’ll believe you. Tell them a bench has wet paint on it and they’ll have to touch it to be sure.” – Murphy’s Law

“If you think something small can’t make a difference, try going to sleep with a mosquito in the room.”

“The only time a windshield wiper will work properly is when it’s holding a parking ticket.”

“How many times is it appropriate to say “What?” before you just nod and smile because you still didn’t hear or understand a word they said?”

“How is it that one match can start a forest fire, but it takes a whole box of matches to start a campfire?” – Christy Whitehead

“I know that you believe you understand what you think I said, but I’m not sure you realize that what you heard is not what I meant.” – Robert McCloskey

“The next time you think you’re perfect, try walking on water.”

“Sometimes I’ll look down at my watch 3 consecutive times and still not know what time it is.”

Funny Life Quotes“Even under ideal conditions people have trouble locating their car keys in a pocket, finding their cell phone, and Pinning the Tail on the Donkey – but I’d bet everyone can find and push the snooze button from 3 feet away, in about 1.7 seconds, eyes closed, first time, every time.”

“Why do they call it rush hour when nothing moves?”

“Bad decisions make good stories.”

“How is it that our memory is good enough to retain the least triviality that happens to us, and yet not good enough to recollect how often we have told it to the same person?” – François Duc de La Rochefoucauld

“I have six locks on my door all in a row. When I go out, I lock every other one. I figure no matter how long somebody stands there picking the locks, they are always locking three.”

“People who snore always fall asleep first.”

“The trouble with, “A place for everything and everything in its place” is that there’s always more everything than places.” – Robert Brault

“No one is listening until you pass gas.”

“Life was so much easier when your clothes didn’t match and boys had cooties!”

“You’ve reached middle age when all you exercise is caution.”

This is you list of Funny Life Quotes. Can you tell us who was your favorite? Although, if you got another funny quote that is not on the list, please tell.

*photo via

25 Happiness Quotes to Brighten Your Day

1. “Happiness is not a brilliant climax to years of grim struggle and anxiety. It is a long succession of little decisions simply to be happy in the moment.” –J. Donald Walters

2. “What sunshine is to flowers, smiles are to humanity. These are but trifles, to be sure; but, scattered along life’s pathway, the good they do is inconceivable.” –Joseph Addison

3. “Real happiness is cheap enough, yet how dearly we pay for its counterfeit.” –Hosea Ballou

4. “Happiness cannot be traveled to, owned, earned, worn or consumed. Happiness is the spiritual experience of living every minute with love, grace and gratitude.” – Denis Waitley

5. “Being happy doesn’t mean that everything is perfect. It means you’ve decided to look beyond the imperfections.” –Unknown

6. “A string of excited, fugitive, miscellaneous pleasures is not happiness; happiness resides in imaginative reflection and judgment, when the picture of one’s life, or of human life, as it truly has been or is, satisfies the will, and is gladly accepted.” –George Santayana

7.“There can be no happiness if the things we believe in are different from the things we do.” –Freya Stark

8. “Thousands of candles can be lighted from a single candle, and the life of the candle will not be shortened. Happiness never decreases by being shared.” – Buddha

9. “He who has felt the deepest grief is best able to experience supreme happiness.” –Alexandre Dumas

10. “There are as many nights as days, and the one is just as long as the other in the year’s course. Even a happy life cannot be without a measure of darkness, and the word ‘happy’ would lose its meaning if it were not balanced by sadness.” –Carl Jung

11. “When I meet people from other cultures I know that they too want happiness and do not want suffering, this allows me to see them as brothers and sisters.” –Dalai Lama, Tenzin Gyatso

12. “Gratefulness is the key to a happy life that we hold in our hands, because if we are not grateful, then no matter how much we have we will not be happy — because we will always want to have something else or something more.” –David Steindl-Rast

13. “People take different roads seeking fulfillment and happiness. Just because they’re not on your road doesn’t mean they’ve gotten lost.” –H. Jackson Brown, Jr.

14. “If your own mental attitude is correct, even if you remain in a hostile atmosphere, you feel happy.” – Tenzin Gyatso, 14th Dalai Lama

15. “No one is in control of your happiness but you; therefore, you have the power to change anything about yourself or your life that you want to change.” –Barbara De Angelis

16. “A happy person is not a person in a certain set of circumstances, but rather a person with a certain set of attitudes.” –Hugh Downs

17. “Those who bring sunshine into the lives of others cannot keep it from themselves.” – James M. Barrie

18. “No matter how much madder it may make you, get out of bed forcing a smile. You may not smile because you are cheerful; but if you will force yourself to smile, you’ll end up laughing. You will be cheerful because you smile. Repeated experiments prove that when man assumes the facial expressions of a given mental mood–any given mood–then that mental mood itself will follow.” –Kenneth Goode

19. “The best remedy for those who are afraid, lonely or unhappy is to go outside, somewhere where they can be quiet, alone with the heavens, nature and God. Because only then does one feel that all is as it should be and that God wishes to see people happy, amidst the simple beauty of nature.” – Anne Frank

20. “Happy are those who dream dreams and are willing to pay the price to make them come true.” –Unknown

21. “The greater part of our happiness or misery depends on our dispositions, and not on our circumstances. We carry the seeds of the one or the other about with us in our minds wherever we go.” –Martha Washington

22. “Happiness consists not in having, but of being, not of possessing, but of enjoying. It is the warm glow of a heart at peace with itself.”-Norman Vincent Peale

23. “People spend a lifetime searching for happiness; looking for peace. They chase idle dreams, addictions, religions, even other people, hoping to fill the emptiness that plagues them. The irony is the only place they ever needed to search was within.” – Ramona L. Anderson

24. “Whoever does not regard what he has as most ample wealth, is unhappy, though he be master of the world.” –Epictetus

25. “Those who decide to use leisure as a means of mental development, who love good music, good books, good pictures, good company, good conversation, are the happiest people in the world.” –William Lyon Phelps

Best Oscar Wilde Quotes #2

« Best of the Oscar Wilde Quotes #1

– “At twilight, nature is not without loveliness, though perhaps its chief use is to illustrate quotations from the poets.”

– “Beauty is a form of genius – is higher, indeed, than genius, as it needs no explanation. It is of the great facts in the world like sunlight, or springtime, or the reflection in dark water of that silver shell we call the moon.”

– “Between men and women there is no friendship possible. There is passion, enmity, worship, love, but no friendship.”

– “Bigamy is having one wife too many. Monogamy is the same.”

– “Biography lends to death a new terror.”

– “By giving us the opinions of the uneducated, journalism keeps us in touch with the ignorance of the community.”

– “By persistently remaining single, a man converts himself into a permanent public temptation.”

– “Caricature is the tribute that mediocrity pays to genius.”

– “Charity creates a multitude of sins.”

– “Children begin by loving their parents; after a time they judge them; rarely, if ever, do they forgive them.”

– “Children have a natural antipathy to books – handicraft should be the basis of education. Boys and girls should be taught to use their hands to make something, and they would be less apt to destroy and be mischievous.”

– “Conscience and cowardice are really the same things. Conscience is the trade-name of the firm. That is all.”

– “Consistency is the last refuge of the unimaginative.”

– “Conversation about the weather is the last refuge of the unimaginative.”

– “Cynic: a man who knows the price of everything and the value of nothing.”

– “Deceiving others. That is what the world calls a romance.”

– “Democracy means simply the bludgeoning of the people, by the people, for the people.”

– “Do you really think it is weakness that yields to temptation? I tell you that there are terrible temptations which it requires strength, strength and courage to yield to.”

– “Each class preaches the importance of those virtues it need not exercise. The rich harp on the value of thrift, the idle grow eloquent over the dignity of labor.”

– “Education is an admirable thing, but it is well to remember from time to time that nothing that is worth knowing can be taught.”

– “Every portrait that is painted with feeling is a portrait of the artist, not of the sitter.”

– “Every saint has a past and every sinner has a future.”

– “Everyone should keep someone else’s diary.”

– “Everything popular is wrong.”

– “Experience is one thing you can’t get for nothing.”

– “Experience is simply the name we give our mistakes.”

– “Fashion is a form of ugliness so intolerable that we have to alter it every six months.”

– “Fathers should be neither seen nor heard. That is the only proper basis for family life.”

– “Hatred is blind, as well as love.”

– “He hadn’t a single redeeming vice.”

– “He has no enemies, but is intensely disliked by his friends.”

– “He lives the poetry that he cannot write. The others write the poetry that they dare not realize.”

– “He must have a truly romantic nature, for he weeps when there is nothing at all to weep about.”

– “He was always late on principle; his principle being that punctuality is the thief of time.”

– “Her capacity for family affection is extraordinary: when her third husband died, her hair turned quite gold from grief.”

– “How can a woman be expected to be happy with a man who insists on treating her as if she were a perfectly normal human being.”

– “How marriage ruins a man! It is as demoralizing as cigarettes, and far more expensive.”

– “How strange a thing this is! The Priest telleth me that the Soul is worth all the gold in the world, and the merchants say that it is not worth a clipped piece of silver.”

– “I always like to know everything about my new friends, and nothing about my old ones.”

– “I am not young enough to know everything.”

– “I can believe anything as long as it is incredible.”

– “I have nothing to declare except my genius.”

– “I have the simplest tastes. I am always satisfied with the best.”

– “I hope you have not been leading a double life, pretending to be wicked and being really good all the time. That would be hypocrisy.”

– “I must decline your invitation owing to a subsequent engagement.”

– “I never travel without my diary. One should always have something sensational to read in the train.”

– “I put all my genius into my life; I put only my talent into my works.”

– “I think that God in creating Man somewhat overestimated his ability.”

– “I was working on the proof of one of my poems all the morning, and took out a comma. In the afternoon I put it back again.”

– “I do not approve of anything that tampers with natural ignorance.”

– “I like men who have a future and women who have a past.”

– “I never play cricket. It requires one to assume such indecent postures.”

– “I regard the theatre as the greatest of all art forms, the most immediate way in which a human being can share with another the sense of what it is to be a human being.”

– “I see when men love women. They give them but a little of their lives. But women when they love give everything.”

– “I suppose society is wonderfully delightful. To be in it is merely a bore. But to be out of it is simply a tragedy.”

– “I think that God, in creating man, somewhat overestimated his ability.”

– “I want my food dead. Not sick, not dying – dead.”

– “If one cannot enjoy reading a book over and over again, there is no use in reading it at all.”

– “If one could only teach the English how to talk, and the Irish how to listen, society here would be quite civilized.”

– “If one plays good music, people don’t listen and if one plays bad music people don’t talk.”

– “If there was less sympathy in the world, there would be less trouble in the world.”

– “If you are not too long, I will wait here for you all my life.”

– “If you meet at dinner a man who has spent his life in educating himself you rise from the table richer, and conscious that a high ideal has for a moment touched and sanctified your days.”

– “If you pretend to be good, the world takes you very seriously. If you pretend to be bad, it doesn’t. Such is the astounding stupidity of optimism.”

– “Illusion is the first of all pleasures.”

– “In all matters of opinion, our adversaries are insane.”

– “In America the President reigns for four years and journalism governs forever and ever.”