Funny Quotes
– “My Father had a profound influence on me, he was a lunatic.” – Spike Milligan
– “My father would take me to the playground, and put me on mood swings.” – Jay London
– “My grandmother started walking five miles a day when she was sixty. She’s ninety-seven now, and we don’t know where the hell she is.” – Ellen DeGeneres
– “My inner child is not wounded.” – Shannen Doherty
– “My theory is that all of Scottish cuisine is based on a dare.” – Mike Myers
– “Never fight an inanimate object.” – P. J. O’Rourke
– “Never floss with a stranger.” – Joan Rivers
– “Never have more children than you have car windows.” – Erma Bombeck
– “Never raise your hand to your children – it leaves your midsection unprotected.” – Robert Orben
– “Never wear anything that panics the cat.” – P. J. O’Rourke
– “Nobody ever went broke underestimating the taste of the American public.” – H. L. Mencken
– “O Lord, help me to be pure, but not yet.” – Saint Augustine
– “Oh, the tiger will love you. There is no sincerer love than the love of food.” – George Bernard Shaw
– “Older people shouldn’t eat health food, they need all the preservatives they can get.” – Robert Orben
– “One man’s folly is another man’s wife.” – Helen Rowland
– “Originality is the fine art of remembering what you hear but forgetting where you heard it.” – Laurence J. Peter
– “Our national flower is the concrete cloverleaf.” – Lewis Mumford
– “Parents are the last people on earth who ought to have children.” – Samuel Butler
– “Parrots make great pets. They have more personality than goldfish.” – Chevy Chase
– “People always ask me, ‘Were you funny as a child?’ Well, no, I was an accountant.” – Ellen DeGeneres