Friendship Quotes – a large collection of famous and inspirational quotes

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20 Humor Quotes

1. If it weren’t for my lawyer, I’d still be in prison. It went a lot faster with two people digging. —Joe Martin

2. Acquaintance, n.: A person whom we know well enough to borrow from, but not well enough to lend to. —Ambrose Bierce

3. I like long walks, especially when they are taken by people who annoy me. —Noel Coward

4. The difference between death and taxes is death doesn’t get worse every time Congress meets. —Will Rogers

5. You know you’re getting old when you stop to tie your shoelaces and wonder what else you could do while you’re down there. —George Burns

6. Time flies like an arrow; fruit flies like a banana. —Groucho Marx

7. Those are my principles. If you don’t like them I have others.—Groucho Marx

8. Somewhere on this globe, every ten seconds, there is a woman giving birth to a child. She must be found and stopped. —Sam Levenson

9. Quidquid latine dictum sit, altum sonatur. —Unknown Author

10. The most remarkable thing about my mother is that for thirty years she served the family nothing but leftovers. The original meal has never been found. —Calvin Trillin

11. The tooth fairy teaches children that they can sell body parts for money. —David Richerby

12. My friends tell me I have an intimacy problem. But they don’t really know me. —Garry Shandling

13. I don’t deserve this award, but I have arthritis and I don’t deserve that either. —Jack Benny

14. I always wanted to be somebody, but now I realize I should have been more specific. —Lily Tomlin

15. If God wanted us to fly, He would have given us tickets. —Mel Brooks

16. If I only had a little humility, I’d be perfect. —Ted Turner

17. When I read about the evils of drinking, I gave up reading. —Henny Youngman

18. The secret of life is honesty and fair dealing. If you can fake that, you’ve got it made. —Groucho Marx

19. Hofstadter’s Law: It always takes longer than you expect, even when you take into account Hofstadter’s Law. —Douglas Hofstadter

20. Honest criticism is hard to take, particularly from a relative, a friend, an acquaintance, or a stranger. —Franklin P. Jones

20 Interesting Quotes

1. Education is what remains after one has forgotten what one has learned in school. —Albert Einstein

2. Millions long for immortality who do not know what to do with themselves on a rainy Sunday afternoon. —Susan Erz

3. Computers are useless. They can only give you answers. —Pablo Picasso

4. A genius! For 37 years I’ve practised fourteen hours a day, and now they call me a genius! —Pablo Sarasate

5. There is nobody so irritating as somebody with less intelligence and more sense than we have. —Don Herold

6. The bad news is time flies. The good news is you’re the pilot. —Michael Althsuler

7. The little I know I owe to my ignorance. —Orville Mars

8. The reasonable man adapts himself to the world; the unreasonable one persists to adapt the world to himself. Therefore all progress depends on the unreasonable man. —George Bernard Shaw

9. In God we trust; all others bring data. —Dr. W. Edwards Deming

10. The difference between the right word and the almost right word is the difference between lightning and a lightning bug. —Mark Twain

11. Never argue with a fool, onlookers may not be able to tell the difference. —Mark Twain

12. My definition of a free society is a society where it is safe to be unpopular. —Adlai E. Stevenson Jr.

13. Simple, clear purpose and principles give rise to complex and intelligent behavior. Complex rules and regulations give rise to simple and stupid behavior. —Dee Hock

14. Logic will get you from A to B. Imagination will take you everywhere. —Albert Einstein

15. In preparing for battle I have always found that plans are useless, but planning is indispensable.—Dwight D. Eisenhower

16. The opposite of a correct statement is a false statement. But the opposite of a profound truth may well be another profound truth. —Niels Bohr

17. Before you go and criticize the younger generation, just remember who raised them. —Unknown Author

18. Talent hits a target no one else can hit; Genius hits a target no one else can see. —Arthur Schopenhauer

19. It is amazing what you can accomplish if you do not care who gets the credit. —Harry Truman

20. A conclusion is the place where you got tired thinking. —Martin H. Fischer

Top 10 Love Quotes

1. Love is composed of a single soul inhabiting two bodies. – Aristotle

2. Lucky is the man who is the first love of a woman, but luckier is the woman who is the last love of a man. – Unknown

3. When you are in Love you can’t fall asleep because reality is better than your dreams. – Dr Seuss

4. Love is a canvas furnished by nature and embroidered by imagination. – Voltaire

5. You come to love not by finding the perfect person, but by seeing an imperfect person perfectly. – Sam Keen

6. One word frees us of all the weight and pain of life: That word is love. – Sophocles

7. To the world you may be just one person, but to one person you may be the world. – Unknown

8. At the touch of love, everyone becomes a poet. – Plato

9. The best and most beautiful things in the world cannot be seen or even touched. They must be felt with the heart. – Helen Keller

10. I love you; not only for what you are, but for what I am when I am with you. – love quote