Tag: Dick Cavett

Funny Quotes About Parents

Posted on August 13, 2011 by

“Parents are not interested in justice, they’re interested in peace and quiet.” – Bill Cosby

“There are two things that a child will share willingly – communicable diseases and its mother’s age.” – Benjamin Spock

“I don’t think my parents liked me. They put a live teddy bear in my crib.” – Woody Allen

“Fatherhood is pretending the present you love most is soap-on-a-rope.” – Bill Cosby

“Parents are the bones on which children cut their teeth.” – Peter Ustinov

“Like all parents, my husband and I just do the best we can, and hold our breath, and hope we’ve set aside enough money to pay for our kids’ therapy.” – Michelle Pfeiffer

“Think of stretch marks as pregnancy service stripes.” – Joyce Armor

“Little League baseball is a very good thing because it keeps the parents off the streets.” – Yogi Berra

“The most loving parents and relatives commit murder with smiles on their faces. They force us to destroy the person we really are: a subtle kind of murder.” – Jim Morrison

“I could tell my parents hated me. My bath toys were a toaster and a radio.” – Rodney Dangerfield

“If your parents never had children, chances are you won’t, either.” – Dick Cavett

“That’s sort of a cliché about parents. We all believe that our children are the most beautiful children in the world. But the thing is, what no one really talks about is the fact that we all really believe it.” – Heather Armstrong

“My father hated radio and could not wait for television to be invented so he could hate that too.” – Peter De Vries

“Somewhere it is written that parents who are critical of other people’s children and publicly admit they can do better is asking for it.” – Erma Bombeck

“My husband and I have decided to start a family while my parents are still young enough to look after them.” – Rita Rudner

“Call me Jonah. My parents did, or nearly did. They called me John.” – Kurt Vonnegut

“It is paradoxical that many educators and parents still differentiate between a time for learning and a time for play without seeing the vital connection between them.” – Leo Buscaglia

“Parents wonder why the streams are bitter, when they themselves have poisoned the fountain.” – John Locke

“My mother had a great deal of trouble with me, but I think she enjoyed it.” – Mark Twain

“Parents were invented to make children happy by giving them something to ignore.” – Ogden Nash

“My parents are my backbone. Still are. They’re the only group that will support you if you score zero or you score 40.” – Kobe Bryant

“I believe that we parents must encourage our children to become educated, so they can get into a good college that we cannot afford.” – Dave Barry

“Tyranny or slavery, born of selfishness, are the two educational methods of parents; all gradations of tyranny or slavery.” – Franz Kafka

“The best part about being friends with your parents is that no matter what you do, they have to keep loving you.” – Natalie Portman

Famous Humor Quotes

Posted on February 26, 2011 by

“Always forgive your enemies; nothing annoys them so much.” – Oscar Wilde

“There’s so much comedy on television. Does that cause comedy in the streets?” – Dick Cavett

“Never be afraid to laugh at yourself. After all, you could be missing out on the joke of the century.” – Dame Edna Everage

“That is the saving grace of humor. If you fail no one is laughing at you.” – A. Whitney Brown

“Humor is perhaps a sense of intellectual perspective: an awareness that some things are really important, others not; and that the two kinds are most oddly jumbled in everyday affairs.” – Christopher Morely

“Life is tough, and if you have the ability to laugh at it you have the ability to enjoy it.” – Salma Hayek

“The best jokes are dangerous, and dangerous because they are in some way truthful.” – Kurt Vonnegut

“Analyzing humor is like dissecting a frog. Few people are interested and the frog dies of it.” – E.B. White

“You are not angry with people when you laugh at them. Humor teaches tolerance.” – W. Somerset Maugham

“I think the next best thing to solving a problem is finding some humor in it.” – Frank Howard Clark

Laughs Quotes

Posted on December 11, 2010 by

There is a fine line between fishing and just standing on the shore like an idiot. – Steven Wright

Karate is a form of martial arts in which people who have had years and years of training can, using only their hands and feet, make some of the worst movies in the history of the world. – Dave Barry

It’s hard to argue with the government. Remember, they run the Bureau of Alcohol, Tobacco and Firearms, so they must know a thing or two about satisfying women. – Scott Adams

I think animal testing is a terrible idea; they get all nervous and give the wrong answers. – A Bit of Fry and Laurie

The hypothalamus is one of the most important parts of the brain, involved in many kinds of motivation, among other functions. The hypothalamus controls the “Four F’s”: Fighting, fleeing, feeding and… mating. – Psychology professor in neuropsychology intro course

What is a committee? A group of the unwilling, picked from the unfit, to do the unnecessary. – Mark Twain

I am not a vegetarian because I love animals; I am a vegetarian because I hate plants. – A. Whitney Brown

A great many people think they are thinking when they are merely rearranging their prejudices. – William James

There’s so much comedy on television. Does that cause comedy in the streets? – Dick Cavett

Why don’t sheep shrink when it rains? – Unknown