Tag: Humorous Quotes

Funny and Humorous Quotes

Posted on June 20, 2011 by

The man who smiles when things go wrong has thought of someone to blame it on. – Robert Bloch

Never take life seriously. Nobody gets out alive anyway. – Unknown

Everyone has photographic memory; some just don’t have the film. – Unknown

Always remember you’re unique, just like everyone else. – Unknown

Everybody wants to go to heaven; but nobody wants to die. – Unknown

Life is what happens to you while you’re busy making other plans – John Lennon

Borrow money from a pessimist – they don’t expect it back. – Unknown

You can be young without money but you can’t be old without it. – Unknown

Summer is the season when the air pollution is much warmer – Unknown

Behind every successful man is a surprised woman. – Maryon Pearson

Hard work never killed anybody, but why take a chance? – Unknown

A computer once beat me at chess, but it was no match for me at kick boxing. – Unknown

What do you mean, my birth certificate expired? – Unknown

When I eventually met Mr Right I had no idea that his first name was Always. – Rita Rudner

robin-williams – “Never pick a fight with an ugly person, they’ve got nothing to lose.” – Robin Williams
– “What’s right is what’s left if you do everything else wrong.” – Robin Williams
– “God gave us a penis and a brain, but not enough blood to use both at the same time.” – Robin Williams
– “Why do they call it rush hour when nothing moves?” – Robin Williams
– “No matter what people tell you, words and ideas can change the world.” – Robin Williams
– “Spring is nature’s way of saying, Let’s party!” – Robin Williams

– “You’re only given a little spark of madness. You mustn’t lose it.” – Robin Williams

– “If women ran the world we wouldn’t have wars, just intense negotiations every 28 days.” – Robin Williams

– “Mickey Mouse to a three-year-old is a six-foot-tall RAT!” – Robin Williams

– “I’m a very tolerant man, except when it comes to holding a grudge.” – Robin Williams

– “Sometimes you’ve got to specifically go out of your way to get into trouble. It’s called fun.” – Robin Williams

Steve Martin Humorous Quotes

Posted on September 23, 2009September 23, 2009 by

steve_martin_photo – “Don’t have sex man. It leads to kissing and pretty soon you have to start talking to them.” – Steve Martin
– “I believe that sex is one of the most beautiful, natural, wholesome things that money can buy.” – Steve Martin
– “I believe you should place a woman on a pedestal – high enough so you can look up her dress.” – Steve Martin
– “I like a woman with a head on her shoulders. I hate necks.” – Steve Martin
– “A day without sunshine is like, you know, night.” – Steve Martin
– “Talking about music is like dancing about architecture.” – Steve Martin

– “A celebrity is anyone who looks like he spends more than two hours working on his hair.” – Steve Martin

– “You know “that look” women get when they want sex? Me neither.” – Steve Martin

– “I believe in eight of the ten commandments; and I believe in going to church every Sunday unless there’s a game on.” – Steve Martin

– “There is one thing I would break up over, and that is if she caught me with another woman. I won’t stand for that.” – Steve Martin

– “There are some people that will not pick up a phone and call you, but if you knock on a door and talk to them, they’ll talk back to you.” – Steve Martin

– “College totally changed my life. It changed what I believe and what I think about everything. I majored in philosophy.” – Steve Martin

– “I believe in equality. Equality for everybody. No matter how stupid they are or how superior I am to them.” – Steve Martin

– “I believe entertainment can aspire to be art, and can become art, but if you set out to make art you’re an idiot.” – Steve Martin

– “We’ve had some fun tonight…considering we’re all gonna die someday.” – Steve Martin