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Happy New Year Quotes

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Youth is when you’re allowed to stay up late on New Year’s Eve. Middle age is when you’re forced to. ~Bill Vaughn

An optimist stays up until midnight to see the new year in. A pessimist stays up to make sure the old year leaves. ~Bill Vaughan

Many people look forward to the new year for a new start on old habits. ~Author Unknown

A New Year’s resolution is something that goes in one year and out the other. ~Author Unknown

Be always at war with your vices, at peace with your neighbors, and let each new year find you a better man. ~Benjamin Franklin

No one ever regarded the First of January with indifference. It is that from which all date their time, and count upon what is left. It is the nativity of our common Adam. ~Charles Lamb

New Year’s Day is every man’s birthday. ~Charles Lamb

Never tell your resolution beforehand, or it’s twice as onerous a duty. ~John Selden

Year’s end is neither an end nor a beginning but a going on, with all the wisdom that experience can instill in us. ~Hal Borland

The merry year is born like the bright berry from the naked thorn. ~Hartley Coleridge

New Year’s eve is like every other night; there is no pause in the march of the universe, no breathless moment of silence among created things that the passage of another twelve months may be noted; and yet no man has quite the same thoughts this evening that come with the coming of darkness on other nights. ~Hamilton Wright Mabie

The Old Year has gone. Let the dead past bury its own dead. The New Year has taken possession of the clock of time. All hail the duties and possibilities of the coming twelve months! ~Edward Payson Powell

Cheers to a new year and another chance for us to get it right. ~Oprah Winfrey

March Quotes

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– “Arizona’s forest fires are not waiting for April, and neither will we. That is why I am pushing for stepped up deployment for Hot Shot wildfire crews in March rather than April, in order to better prepare for the expected fires in northern Arizona.” – Rick Renzi

– “Big Brother is on the march. A plan to subject all children to mental health screening is underway, and the pharmaceuticals are gearing up for bigger sales of psychotropic drugs.” – Phyllis Schlafly

– “By March ’87 we’re down to seven thousand, by the end of the year we’re down to twelve hundred. The whole bottom just fell out of the market. It was bad for me because I was in Australia at the time.” – Eddie Campbell

– “Don’t ever become a pessimist… a pessimist is correct oftener than an optimist, but an optimist has more fun, and neither can stop the march of events.” – Robert A. Heinlein

– “Dr. David Livingstone left the Island of Zanzibar in March, 1866.” – Henry Morton Stanley

– “Even if a minefield or the abyss should lie before me, I will march straight ahead without looking back.” – Zhu Rongji

– “Every day that is born into the world comes like a burst of music and rings the whole day through, and you make of it a dance, a dirge, or a life march, as you will.” – Thomas Carlyle

– “Every life is a march from innocence, through temptation, to virtue or vice.” – Lyman Abbott

– “Every pioneer and musician who could carry a musket went into the ranks. Even the sick and foot-sore, who could not keep up in the march, came up as soon as they could find their regiments, and took their places in line of battle, while it was battle, indeed.” – Joshua Chamberlain

– “For better or worse, I’ve always tried to march to my own drum and tell it like it is, while preserving some integrity and style. God, I’m fabulous!” – Michael Musto

– “For instance, I was a little surprised that the Shiites didn’t rise up against Saddam and the Baath party across most of the country when the Americans moved in March and April of 2003.” – Juan Cole

– “For me the march was a labor – a labor of love – but I was busy handing out flyers for the National Association of Black Social Workers, so I really wasn’t standing in the crowd listening and observing. I was busy.” – Andre Braugher

– “For myself, I believed that that 13th of March should see a fight to the finish, cost what it might! for if Bloemfontein was to be taken, it would only be over our dead bodies.” – Christiaan Rudolf de Wet

– “From the fall of October, 1980 to March, 1984 I never lost a competition.” – Scott Hamilton

– “Hand in hand with nationalist economic isolationism, militarism struggles to maintain the sovereign state against the forward march of internationalism.” – Christian Lous Lange

– “Higher education must lead the march back to the fundamentals of human relationships, to the old discovery that is ever new, that man does not live by bread alone.” – John Hannah

– “Historically, musicians know what it is like to be outside the norm – walking the high wire without a safety net. Our experience is not so different from those who march to the beat of different drummers.” – Billy Joel

– “I am never at my best in the early morning, especially a cold morning in the Yorkshire spring with a piercing March wind sweeping down from the fells, finding its way inside my clothing, nipping at my nose and ears.” – James Herriot

– “I appeal to you as a soldier to spare me the humiliation of seeing my regiment march to meet the enemy and I not share its dangers.” – George Armstrong Custer

Quotes about Women

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– “Women cannot complain about men anymore until they start getting better taste in them.” – Bill Maher

– “A male gynecologist is like an auto mechanic who has never owned a car.” – Carrie Snow

– “You start out happy that you have no hips or boobs. All of a sudden you get them, and it feels sloppy. Then just when you start liking them, they start drooping.” – Cindy Crawford

– “Every girl should use what Mother Nature gave her before Father Time takes it away.” – Laurence J. Peter

– “The average woman would rather have beauty than brains, because the average man can see better than he can think.” – Unknown

– “A woman can say more in a sigh than a man can say in a sermon.” – Arnold Haultain

– “Whatever women do they must do twice as well as men to be thought half as good. Luckily, this is not difficult.” – Charlotte Whitton

– “Women are always beautiful.” – Ville Valo

– “The two women exchanged the kind of glance women use when no knife is handy.” – Ellery Queen

– “Curve: The loveliest distance between two points.” – Mae West

– “Can you imagine a world without men? No crime and lots of happy fat women.” – Nicole Hollander

– “Women get the last word in every argument. Anything a man says after that is the beginning of a new argument.” – Unknown

– “Next to the wound, what women make best is the bandage.” – Jules Barbey d’Aurevilly

– “A pessimist is a man who thinks all women are bad. An optimist is a man who hopes they are.” – Chauncey Mitchell Depew

– “The rarest thing in the world is a woman who is pleased with photographs of herself.” – Elizabeth Metcalf

– “There is a special place in hell for women who do not help other women.” – Madeleine K. Albright

– “A man’s face is his autobiography. A woman’s face is her work of fiction.” – Oscar Wilde

– “There’s something luxurious about having a girl light your cigarette. In fact, I got married once on account of that.” – Harold Robbins

– “When a man talks dirty to a woman, it’s sexual harassment. When a woman talks dirty to a man, it’s $3.95 a minute.” – Unknown

– “Men get laid, but women get screwed.” – Quentin Crisp

– “The most popular image of the female despite the exigencies of the clothing trade is all boobs and buttocks, a hallucinating sequence of parabolae and bulges.” – Germaine Greer

– “Whether they give or refuse, it delights women just the same to have been asked.” – Ovid

– “Howiver, I’m not denyin’ the women are foolish: God Almighty made ’em to match the men.” – George Eliot, “The Harvest Supper”, Adam Bede

– “Women are like elephants to me. I like to look at them, but I wouldn’t want to own one.” – W.C. Fields

– “Women really do rule the world. They just haven’t figured it out yet. When they do, and they will, we’re all in big big trouble.” – Doctor Leon

50 funny quotes

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1. “Borrow money from a pessimist – they don’t expect it back” – Unknown

2. “Young men want to be faithful, and are not; old men want to be faithless, and cannot.” – Unknown

3. “Friendship is like peeing on yourself: everyone can see it, but only you get the warm feeling that it brings.” – Unknown

4. “I am so clever that sometimes I don’t understand a single word of what I am saying.” – Oscar Wilde

5. “Son, if you really want something in this life, you have to work for it. Now quiet! They’re about to announce the lottery numbers.” – Homer Simpson

6. “I am not a vegetarian because I love animals; I am a vegetarian because I hate plants.” – Whitney Brown

7. “When you are courting a nice girl an hour seems like a second. When you sit on a red-hot cinder a second seems like an hour. That’s relativity.” – Albert Einstein

8. “Dogs are the leaders of the planet. If you see two life forms, one of them is making a poop, the other one is carrying it for him, who would you assume is in charge.” – Jerry Seinfeld

9. “Here’s something to think about: How come you never see a headline like «Psychic Wins Lottery» ?” – Jay Leno

10. “One of the great things about books is sometimes there are some fantastic pictures.” – George W. Bush

11. “Insurance is like marriage. You pay, pay, pay, and you never get anything back.” – Al Bundy

12. “The only thing that interferes with my learning is my education.” – Albert Einstein

13. “My advice to you is get married: if you find a good wife you’ll be happy; if not, you’ll become a philosopher.” – Socrates

14. “Gas is getting so expensive I’m gonna ride a mexican to work.” – Chris Rock

15. “Men want the same thing from their underwear that they want from women: a little
bit of support, and a little bit of freedom.” – Jerry Seinfeld

16. “Never stand between a dog and the hydrant.” – John Peers

17. “I believe that sex is one of the most beautiful, natural, wholesome things that money can buy.” – Steve Martin

18. “Only two things are necessary to keep one’s wife happy. One is to let her think she is having her own way, and the other is to let her have it.” – Lyndon B. Johnson

19. “Human beings are the only creatures on earth that allow their children to come back home.” – Bill Cosbey

20. “If a man smiles all the time, he’s probably selling something that doesn’t work.” – George Carlin

21. “If you are going through hell, keep going.” – Winston Churchill

22. “Be careful about reading health books. You may die of a misprint.” – Mark Twain

23. “If you love your job, you haven’t worked a day in your life.” – Tommy Lasorda

24. “A lot of people are afraid of heights. Not me, I’m afraid of widths.” – Steven Wright

25. “You tried, and you failed, so the lesson is, never try.” – Homer J. Simpson

26. “Every man is guilty of all the good he didn’t do.” – Voltaire

27. “When an actor marries an actress they both fight for the mirror.” – Burt Reynolds

28. “Absence — that common cure of love.” – Miguel De Cervantes

29. “Always and never are two words you should always remember never to use.” – Wendell Johnson

30. “It matters not whether you win or lose; what matters is whether I win or lose.” – Weinberg

31. “As to marriage or celibacy, let a man take the course he will. He will be sure to repent.” – Socrates

32. “A husband is what’s left of the lover after the nerve has been extracted.” – Helen Rowland

33. “Never insult an alligator until after you have crossed the river.” – Cordel Hull

34. “I like pigs. Dogs look up to us. Cats look down on us. Pigs treat us as equals.” – Winston Churchill

35. “There are three faithful friends — an old wife, an old dog, and ready money.” – Benjamin Franklin

36. “The trouble with being punctual is that nobody’s there to appreciate.” – Franklin P. Jones

37. “All my life, I always wanted to be somebody. Now I see that I should
have been more specific.” – Jane Wagner

38. “The most exciting phrase to hear in science, the one that heralds new
discoveries, is not «Eureka!» (I found it!) but «That’s funny …» ” – Isaac Asimov

39. “Always forgive your enemies; nothing annoys them so much.” – Oscar Wilde

40. “Doing nothing is very hard to do … you never know when you’re finished.” – Leslie Nielsen

41. “The reason why worry kills more people than work is that more people worry than work.” – Robert Frost

42. “The person who writes for fools is always sure of a large audience.” – Arthur Schopenhauer

43. “An archaeologist is the best husband a woman can have; the older she gets the more interested he is in her.” – Agatha Christie

44. “I never forget a face, but in your case I’ll be glad to make an exception.” – Groucho Marx

45. “Good girls go to heaven, bad girls go everywhere.” – Mae West

46. “Beer is living proof that God loves us and wants us to be happy.” – Benjamin Franklin

47. “Dancing: the vertical expression of a horizontal desire.” – George Bernard Shaw

48. “Don’t knock masturbation. It’s sex with someone I love.” – Woody Allen

49. “All women are good – good for nothing, or good for something.” – Miguel De Cervantes

50. “Everything is funny as long as it is happening to somebody else.” – Will Rogers