Friendship Quotes – a large collection of famous and inspirational quotes

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Funny Life Quotes

Life without fun is nothing. Let me share with you a great piece of Funny Life Quotes. Please choose your favorite and write it on comments section. Thanks! :)

Funny Life Quotes

“The road to success is always under construction.”

“A bargain is something you can’t use at a price you can’t resist.” – Franklin P. Jones

“I totally take back all those times I didn’t want to nap when I was younger.”

“Tell someone there are 300 billion stars in the universe and they’ll believe you. Tell them a bench has wet paint on it and they’ll have to touch it to be sure.” – Murphy’s Law

“If you think something small can’t make a difference, try going to sleep with a mosquito in the room.”

“The only time a windshield wiper will work properly is when it’s holding a parking ticket.”

“How many times is it appropriate to say “What?” before you just nod and smile because you still didn’t hear or understand a word they said?”

“How is it that one match can start a forest fire, but it takes a whole box of matches to start a campfire?” – Christy Whitehead

“I know that you believe you understand what you think I said, but I’m not sure you realize that what you heard is not what I meant.” – Robert McCloskey

“The next time you think you’re perfect, try walking on water.”

“Sometimes I’ll look down at my watch 3 consecutive times and still not know what time it is.”

Funny Life Quotes“Even under ideal conditions people have trouble locating their car keys in a pocket, finding their cell phone, and Pinning the Tail on the Donkey – but I’d bet everyone can find and push the snooze button from 3 feet away, in about 1.7 seconds, eyes closed, first time, every time.”

“Why do they call it rush hour when nothing moves?”

“Bad decisions make good stories.”

“How is it that our memory is good enough to retain the least triviality that happens to us, and yet not good enough to recollect how often we have told it to the same person?” – François Duc de La Rochefoucauld

“I have six locks on my door all in a row. When I go out, I lock every other one. I figure no matter how long somebody stands there picking the locks, they are always locking three.”

“People who snore always fall asleep first.”

“The trouble with, “A place for everything and everything in its place” is that there’s always more everything than places.” – Robert Brault

“No one is listening until you pass gas.”

“Life was so much easier when your clothes didn’t match and boys had cooties!”

“You’ve reached middle age when all you exercise is caution.”

This is you list of Funny Life Quotes. Can you tell us who was your favorite? Although, if you got another funny quote that is not on the list, please tell.

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Morning Quotes

– “If you’re going to do something tonight that you’ll be sorry for tomorrow morning, sleep late.” – Henny Youngman

– “Lose an hour in the morning, and you will be all day hunting for it.” – Richard Whately

– “The average, healthy, well-adjusted adult gets up at seven-thirty in the morning feeling just plain terrible.” – Jean Kerr, Please Don’t Eat the Daisies, 1957

– “I’d like mornings better if they started later.” – Unknown

– “For what human ill does not dawn seem to be an alleviation?” – Thornton Wilder

– “Through the blackest night, morning gently tiptoes, feeling its way to dawn.” – Robert Brault

– “Be pleasant until ten o’clock in the morning and the rest of the day will take care of itself.” – Elbert Hubbard

– “The older generation thought nothing of getting up at five every morning – and the younger generation doesn’t think much of it either.” – John J. Welsh

– “If people were meant to pop out of bed, we’d all sleep in toasters.” – Unknown

– “Sadness flies on the wings of the morning and out of the heart of darkness comes the light.” – Jean Giraudoux

– “The sun is but a morning star.” – Henry David Thoreau, Walden

– “There is no snooze button on a cat who wants breakfast.” – Unknown

– “There is no hope for a civilization which starts each day to the sound of an alarm clock.” – Unknown

– “I can see the orange haze on the horizon as the morning exhales a yawn, and seems to be ready to rise.” – Jeb Dickerson

– “I have a “carpe diem” mug and, truthfully, at six in the morning the words do not make me want to seize the day. They make me want to slap a dead poet.” – Joanne Sherman

– “Never work before breakfast; if you have to work before breakfast, eat your breakfast first.” – Josh Billings

– “The plans that I made when horizontal are working out now that I’m vertical.” – Betsy Cañas Garmon

– “Luxury is an ancient notion. There was once a Chinese mandarin who had himself wakened three times every morning simply for the pleasure of being told it was not yet time to get up.” – Argosy

– “One key to success is to have lunch at the time of day most people have breakfast.” – Robert Brault

– “The sun has not caught me in bed in fifty years.” – Thomas Jefferson

– “I’ll tell you how the sun rose a ribbon at a time.” – Emily Dickinson

– “To him whose elastic and vigorous thought keeps pace with the sun, the day is a perpetual morning.” – Henry David Thoreau

– “Dawn: When men of reason go to bed.” – Ambrose Bierce

– “No human being believes that any other human being has a right to be in bed when he himself is up.” – Robert Lynd

– “Early morning cheerfulness can be extremely obnoxious.” – William Feather

– “Most people do not consider dawn to be an attractive experience – unless they are still up.” – Ellen Goodman

– “I don’t think jogging is healthy, especially morning jogging. If morning joggers knew how tempting they looked to morning motorists, they would stay home and do sit-ups.” – Rita Rudner