Funny Sarcastic Quotes

“Suppose you were an idiot, and suppose you a member of Congress, but I repeat myself.” – Mark Twain “Beauty is only skin deep, but ugly goes clear to the bone.” – A. B. Evans “You don’t say civilization don’t advance – for every war they kill you a new way.” – Will Rogers “The tongue is the only instrument that gets sharper with use.” – Colin Jarman “Critics are the stupid who discuss the wise.” – Anonymous “A critic is a man who writes about things he doesn’t like” – Anonymous “I love criticism just as long as it’s unqualified praise.” – Noel Coward “A critic is a man created to praise greater men than himself, but he is never able to find them.” – Richard Le Gallienne “The difference between journalism and literature is that journalism is unreadable and literature is not read.” – Oscar Wilde “When an opera singer sings her head off, she usually improves her appearance.” – Victor Borge “The fastest way to a man’s heart is through his chest.” – Roseanne Arnold “The power with her is that she lacks the power of conversation, but not the power of speech.” – George Bernard Shaw “I know she is outspoken, but by who?” – Dorothy Parker “You don’t know a woman, until you’ve met her in court.” – Norman Mailer “Women are like elephants to me; they’re nice to look at, but I wouldn’t want to own one.” – W.C. Fields “Women have a passion for mathematics. They divide their age in half, double the price of their clothes, and always add at least five years to the age of their best friends.” – Marcel Achard “A man without a woman is like a neck without a pain.” – Anonymous “Whatever women do, they must do twice as well as men to be thought half as good. Luckily, this is not difficult.”- Charlotte Whitton “A man’s love is incomplete until he has married. Then he’s finished.” – Zsa Zsa Gabor “Adam came first, but men always do.” – Anonymous “If they can put one man on the moon, why can’t they put them all there?” – Anonymous “Women have their faults. Men have only two: Everything they say. Everything they do.” – Anonymous “Japanese are extremely good imitators and they so polite, they even copy the mistakes.” – Earl Scrugge “If you’re gong to Paris you would do well to remember this: no matter how politely or distinctly you ask a Parisian a question he will persist in answering you in French.” – Fran Lebowits