“The question is not ‘Is there life after death?’ The question is, ‘Is there life before death?’” — Alan Cohen
“Talk is cheap because supply exceeds demand.” –Unknown
“All the beautiful sentiments in the world weigh less than a single lovely action.” — James Russell Lowel
“The difference between genius and stupidity is that genius has its limits.” –Unknown
“Tell your boss what you think of him, and the truth shall set you free.” – Unknown
“This above all; to thine own self be true.” — William Shakespeare
“Suppose you were an idiot and suppose you were a member of congress. But I repeat myself.” — Mark Twain
“We are always getting ready to live, but never living” – Ralph Waldo Emerson
“The only time a woman succeeds in changing a man is when he’s a baby.” — Natalie Wood
“I always wanted to be somebody, but I should have been more specific.” — Lily Tomlin
“When you invest your time and energy in stuff that drags you down, you die a little bit every day.” – Alan Cohen
“The only reason some people get lost in thought is because it’s unfamiliar territory.” –Paul Fix
“Until you try, you don’t know what you can’t do.” –Henry James
“Millions long for immortality who do not know what to do with themselves on a rainy Sunday afternoon.” –Susan Erz
“Be happy while you are living, for you are a long time dead.” –Scottish Proverb
“If you’re going through Hell, keep going.” –Winston Churchill
“How wonderful it is that nobody need wait a single moment before starting to improve the world.” –Anne Frank
“Never argue with a fool, onlookers may not be able to tell the difference.” –Mark Twain
“To think you know what is best for another person is an industrial-strength ego trip.” –Alan Cohen
“I like long walks, especially when they are taken by people who annoy me.” –Noel Coward
“If we all threw our problems in a pile and saw everyone else’s, we’d grab ours back.” — Regina Brett
“If there are no stupid questions, then what kind of questions do stupid people ask?” — Scott Adams
“You miss 100 percent of the shots you never take.” –Wayne Gretzky
“Even if you are on the right track, you’ll get run over if you just sit there.” –Will Rogers
“Doing your best in this moment puts you in the best place for the next moment.” –Oprah Winfrey
Today we celebrate Mark Twain’s birthday in our own, favorite way: sharing quotes. Let me show you some wonderful inspirational Mark Twain Quotes.
Never put off till tomorrow what you can do the day after tomorrow.
No sinner is ever saved after the first twenty minutes of a sermon.
Noise proves nothing. Often a hen who has merely laid an egg cackles as if she laid an asteroid.
Nothing so needs reforming as other people’s habits.
Often it does seem a pity that Noah and his party did not miss the boat.
One of the most striking differences between a cat and a lie is that a cat has only nine lives.
Only kings, presidents, editors, and people with tapeworms have the right to use the editorial “we.”
Only one thing is impossible for God: To find any sense in any copyright law on the planet.
Part of the secret of a success in life is to eat what you like and let the food fight it out inside.
Patriot: the person who can holler the loudest without knowing what he is hollering about.
Patriotism is supporting your country all the time, and your government when it deserves it.
Principles have no real force except when one is well-fed.
Prophesy is a good line of business, but it is full of risks.
Prosperity is the best protector of principle.
Reader, suppose you were an idiot. And suppose you were a member of Congress. But I repeat myself.
Repartee is something we think of twenty-four hours too late.
Soap and education are not as sudden as a massacre, but they are more deadly in the long run.
Sometimes too much to drink is barely enough.
Substitute “damn” every time you’re inclined to write “very”; your editor will delete it and the writing will be just as it should be.
Such is the human race, often it seems a pity that Noah… didn’t miss the boat.
“If you don’t read the newspaper you are uninformed. If you do read the newspaper, you are misinformed.” ~Mark Twain
Suppose you were an idiot. And suppose you were a member of Congress. But then, I repeat myself. ~Mark Twain
I contend that for a nation to try to tax itself into prosperity is like a man standing in a bucket and trying to lift himself up by the handle. ~Winston Churchill
A government which robs Peter to pay Paul can always depend on the support of Paul. ~George Bernard Shaw
A liberal is someone who feels a great debt to his fellow man, which debt he proposes to pay off with your money. ~G. Gordon Liddy
Democracy must be something more than two wolves and a sheep voting on what to have for dinner. ~James Bovard, (Civil Libertarian, 1994)
Foreign aid might be defined as a transfer of money from poor people in rich countries to rich people in poor countries. ~Douglas Casey *Bill Clinton’s Classmate at Georgetown University
Giving money and power to government is like giving whiskey and car keys to teenage boys. ~P.J. O’Rourke, Civil Libertarian
Government is the great fiction, through which everybody endeavors to live at the expense of everybody else. ~Frederic Bastiat, French Economist, 1801-1850
Government’s view of the economy could be summed up in a few short phrases: If it moves, tax it. If it keeps moving, regulate it. And if it stops moving, subsidize it.~Ronald Reagan 1986
I don’t make jokes. I just watch the government and report the facts. ~Will Rogers
If you think health care is expensive now, wait until you see what it costs when it’s free! ~P.J. O’Rourke
In general, the art of government consists of taking as much money as possible from one party of the citizens to give to the other. ~Voltaire 1764
Just because you do not take an interest in politics doesn’t mean politics won’t take an interest in you! ~Pericles 430 B.C.
No man’s life, liberty, or property is safe while the legislature is in session. ~Mark Twain 1866
Talk is cheap except when Congress does it. ~Unknown
The government is like a baby’s alimentary canal, with a happy appetite at one end and no responsibility at the other. ~Ronald Reagan
The inherent vice of capitalism is the unequal sharing of the blessings. The inherent blessing of socialism is the equal sharing of misery. ~Winston Churchill
The only difference between a tax man and a taxidermist is that the taxidermist leaves the skin. ~Mark Twain
The ultimate result of shielding men from the effects of folly is to fill the world with fools. ~Herbert Spencer English Philosopher 1820-1903
There is no distinctly Native American criminal class …save Congress. ~Mark Twain
What this country needs are more unemployed politicians. ~Edward Langley Artist,1928-1995
A government big enough to give you everything you want, is strong enough to take everything you have. ~Thomas Jefferson
“Suppose you were an idiot, and suppose you a member of Congress, but I repeat myself.” – Mark Twain
“Beauty is only skin deep, but ugly goes clear to the bone.” – A. B. Evans
“You don’t say civilization don’t advance – for every war they kill you a new way.” – Will Rogers
“The tongue is the only instrument that gets sharper with use.” – Colin Jarman
“Critics are the stupid who discuss the wise.” – Anonymous
“A critic is a man who writes about things he doesn’t like” – Anonymous
“I love criticism just as long as it’s unqualified praise.” – Noel Coward
“A critic is a man created to praise greater men than himself, but he is never able to find them.” – Richard Le Gallienne
“The difference between journalism and literature is that journalism is unreadable and literature is not read.” – Oscar Wilde
“When an opera singer sings her head off, she usually improves her appearance.” – Victor Borge
“The fastest way to a man’s heart is through his chest.” – Roseanne Arnold
“The power with her is that she lacks the power of conversation, but not the power of speech.” – George Bernard Shaw
“I know she is outspoken, but by who?” – Dorothy Parker
“You don’t know a woman, until you’ve met her in court.” – Norman Mailer
“Women are like elephants to me; they’re nice to look at, but I wouldn’t want to own one.” – W.C. Fields
“Women have a passion for mathematics. They divide their age in half, double the price of their clothes, and always add at least five years to the age of their best friends.” – Marcel Achard
“A man without a woman is like a neck without a pain.” – Anonymous
“Whatever women do, they must do twice as well as men to be thought half as good. Luckily, this is not difficult.”- Charlotte Whitton
“A man’s love is incomplete until he has married. Then he’s finished.” – Zsa Zsa Gabor
“Adam came first, but men always do.” – Anonymous
“If they can put one man on the moon, why can’t they put them all there?” – Anonymous
“Women have their faults. Men have only two: Everything they say. Everything they do.” – Anonymous
“Japanese are extremely good imitators and they so polite, they even copy the mistakes.” – Earl Scrugge
“If you’re gong to Paris you would do well to remember this: no matter how politely or distinctly you ask a Parisian a question he will persist in answering you in French.” – Fran Lebowits
I am opposed to millionaires, but it would be dangerous to offer me the position.
The first of April is the day we remember what we are the other 364 days of the year.
The Christian’s Bible is a drug store. Its contents remain the same, but the medical practice changes.
Let us make a special effort to stop communicating with each other, so we can have some conversation.
There are lies, damned lies and statistics.
The human race is a race of cowards; and I am not only marching in that procession but carrying a banner.
Humor is the great thing, the saving thing. The minute it crops up, all our irritations and resentments slip away and a sunny spirit takes their place.
Just the omission of Jane Austen’s books alone would make a fairly good library out of a library that hadn’t a book in it.
Suppose you were an idiot and suppose you were a member of Congress. But I repeat myself.
There are times when one would like to hang the whole human race, and finish the farce.
It is just like man’s vanity and impertinence to call an animal dumb because it is dumb to his dull perceptions.
I can live for two months on a good compliment.
There is a charm about the forbidden that makes it unspeakably desirable.
There is no sadder sight than a young pessimist.
I have been through some terrible things in my life, some of which actually happened.
I have never let my schooling interfere with my education.
I was gratified to be able to answer promptly. I said I don’t know.
The human race has one really effective weapon, and that is laughter.
Zeal and sincerity can carry a new religion further than any other missionary except fire and sword.
Thousands of geniuses live and die undiscovered – either by themselves or by others.
If you pick up a starving dog and make him prosperous, he will not bite you. This is the principal difference between a dog and a man.
The universal brotherhood of man is our most precious possession.
There are people who strictly deprive themselves of each and every eatable, drinkable, and smokable which has in any way acquired a shady reputation. They pay this price for health. And health is all they get for it. How strange it is. It is like paying out your whole fortune for a cow that has gone dry.
There is something fascinating about science. One gets such wholesale returns of conjecture out of such a trifling investment of fact.
Time cools, time clarifies; no mood can be maintained quite unaltered through the course of hours.
Thunder is good, thunder is impressive; but it is lightning that does the work.
Truth is more of a stranger than fiction.