Friendship Quotes – a large collection of famous and inspirational quotes

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Witty Quotes

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Some of my favorite witty quotes just here, for you.

His mouth is a no-go area. It’s like kissing the Berlin Wall – Helena Bonhem Carter on Woody Allen

There cannot be a crisis next week. My schedule is already full. – Henry Kissinger

He has a face like a Saint – A Saint Bernard. – Unknown

A fellow with the inventiveness of Albert Einstien, but with the attention span of Daffy Duck. – Tom Shale on Robin Williams

If I found her floating in my pool, I’d punish my dog. – Joan Rivers on Yoko Ono

God does not play dice with the universe. – Albert Einstien

She is as wholesome as a bowl of cornflakes and at least as sexy. – Dwight McDonald on Doris Day

If you can’t convince them, confuse them. – President Harry S Truman

Start every day off with a smile and get it over with. – W C Fields

He had the compassion of an icicle and the generosity of a pawnbroker. – S J Perelman on Groucho Marx

Avoid all needle drugs. The only dope worth shooting is Richard Nixon. – Abbey Hoffman

Who picks your clothes – Stevie Wonder? – Don Rickles

Breasts like Granite and a brain like Swiss Cheese – Billy Wilder on Marilyn Monroe

The thief of bad gags. – Walter Winchell on Milton Berne

I’ve noticed that everyone who is for abortion has already been born – Ronald Reagan

He’s proof that there’s life after death. – Mort Sahl on Ronald Reagan

Witty QuotesThe only genius with an IQ of 60. – Gore Vidal on Andy Warhol

He’s so ugly they ought to donate his face to the world wildlife fund. – Muhammad Ali on Joe Frazier

She’s so stupid she returns bowling balls because they’ve got holes in them. – Joan Rivers on Bo Derek

For every action there is an equal and opposite government program. – Bob Wells

Can’t act. Slightly bald. Can dance a little. – Screen Tester on Fred Astaire

An empty suit that goes to funerals and plays golf. – Ross Perot on Dan Quayle

Most of the time he sounds like he has a mouth full of toilet paper. – Rex Reed on Marlon Brando

He could start a row in an empty house – Sir Alex Ferguson on footballer Dennis Wise

When Kissinger can get the Nobel Peace Prize, what is there left for satire? – Tom Lehrer on Henry Kissinger

Shaw writes his plays for the ages, the ages between five and twelve. – George Nathan on George Bernard Shaw

He is to acting what Liberace was to pumping iron. – Rex Reed on Sylvester Stallone

What makes him think a middle aged actor, who’s played with a chimp, could have a future in politics? – Ronald Reagan commenting on Eastwood’s bid to become mayor of Carmel

Better a witty fool than a foolish wit. – Shakespeare

Cry Quotes

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– “A woman can laugh and cry in three seconds and it’s not weird. But if a man does it, it’s very disturbing. The way I’d describe it is like this: I have been allowed inside the house of womanhood, but I feel that they wouldn’t let me in any of the interesting rooms.” – Rob Schneider

– “All the powers in the universe are already ours. It is we who have put our hands before our eyes and cry that it is dark.” – Swami Vivekananda

– “Also there is a twist to the story as I’m being haunted and driven crazy, attacked and so on. All I seem to do is run and scream and cry in every scene.” – Bo Derek

– “Am I now supposed to go on Oprah and cry and tell you my deepest, darkest secrets because you want to know?” – Kevin Spacey

– “An onion can make people cry but there’s never been a vegetable that can make people laugh.” – Will Rogers

– “And I have to work so hard at talking positively to myself. If I don’t, it’s just real hard to get through the day, and I’ll get really down, and just want to cry. My whole body language changes. I get more slumped over.” – Delta Burke

– “And I remember going to the record studio and there was a park across the street and I’d see all the children playing and I would cry because it would make me sad that I would have to work instead.” – Michael Jackson

– “And there are certain things, and they are evident, obviously, without being boring about it, but I mean obviously, the two evident and easy ones being Gandhi and Cry Freedom, there are things which I do care about very much and which I would like to stand up and be counted.” – Richard Attenborough

– “Any beast can cry over the misfortunes of its own child. It takes a mensch to weep for others’ children.” – Sam Levenson

– “Anything where people have to work together makes me cry.” – Brenda Blethyn

– “At Christmas, It’s a Wonderful Life makes me cry in exactly the same places every time, even though I know it’s coming.” – Nicholas Lea

– “Because of you, I’m running out of reasons to cry.” – Shakira

– “Between 2 and 3 in the morning of the 19th inst. I was aroused by the cry that the enemy was upon us.” – Richard Francis Burton

– “Beware of men who cry. It’s true that men who cry are sensitive to and in touch with feelings, but the only feelings they tend to be sensitive to and in touch with are their own.” – Nora Ephron

– “Blues is a natural fact, is something that a fellow lives. If you don’t live it you don’t have it. Young people have forgotten to cry the blues. Now they talk and get lawyers and things.” – Big Bill Broonzy

– “Boast is always a cry of despair, except in the young it is a cry of hope.” – Bernard Berenson

– “But I loved the script to 7th Heaven and couldn’t say no. It made me laugh and cry, and I was hooked. I’d love to know who turned it down, because I’m sure at least one other actor did. But I’m glad he did, whoever it was.” – Stephen Collins