Tag: dolphins

Funny Sentences and Funny Quotes

Posted on October 27, 2011 by

How is it one careless match can start a forest fire, but it takes a whole box to start a campfire.

Dolphins are so smart that within a few weeks of captivity, they can train people to stand at the edge of a pool and throw fish.

Going to church doesn’t make you a Christian any more than standing in a garage makes you a car.

The last thing I want to do is hurt you. But it’s still on the list.

If I agreed with you we’d both be wrong.

We never really grow up, we only learn how to act in public.

I didn’t say it was your fault, I said I was blaming you.

Women will never be equal to men until they can walk down the street with a bald head and a beer gut and still think they’re sexy.

A clear conscience is usually the sign of a bad memory.

You don’t need a parachute to skydive, but you do need one to skydive again.

Knowledge is knowing a tomato is a fruit, wisdom is not putting it in a fruit salad.

The early bird might get the worm, but the second mouse gets the cheese.

Hospitality is making your guests feel like they’re at home, even if you wish they were.

I scream the same way whether I’m about to be eaten by a shark or seaweed touches my foot.

Some cause happiness wherever they go, others whenever they go.

Top 20 Dwight Schrute Quotes

Posted on August 20, 2011 by

When my mother was pregnant with me, they did an ultrasound and found she was having twins. When they did another ultrasound a few weeks later, they discovered that I had adsorbed the other fetus. Do I regret this? No, I believe his tissue has made me stronger. I now have the strength of a grown man and a little baby.

I am faster than 80% of all snakes.

I don’t care what Jim says, that is not Benjamin Franklin. I am 99% sure.

I don’t believe you, continue.

Reject a woman, and she will never let it go. One of the many defects of their kind. Also, weak arms.

When I die. I want to be frozen. And if they have to freeze me in pieces, so be it. I will wake up stronger than ever, because I will have used that time, to figure out exactly why I died. And what moves I could have used to defend myself better now that I know what hold he had me in.

The eyes are the groin of the head.

My feelings regenerate at twice the speed of a normal man

Before I do anything I ask myself “Would an idiot do that?” And if the answer is yes, I do not do that thing.

You know whats better than a triceratops. Only every other dinosaur that has ever existed.

Dolphins get a lot of good publicity for the drowning swimmers they push back to shore, but what you don’t hear about is the many people they push farther out to sea! Dolphins aren’t smart. They just like pushing things.

There are 40 rules all Schrute boys must learn by age 5. Rule #17- There are 3 things you never turn your back on- bears, men you have wronged, and a dominant male turkey during mating season.

I train my major blood vessels to retract into my body on command. Also, I can retract my penis up into itself.

Question…
Would I ever leave this company? Look, I’m all about loyalty. In fact, I feel like part of what I’m being paid for here is my loyalty. But if there were somewhere else that valued loyalty more highly, I’m going wherever they value loyalty the most.

How would I describe myself? Three words: hard working, alpha male, jackhammer…merciless…insatiable…

I am fast. To give you a reference point I am somewhere between a snake and a mongoose…and a panther.

The problem, Jim, is that people who are really suffering from a medical condition won’t receive the care they need because someone in this office is coming up with ridiculous stuff. Count Choculitis….Why did you write that down, Jim? Is it because you know I love Count Chocula?

I grew up on a farm. I have seen animals having sex in every position imaginable. Goat on chicken. Chicken on goat. Couple of chickens doing a goat, couple of pigs watching.

Security in this office park is a joke. Last year I came to work with my spud-gun in a duffel bag. I sat at my desk all day with a rifle that shoots potatoes at 60 pounds per square inch. Can you imagine if I was deranged?

John James Audubon Quotes

Posted on April 26, 2011 by

Today we celebrate 226 years since the birth of John James Audubon. Let me share with you some great John James Audubon Quotes.

One day I caught four Dolphins, how much I have gazed at these beautiful creatures… as they changed their hue in twenty varieties of richest arrangement of tints. – John James Audubon

On the 17th of May, the Delos put out to sea. I was immediately affected with sea-sickness, which, however, lasted but a short time. I remained on deck constantly, forcing myself to exercise.- John James Audubon

The worse my drawings were, the more beautiful did the originals appear. – John James Audubon

The mercantile business did not suit me.- John James Audubon

To have been torn from the study would have been as death; my time was entirely occupied with art.- John James Audubon

To be a good draftsman was to me a blessing.- John James Audubon

A true conservationist is a man who knows that the world is not given by his fathers, but borrowed from his children.- John James Audubon

Would it be possible that I should not in any degree succeed? I can scarcely think so. Ah delusive hope, how much further wilt thou lead me?- John James Audubon

Almost every day, instead of going to school, I made for the fields, where I spent my day.- John James Audubon

After all, I long to be in America again, nay, if I can go home to return no more to Europe, it seems to me that I shall ever enjoy more peace of mind, and even Physical comfort than I can meet with in any portion of the world beside.- John James Audubon

Because my father was often absent on naval duty, my mother suffered me to do much as I pleased.- John James Audubon

As I grew up I was fervently desirous of becoming acquainted with Nature.- John James Audubon

Duruing all these years there existed within me a tendency to follow Nature in her walks.- John James Audubon

But hopes are Shy Birds flying at a great distance seldom reached by the best of Guns.- John James Audubon

Hunting, fishing, drawing, and music occupied my every moment. Cares I knew not, and cared naught about them.- John James Audubon

How could I make a little book, when I have seen enough to make a dozen large books?- John James Audubon

I cannot help but think a curious event is this life of mine.- John James Audubon

I can scarcely manage to scribble a tolerable English letter. I know that I am not a scholar, but meantime I am aware that no man living knows better than I do the habits of our birds.- John James Audubon

I never for a day gave up listening to the songs of our birds, or watching their peculiar habits, or delineating them in the best way I could.- John James Audubon

I feel fully decided that we should all go to Europe together and to work as if an established Partnership for Life consisting of Husband Wife and Children.- John James Audubon

I wish I had eight pairs of hands, and another body to shoot the specimens.- John James Audubon

I waged war against my feelings.- John James Audubon

In my deepest troubles, I frequently would wrench myself from the persons around me and retire to some secluded part of our noble forests.- John James Audubon

If I can procure three hundred good substantial names of persons, or bodies, or institutions, I cannot fail to do well for my family, although I must abandon my life to its success, and undergo many sad perplexities and perhaps never see again my own beloved America.- John James Audubon

My drawings at first were made altogether in watercolors, but they wanted softness and a great deal of finish.- John James Audubon

Mathematics was hard, dull work. Geography pleased me more. For dancing I was quite enthusiastic.- John James Audubon

On landing at New York I caught the yellow fever. The kind man who commanded the ship that brought me from France took charge of me and placed me under the care of two Quaker ladies. To their skillful and untiring care I may safely say I owe my life.- John James Audubon