Friendship Quotes – a large collection of famous and inspirational quotes

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Tag: virginity

Funny Proverbs and Sayings

Patience will come to those who wait for it.

Man who lives in glass house shouldn’t run naked.

Wife who puts husband in doghouse soon will find him in cathouse.

The believer is happy. The doubter is wise.

Practice makes perfect, but nobody’s perfect, so why practice?

War does not determine who is right, war determine who is left.

It is never too late to be what you might have been.

You cannot get to the top by sitting on your bottom.

Virginity like bubble, one prick all gone.

If at first you don’t succeed, get new batteries.

If you think education is expensive, try ignorance.

A peacock who sits on his tail is just another turkey.

A verbal contract isn’t worth the paper it’s written on.

A bird in the hand is safer than one overhead.

You never test the depth of a river with both feet.

An ideal mind is the best way to relax.

Life is like a sewer… what you get out of it depends on what you put into it.

Parents can tell but never teach, unless they practice what they preach.

Two’s a company, three’s the Musketeers.

Wise men don’t need advice. Fools won’t take it.

The greatest mistake you can make in life is to be continually fearing you will make one.

It matters not what you do, as long as you are the best one doing it.

Never underestimate the power of termites.

Learn from the mistakes of others. You can’t live long enough to make them all yourself.

Many complain of their looks, but none of their brains.

Man who sneezes without hanky takes matters into his own hands.

The trouble with being punctual is that nobody’s there to appreciate it.

Laugh and the world laughs with you, cry and you must blow your own nose.

A penny saved is not much

Don’t bite the hand that looks dirty.

A miss is as good as a Mister.

Best Comedian Quotes

– “I went into a McDonald’s yesterday and said, «I’d like some fries.» The girl at the counter said, «Would you like some fries with that?»” – Jay Leno)

– “My husband said he needed more space. So I locked him outside.” – Roseanne

– “Don’t knock masturbation, it’s sex with someone I love.” – Woody Allen

– “It’s not that I’m afraid to die, I just don’t want to be there when it happens.” – Woody Allen

– “I believe that sex is a beautiful thing between two people. Between five, it’s fantastic.” – Woody Allen

– “I have as much authority as the Pope. I just don’t have as many people who believe it.” – George Carlin

– “Have you ever noticed, in traffic, anybody going slower than you is an idiot, and anyone going faster than you is a maniac!” – George Carlin

– “You know you must be doing something right if old people like you.” – Dave Chappelle

– “I think every group of black guys should have at least one white guy in it.” – Dave Chappelle

– “A word to the wise ain’t necessary – it’s the stupid ones that need the advice.” – Bill Cosby

– “To be good, you need to believe in what you’re doing.” – Billy Crystal

– “I busted a mirror and got seven years bad luck. But my lawyer thinks he can get me five.” – Steven Wright

– “Having a male gynecologist is like going to an auto mechanic who doesn’t own a car.” – Carrie Snow

– “I like my coffee like I like my women. In a plastic cup.” – Eddie Izzard

– “If it weren’t for electricity we’d all be watching television by candlelight.” – George Gobel

– “Fighting for peace is like screwing for virginity.” – George Carlin

– “Where lipstick is concerned, the important thing is not color, but to accept God’s final word on where your lips end.” – Jerry Seinfeld

– “You know the world is going crazy when the best rapper is a white guy, the best golfer is a black guy,the tallest guy in the NBA is Chinese, the Swiss hold the America’s Cup, France is accusing the U.S. of arrogance, Germany doesn’t want to go to war, and the three most powerful men in America are named Bush, Dick, and Colon.” – Chris Rock