Friendship Quotes – a large collection of famous and inspirational quotes

Menu

Tag: better than sex

Funny Humorous and Love Quotes

Love is a fire. But whether it is going to warm your heart or burn down your house, you can never tell. – Joan Crawford

It’s been so long since I made love, I can’t even remember who gets tied up. – Joan Rivers

Trust your husband, adore your husband, and get as much as you can in your own name. – Joan Rivers

You have to walk carefully in the beginning of love; the running across fields into your lover’s arms can only come later when you’re sure they won’t laugh if you trip. – Jonathan Carroll

No matter how love-sick a woman is, she shouldn’t take the first pill that comes along. – Joyce Brothers

If you want to sacrifice the admiration of many men for the criticism of one, go ahead, get married. – Katharine Hepburn

True love is like seeing ghosts; we all talk about it, but few of us have ever seen one. – La Rochefoucauld

If love is the answer, could you rephrase the question. – Lily Tomlin

The only people who make love all the time are liars. – Louis Jordan

The only time a woman really succeeds in changing a man is when he’s a baby. – Natalie Wood

Nothing spoils romance so much as a sense of humour in the woman. – Oscar Wilde

Love is a grave mental disease. – Plato

Whenever I date a guy, I think, is this the man that I want my children to spend their weekends with? – Rita Rudner

Forget love, I’d rather fall in chocolate. – Sandra J. Dykes

All marriages are happy. It’s trying to live together afterwards that causes all the problems. – Shelley Winters

I believe that sex is one of the most beautiful, natural, wholesome things that money can buy. – Steve Martin

A love without indiscretion is no lover at all. – Thomas Hardy

Marriage is a great institution for those who like institutions. – Tommy Dewar

Love is only a dirty trick played on us to achieve continuation of the species. – W. Somerset Maugham

I love Mickey Mouse more than any woman I have ever known. – Walt Disney

Love is the answer, but while you’re waiting for the answer, sex raises some pretty good questions. – Woody Allen

The last time I was inside a woman was when I went to the Statue of Liberty. – Woody Allen

Sex without love is an empty experience, but as empty experiences go, it’s one of the best. – Woody Allen

Funny Love Quotes

Shopping is better than sex. At least if you’re not satisfied, you can exchange it for something you really like. – Adrienne Gusoff

An archeologist is the best husband any woman can have; the older she gets, the more interested he is in her. – Agatha Christie

Women marry men hoping they will change.
Men marry women hoping they will not.
So each is inevitably disappointed. – Albert Einstein

Put your hand on a hot stove for a minute, and it seems like an hour. Sit with a pretty girl for an hour, and it seems like a minute. That’s relativity. – Albert Einstein

Men make the highs higher and the lows more frequent. – Anonymous

You know it’s love when you want to keep holding hands even after you’re sweaty. – Anonymous

The four most important words in any marriage…”I’ll do the dishes.” – Anonymous

No man is truly married until he understands every word his wife is NOT saying. – Anonymous

Marriage is like jogging through a puddle of industrial strength rubber glue. You can work hard and make it through the struggles; however, you usually leave your bobby socks and sneakers behind along the way. – Anonymous

When a relationship goes flat, so does a couple of sets of car tires. – Anonymous

Men only have two faults….What they do, and what they say! – Anonymous

You can’t buy love on eBay. – Anonymous

If sex is such a natural phenomenon, how come there are so many books on how to do it? – Bette Midler

A man is already halfway in love with any woman who listens to him. – Brendan Francis

Love is an electric blanket with somebody else in control of the switch. – Cathy Carlyle

Marriage is a romance in which the heroine dies in the first chapter. – Cecilia Egan

The trouble with some women is that they get all excited about nothing — and then marry him. – Cher

Men aren’t necessities, they’re luxuries. – Cher

By the time you swear you’re his,
Shivering and sighing,
And he vows his passion is infinite, undying –
Lady, make note of this: One of you is lying. – Dorothy Parker

I’m always looking for meaningful one night stands. – Dudley Moore

Marriage has no guarantees. If that’s what you’re looking for, go live with a car battery. – Erma Bombeck

Romantic love is mental illness. But it’s a pleasurable one. It’s a drug. It distorts reality, and that’s the point of it. It would be impossible to fall in love with someone that you really saw. – Fran Lebowitz

It is impossible to love and be wise. – Francis Bacon

Marriage marks the end of many short follies – being one long stupidity. – Friedrich Nietzsche

Love is a mutual self-giving which ends in self-recovery. – Fulton J. Sheen

Men are from Earth. Women are from Earth. Deal with it. – George Carlin

Remember, beneath every cynic there lies a romantic, and probably an injured one. – Glenn Beck

I was married by a judge. I should have asked for a jury. – Groucho Marx

To be happy with a man you must understand him a lot and love him a little. To be happy with a woman you must love her a lot and not try to understand her at all. – Helen Rowland

Nobody will ever win the battle of the sexes. There’s too much fraternizing with the enemy. – Henry Kissinger

When we got married I told my wife “If you leave me, I’m going with you.” And she never did. – James Fineous McBride

Marrying a man is like buying something you’ve been admiring for a long time in a shop window. You may love it when you get it home, but it doesn’t always go with everything else in the house. – Jean Kerr

Family Guy Funny Quotes

FamilyGuyStewie Griffin: What’s this? Blueberries? Oh, oh my G…oh, that’s better than sex!
Stewie Griffin: Do these huggies make my ass look big?
Peter Griffin: I’ve got an idea – an idea so smart that my head would explode if I even began to know what I’m talking about.
Peter Griffin: Excuse me, is your refrigerator running? Because if it is, it probably runs like you – very homosexually.

Stewie Griffin: You. Fetch me my copy of the Wall Street Journal. You two, fight to the death.

Lois Griffin: Stewie why don’t you play in the other room?
Stewie Griffin: Why don’t you burn in hell?

Peter Griffin: Now kids daddy only drank so that the Statue of Liberty would take her clothes off.

Peter Griffin: I’ve had a good life. And you can always be proud of your father and all of his accomplishments.
Meg Griffin: What accomplishments?
Peter Griffin: Go to your room.

Chris Griffin: Dad, can you help me with my math homework?
Peter Griffin: Math. Math my dear boy is nothing more than the lesbian sister of biology.