Tag: Dolly Parton

Funny Love Quotes

Posted on March 30, 2011 by

Let’s make our day better with some wonderful funny love quotes.

“A light heart lives long.” – William Shakespeare

“Never go to bed mad — stay up and fight.” – Phyllis Diller

“To be in love is merely to be in a state of perceptual anesthesia.” – H.L. Mencken

“Once you have loved someone, you’d do anything in the world for them… except love them again.” – Anonymous

“Love is like war: Easy to begin but hard to end.” – Anonymous

“Love has the power of making you believe what you would normally treat with the deepest suspicion.” – Mirabeau

“Three things can’t be hidden: coughing, poverty, and love.” – Yiddish proverb

“The most wasted day is that in which we have not laughed.” – Chamfort

“I detest ‘love lyrics.’ I think one of the causes of bad mental health in the United States is that people have been raised on ‘love lyrics.” – Frank Zappa

“You’d be surprised how much it costs to look this cheap.” – Dolly Parton

“I should like to see any kind of a man, distinguishable from a gorilla, that some good and even pretty woman could not shape a husband out of.” – Oliver Wendell Holmes, Sr.

“A woman might as well propose: her husband will claim she did.” – Edgar Watson Howe

“I feel like Zsa Zsa Gabor’s eighth husband on her wedding night: I know what I’m supposed to do…I just have to figure out a way to make it interesting.” – many attributions

“No man is truly married until he understands every word his wife is NOT saying.” – unknown

“An old man who marries a young wife grows younger – but she grows older.” – folk saying

“It is not uncommon for slight acquaintances to get married, but a couple really have to know each other to get divorced.” – Anonymous

“What female heart can despise gold?” – Thomas Gray

“A lady of 47 who has been married 27 years and has six children knows what love really is and once described it for me like this: ‘Love is what you’ve been through with somebody.'” – James Thurber

“I love being married. It’s so great to find one special person you want to annoy for the rest of your life.” – Rita Rudner

“We cannot really love anybody without whom we never laugh.” – Alice Reppler

Short Funny Quotes

Posted on November 22, 2010 by

“When I die, I want to go peacefully like my Grandfather did, in his sleep — not screaming, like the passengers in his car” – Anonymous

“I hope life isn’t a joke, because I don’t get it.” – Anonymous

“You’re not drunk if you can lie on the floor without holding on.” – Dean Martin

“When I read about the evils of drinking, I gave up reading.” – Anonymous

“I’m not offended by all the dumb-blonde jokes because I know that I’m not dumb. I also know I’m not blonde.” – Dolly Parton

“Always go to other people’s funerals, otherwise they won’t come to yours.” – Yogi Berra

“I’m in no condition to drive…wait! I shouldn’t listen to myself, I’m drunk!” – Homer Simpson

“If at first you do not succeed, then skydiving is surely not meant for you.” – Anonymous

“A word to the wise ain’t necessary – it’s the stupid ones that need the advice.” – Bill Cosby

“Girls want a lot of things from one guy. Conversely, guys want one thing from a lot of girls.” – Anonymous

“Men don’t care what’s on TV. They only care what else is on TV.” – Jerry Seinfeld

“Health is merely the slowest possible rate at which one can die.” – Anonymous

“Aim for the stars. But first, aim for their bodyguards.” – Anonymous

“I’ve never been married, but I tell people I’m divorced so they won’t think something is wrong with me.” – Elayne Boosler

“To cease smoking is the easiest thing. I ought to know. I’ve done it a thousand times.” – Mark Twain

“My formula for success is rise early, work late, and strike oil.” – Paul Getty

“If at first you don’t succeed, order pizza.” – Anonymous

“Hard work never hurt anyone, but why take the chance.” – Anonymous

“Once you can accept the universe as matter expanding into nothing that is something, wearing stripes with plaid comes easy.” – Albert Einstein

“I just broke up with someone and the last thing she said to me was “You’ll never find anyone like me again!” I’m thinking, “I should hope not! If I don’t want you, why would I want someone like you.”” – Anonymous

“Dogs have Owners, Cats have Staff.” – Anonymous

“Change is inevitable, except from a vending machine.” – Anonymous

“Behind every successful man is a woman, behind her is his wife.”- Anonymous

“Just because nobody complains doesn’t mean all parachutes are perfect.” – Benny Hill

“I always wanted to be somebody, but now I realize I should have been more specific.” – Lily Tomlin

If you… #2

Posted on September 18, 2010September 17, 2010 by

– “If you can’t dance, don’t blame the dance floor.”

– “If you can’t laugh at yourself, you may be missing the joke of the century.”

– “If you can’t say something nice, become a reporter.”

– “If you can’t sleep, don’t count sheep. Talk to the Shepherd.”

– “If you can’t sleep, then get up and do something instead of lying there worrying. It’s the worry that gets you, not the lack of sleep.” – Dale Carnegie

– “If you could kick the person responsible for most of your troubles in the backside, you wouldn’t be able to sit down for two weeks.”

– “If you decide not to choose then you’ve already made the wrong choice!”

– “If you depend on others to make you happy, you will be endlessly disappointed.”

– “If you don’t do it, you’ll never know what would have happened if you had done it.” – Ashleigh Brilliant

– “If you don’t have time to do it right, you must have time to do it over.”

– “If you don’t know where you are going, every road will get you nowhere.” – Henry Kissinger

– “If you don’t know where you’re going how do you expect to get there.”

– “If you don’t like something about yourself, change it. If you can’t change it, accept it.” – Ted Shackelford

– “If you don’t like the road you’re walking, pave another one.” – Dolly Parton

– “If you don’t like the way you were born, try being born again.”

– “If you don’t love, you can’t live; if you don’t live, you can’t love.” – Jason Benson

– “If you don’t stand for something, you’ll fall for anything.”

– “If you don’t want your children to hear what you’re saying, pretend you’re speaking directly to them.”

– “If you do your best, don’t mind the rest.” – Irish Proverb

– “If you drop a white glove into the mud, the glove will get muddy but the mud will never get glovey.”

– “If you ever need a helping hand, there is one at the end of your arm.”

– “If you fail to prepare, you prepare to fail.”

– “If you find a four-leaf clover, it means you have entirely too much time on your hands.”

– “If you follow in others footsteps you will never leave yours behind.”

– “If you gave me something I need more than you do, you’ve given me a gift; If you’ve given me something you need more than I do, you’ve gifted me with love.”

– “If you get to thinkin’ you’re a person of some influence, try orderin’ somebody else’s dog around.”

– “If you give 100%, God will make up the difference!”

– “If you go out looking for friends, you’re going to find they are very scarce. If you go out to be a friend, you’ll find them everywhere.” – Zig Zigler

– “If you have an apple and I have an apple and we exchange these apples then you and I will still each have one apple.”

– “But if you have an idea and I have an idea and we exchange these ideas, then each of us will have two ideas.” – George Bernard Shaw (1856-1950)

– “If you have food in the refrigerator, clothes on your back, a roof overhead, and a place to sleep…you are richer than 75% of this world.”

– “If you have money in the bank, in your wallet, and spare change in a dish someplace…you are among the top 8% of the world’s wealthy.”

– “If you have much, give of your wealth; if you have little, give of your heart.” – Arab proverb

– “If you have never been hated by your child, you have never been a parent.” – Bette Davis

– “If you haven’t all the things that you want, be thankful for all the things that you don’t have that you didn’t want.”

– “If you haven’t much education you must use your brain.”

Hair Quotes

Posted on October 2, 2009 by

– “The hair is the richest ornament of women.” – Martin Luther

– “Hair brings one’s self-image into focus; it is vanity’s proving ground. Hair is terribly personal, a tangle of mysterious prejudices.” – Shana Alexander

– “Life is an endless struggle full of frustrations and challenges, but eventually you find a hair stylist you like.” – Unknown

– “It seems no more than right that men should seize time by the forelock, for the rude old fellow, sooner or later, pulls all their hair out.” – George Dennison Prentice, Prenticeana, 1860

– “What’s the matter with you guys? The sight of blonde hair knocks you three rungs down on the evolutionary ladder.” – From the television show Civil Wars

– “The great ages of prose are the ages in which men shave. The great ages of poetry are those in which they allow their beards to grow.” – Robert Lynd

– “Forget not that the earth delights to feel your bare feet and the winds long to play with your hair.” – Kahlil Gibran

– “I’m not offended by all the dumb-blonde jokes because I know that I’m not dumb. I also know I’m not blonde.” – Dolly Parton

– “It was a blonde. A blonde to make a bishop kick a hole in a stained-glass window.” – Raymond Chandler

– “Hair style is the final tip-off whether or not a woman really knows herself.” – Hubert de Givenchy, Vogue, July 1985

– “Babies haven’t any hair:
Old men’s heads are just as bare;
From the cradle to the grave
Lies a haircut and a shave.” – Samuel Goodman Hoffenstein

– “Inflation is when you pay fifteen dollars for the ten-dollar haircut you used to get for five dollars when you had hair.” – Sam Ewing

– “Women…. Who made ’em? God must have been a… genius. Their hair. They say that the hair is everything, you know? Have you ever buried your nose in a mountain of curls, and just wanted to go to sleep forever?” – Bo Goldman, “The Start of an Education”, made popular by the movie Scent of a Woman

– “When red headed people are above a certain social grade their hair is auburn.” – Mark Twain, A Connecticut Yankee in King Arthur’s Court

– “Those curious locks so aptly twin’d,
Whose every hair a soul doth bind.” – Thomas Carew

– “If truth is beauty, how come no one has their hair done in a library?” – Lily Tomlin

– “Long, beautiful, gleaming, steaming, flaxen, waxen… I adore hair!” – James Rado and Gerome Ragni, Hair

– “Violet will be a good color for hair at just about the same time that brunette becomes a good color for flowers.” – Fran Lebowitz

– “Beauty draws us with a single hair.” – Alexander Pope

– “Gentlemen prefer blondes… but gentlemen marry brunettes.” – Anita Loos