Tag: o rourke

Funny Quotes

Posted on May 11, 2011 by

A child of five would understand this. Send someone to fetch a child of five. – Groucho Marx

A friend doesn’t go on a diet because you are fat. – Erma Bombeck

A James Cagney love scene is one where he lets the other guy live. – Bob Hope

A lot of baby boomers are baby bongers. – Kevin Nealon

A nickel ain’t worth a dime anymore. – Yogi Berra

A stockbroker urged me to buy a stock that would triple its value every year. I told him, “At my age, I don’t even buy green bananas.” – Claude Pepper

A successful man is one who makes more money than his wife can spend. A successful woman is one who can find such a man. – Lana Turner

A two-year-old is kind of like having a blender, but you don’t have a top for it. – Jerry Seinfeld

A word to the wise ain’t necessary – it’s the stupid ones that need the advice. – Bill Cosby

All men are equal before fish. – Herbert Hoover

All right everyone, line up alphabetically according to your height. – Casey Stengel

Always end the name of your child with a vowel, so that when you yell the name will carry. – Bill Cosby

Any girl can be glamorous. All you have to do is stand still and look stupid. – Hedy Lamarr

Anyone who says he can see through women is missing a lot. – Groucho Marx

As a child my family’s menu consisted of two choices: take it or leave it. – Buddy Hackett

As I get older, I just prefer to knit. – Tracey Ullman

Be obscure clearly. – E. B. White

Because of their size, parents may be difficult to discipline properly. – P. J. O’Rourke

Behind every great man is a woman rolling her eyes. – Jim Carrey

Famous Quotes

Posted on March 3, 2011 by

– “I have no use for people who throw their weight around as celebrities, or for those who fawn over you just because you are famous.” – Walt Disney

– “In the future everyone will be famous for 15 minutes.” – Andy Warhol

– “My idea of a good picture is one that’s in focus and of a famous person.” – Andy Warhol

– “I’m bored with that line. I never use it anymore. My new line is «In 15 minutes everybody will be famous.»” – Andy Warhol

– “I didn’t know what to expect from a famous movie star; maybe that he’d be sort of stuck-up, you know. But not Gary Cooper. He horsed around so much… that I had a hard time painting him.” – Norman Rockwell

– “Did you ever stop to think why cops are always famous for being dumb? Simple. Because they don’t have to be anything else.” – Orson Welles

– “Public misbehavior by the famous is a powerful teaching tool.” – Bill O’Reilly

– “What a heavy burden is a name that has become too famous.” – Voltaire

– “The first pork-barrel bill that crosses my desk, I’m going to veto it and make the authors of those pork-barrel items famous all over America.” – John McCain

– “Know the names of past and current artists who are most famous for playing their instruments.” – Marilyn vos Savant

– “A very quiet and tasteful way to be famous is to have a famous relative. Then you can not only be nothing, you can do nothing too.” – P. J. O’Rourke

– “When I started out, I didn’t have any desire to be an actress or to learn how to act. I just wanted to be famous.” – Katharine Hepburn

– “I just think Rosa Parks was overrated. Last time I checked, she got famous for breaking the law.” – Stephen Colbert

– “When I was going for my graduate degree, I decided I was going to make a feature film as my thesis. That’s what I was famous for-that I had my thesis film be a feature film, which was You’re a Big Boy Now.” – Francis Ford Coppola

– “We all want to be famous people, and the moment we want to be something we are no longer free.” – Jiddu Krishnamurti

– “Martyrdom: The only way a man can become famous without ability.” – George Bernard Shaw

– “People hate me because I am a multifaceted, talented, wealthy, internationally famous genius.” – Jerry Lewis

– “Any idiot can get laid when they’re famous. That’s easy. It’s getting laid when you’re not famous that takes some talent.” – Kevin Bacon

– “Nothing in life prepares you to be famous.” – Jeff Foxworthy

Drugs Quotes

Posted on May 7, 2010 by

– “They say drugs aren’t the answer, but really, what is the question?” – Janet Fitch

– “I don’t do drugs. I am drugs.” – Salvador Dali

– “All drugs of any interest to any moderately intelligent person in America are now illegal.” – Thomas Szasz

– “Don’t do drugs because if you do drugs you’ll go to prison, and drugs are really expensive in prison.” – John Hardwick

– “Drugs have taught an entire generation of American kids the metric system.” – P.J. O’Rourke

– “If God dropped acid, would he see people?” – Steven Wright

– “I tried sniffing Coke once, but the ice cubes got stuck in my nose.” – Unknown

– “Avoid all needle drugs – the only dope worth shooting is Richard Nixon.” – Abbie Hoffman

– “Reality is a crutch for people who can’t cope with drugs.” – Lily Tomlin

– “Drugs may be the road to nowhere, but at least they’re the scenic route.” – Unknown

Funny Quotes

Posted on March 11, 2010 by

– “My Father had a profound influence on me, he was a lunatic.” – Spike Milligan

– “My father would take me to the playground, and put me on mood swings.” – Jay London

– “My grandmother started walking five miles a day when she was sixty. She’s ninety-seven now, and we don’t know where the hell she is.” – Ellen DeGeneres

– “My inner child is not wounded.” – Shannen Doherty

– “My theory is that all of Scottish cuisine is based on a dare.” – Mike Myers

– “Never fight an inanimate object.” – P. J. O’Rourke

– “Never floss with a stranger.” – Joan Rivers

– “Never have more children than you have car windows.” – Erma Bombeck

– “Never raise your hand to your children – it leaves your midsection unprotected.” – Robert Orben

– “Never wear anything that panics the cat.” – P. J. O’Rourke

– “Nobody ever went broke underestimating the taste of the American public.” – H. L. Mencken

– “O Lord, help me to be pure, but not yet.” – Saint Augustine

– “Oh, the tiger will love you. There is no sincerer love than the love of food.” – George Bernard Shaw

– “Older people shouldn’t eat health food, they need all the preservatives they can get.” – Robert Orben

– “One man’s folly is another man’s wife.” – Helen Rowland

– “Originality is the fine art of remembering what you hear but forgetting where you heard it.” – Laurence J. Peter

– “Our national flower is the concrete cloverleaf.” – Lewis Mumford

– “Parents are the last people on earth who ought to have children.” – Samuel Butler

– “Parrots make great pets. They have more personality than goldfish.” – Chevy Chase

– “People always ask me, ‘Were you funny as a child?’ Well, no, I was an accountant.” – Ellen DeGeneres