Tag: sarcastic quotes

Mark Twain Sarcastic Quotes

Posted on February 5, 2011 by

“We have the best government that money can buy.”

“Patriot: the person who can holler the loudest without knowing what he is hollering about.”

“Never put off till tomorrow what you can do the day after tomorrow.”

“I never let schooling interfere with my education.”

“I have been complimented many times and they always embarrass me; I always feel that they have not said enough.”

“Get your facts first, then you can distort them as you please.”

“Facts are stubborn, but statistics are more pliable.”

“Better to remain silent and be thought a fool than to speak out and remove all doubt.”

Sarcastic Inspirational Quotes About Life

Posted on September 10, 2010September 9, 2010 by

“What you have become is the price you paid to get what you used to want.” – Mignon McLaughlin

“People that pay for things never complain. It’s the guy you give something to that you can’t please. ” – Will Rogers

“A half truth is a whole lie.”- Yiddish Proverb

“Nobody really cares if you’re miserable, so you might as well be happy.” – Cynthia Nelms

“Opportunities are like sunsets. If you wait too long, you miss them.” – William Arthur Ward

“What are the proper proportions of a maxim? A minimum of sound to a maximum of sense.”- Mark Twain

“An optimist thinks that this is the best possible world. A pessimist fears that this is true.”- Robert Oppenheimer

“The more that learn to read, the less learn how to make a living. That’s one thing about a little education. It spoils you for actual work. The more you know the more you think somebody owes you a living.” – Will Rogers

Sarcastic Sayings About Love – Murphy’s Laws

Posted on September 10, 2010September 9, 2010 by

“All the good ones are taken.”

“If the person isn’t taken, there’s a reason.”

“Brains x Beauty x Availability = Constant.
This constant is always zero.” – Van Den Bossche Jochen

“Money can’t buy love, but it sure gets you a great bargaining position.”

“The best things in the world are free – and worth every penny of it.”

“The more beautiful the woman is who loves you, the easier it is to leave her with no hard feelings.”

“Virginity can be cured.”

“Love your neighbor, but don’t get caught.”

“Love is the triumph of imagination over intelligence.”

“A man in love is incomplete until he has married. Then he’s finished.” – Zsa Zsa Gabor

“Romance has been elegantly defined as the offspring of fiction and love.” – Benjamin Disraeli

Funny Sarcastic Sayings About Life

Posted on September 10, 2010September 9, 2010 by

“What we feel and think and is to a great extent determined by the state of our ductless glands and viscera ” – Aldous Huxley

“Often it does seem a pity that Noah and his party did not miss the boat.” – Mark Twain

“Reality is just a crutch for people who can’t cope with drugs.” – Robin Williams

“God gave men both a penis and a brain, but unfortunately not enough blood supply to run both at the same time.” – Robin Williams

“Politics: ‘Poli’ a Latin word meaning ‘many’; and ‘tics’ meaning ‘bloodsucking creatures’.” – Robin Williams

“People say satire is dead. It’s not dead; it’s alive and living in the White House.” – Robin Williams

“Ah, yes, divorce … from the Latin word meaning to rip out a man’s genitals through his wallet.” – Robin Williams

“He was happily married – but his wife wasn’t. ” – Victor Borge

Murphy’s Laws

Posted on September 10, 2010September 9, 2010 by

“If anything can go wrong, it will.”

“Smile . . . tomorrow will be worse.”

“Enough research will tend to support whatever theory.”

“Left to themselves, things tend to go from bad to worse.”

“If everything seems to be going well, you have obviously overlooked something.”

“You will always find something in the last place you look.”