If you’re one in a million, there are six thousand people exactly like you.
Don’t be humble. You’re not that great.
I feel so miserable without you, it’s almost like having you here.
He was happily married – but his wife wasn’t.
He has no enemies, but is intensely disliked by his friends.
If you’re too open-minded, your brains will fall out.
I find television very educating. Every time somebody turns on the set, I go into the other room and read a book.
Sarcasm I now see to be, in general, the language of the devil.
Someone who thinks logically, provides a nice contrast to the real world.
You were looking good from afar.. now you’re far from looking good.
I like you. People say I’ve got no taste, but I like you.
Nothing is more discouraging than unappreciated sarcasm.
Experience is a wonderful thing. It enables you to recognize a mistake when you make it again.
Sometimes I need what only you can provide: your absence.
We are responsible for what we do unless we are celebrities.
The grass may be greener on the other side but at least you don’t have to mow it.
There’s too much blood in my caffeine system.
Going to church doesn’t make you a Christian, any more than standing in a garage makes you a car.
Sarcasm helps keep you from telling people what you really think of them.
A computer once beat me at chess, but it was no match for me at kick boxing.
A person who aims at nothing is sure to hit it.
I’m impressed, I’ve never met such a small mind inside such a big head before.
If you look like your passport picture, you probably need the trip.
Violence won’t solve anything….But it sure makes me feel good.
Sarcasm is the body’s natural defense against stupidity.
Think I am sarcastic?
Watch me pretend to care!
That is the ugliest top Ive ever seen, yet it compliments your face perfectly.
I don’t believe in plastic surgery,
But in your case,
Go ahead.
My loyalty cannot be brought, however, it can be rented.
I never forget a face, but in your case I’ll be glad to make an exception.
I’m not crazy! The voices tell me I am entirely sane.
Anyway, no drug, not even alcohol, causes the fundamental ills of society. If we’re looking for the source of our troubles, we shouldn’t test people for drugs, we should test them for stupidity, ignorance, greed and love of power. – P.J. O’Rourke
If you end up with a boring, miserable life because you listened to your mom, your dad, your teacher, your priest, or some guy on television telling you how to do your shit, then you deserve it. – Frank Zappa
There is nothing noble in being superior to your fellow man; true nobility is being superior to your former self. – Ernest Hemingway
