Friendship Quotes – a large collection of famous and inspirational quotes

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Sarcastic Quotes

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If you’re one in a million, there are six thousand people exactly like you.

Don’t be humble. You’re not that great.

I feel so miserable without you, it’s almost like having you here.

He was happily married – but his wife wasn’t.

He has no enemies, but is intensely disliked by his friends.

If you’re too open-minded, your brains will fall out.

I find television very educating. Every time somebody turns on the set, I go into the other room and read a book.

Sarcasm I now see to be, in general, the language of the devil.

Someone who thinks logically, provides a nice contrast to the real world.

You were looking good from afar.. now you’re far from looking good.

I like you. People say I’ve got no taste, but I like you.

Nothing is more discouraging than unappreciated sarcasm.

Experience is a wonderful thing. It enables you to recognize a mistake when you make it again.

Sometimes I need what only you can provide: your absence.

We are responsible for what we do unless we are celebrities.

The grass may be greener on the other side but at least you don’t have to mow it.

There’s too much blood in my caffeine system.

Going to church doesn’t make you a Christian, any more than standing in a garage makes you a car.

Sarcasm helps keep you from telling people what you really think of them.

A computer once beat me at chess, but it was no match for me at kick boxing.

A person who aims at nothing is sure to hit it.

I’m impressed, I’ve never met such a small mind inside such a big head before.

If you look like your passport picture, you probably need the trip.

Violence won’t solve anything….But it sure makes me feel good.

Sarcasm is the body’s natural defense against stupidity.

Think I am sarcastic?
Watch me pretend to care!

That is the ugliest top Ive ever seen, yet it compliments your face perfectly.

I don’t believe in plastic surgery,
But in your case,
Go ahead.

My loyalty cannot be brought, however, it can be rented.

I never forget a face, but in your case I’ll be glad to make an exception.

I’m not crazy! The voices tell me I am entirely sane.

Oscar Wilde and Mark Twain Hilarious Quotes

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I love hilarious quotes, especially from great people, like Mark Twain and Oscar Wilde. Let me share with you some of them:

“A man’s face is his autobiography. A woman’s face is her work of fiction.” – Oscar Wilde

“Women are meant to be loved, not to be understood.” – Oscar Wilde

“Journalism is unreadable, literature is never read.” – Oscar Wilde

“Some cause happiness wherever they go; others whenever they go.” –Oscar Wilde

“A true friend stabs you in the front.”-Oscar Wilde

“It is very easy to endure the difficulties of one’s enemies. It is the successes of one’s friends that are hard to bear.” – Oscar Wilde

“Women are never disarmed by compliments. Men always are. That is the difference between the sexes.” – Oscar Wilde

“The only way to get rid of a temptation is to yield to it.” – Oscar Wilde

“I couldn’t help it. I can resist everything except temptation.” – Oscar Wilde

“Conscience and cowardice are really the same things.” – Oscar Wilde

“A cynic is a man who knows the price of everything and the value of nothing.” –Oscar Wilde

“The only thing to do with good advice is to pass it on. It is never of any use to oneself.” –Oscar Wilde

“There are only two tragedies in life: one is not getting what one wants, and the other is getting it.” – Oscar Wilde

“Fashion is a form of ugliness so intolerable that we have to alter it every six months.” – Oscar Wilde

“One should never trust a woman who tells her real age. If she tells that, she’ll tell anything.” – Oscar Wilde

“No woman should ever be quite accurate about her age. It looks so calculating.” – Oscar Wilde

“Experience is the name everyone gives to their mistakes.” – Oscar Wilde

“If you tell the truth you don’t have to remember anything.” – Mark Twain

“When angry count four; when very angry, swear.” – Mark Twain

“Always do right – this will gratify some and astonish the rest.” – Mark Twain

“A lie can travel half way around the world while the truth is just putting on its shoes.” – Mark Twain

“Sometimes I wonder whether the world is being run by smart people who are putting us on or by imbeciles who really mean it.” – Mark Twain

“Don’t go around saying the world owes you a living. The world owes you nothing. It was here first.” –Mark Twain

“In the first place God made idiots; that was for practice; then he made school boards.” – Mark Twain

“Age is an issue of mind over matter. If you don’t mind, it doesn’t matter.” –Mark Twain

“Honesty is the best policy — when there is money in it.” – Mark Twain

“Reader, suppose you were an idiot. And suppose you were a member of Congress. But I repeat myself.” – Mark Twain

“It is better to be thought a fool than to open your mouth and remove all doubt.” – Mark Twain

Mark Twain Quotes

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Get your facts first, and then you can distort them as much as you please.

Better a broken promise than none at all.

It usually takes more than three weeks to prepare a good impromptu speech.

Good friends, good books and a sleepy conscience: this is the ideal life.

It is easier to stay out than get out.

Go to Heaven for the climate, Hell for the company.

Never put off until tomorrow what you can do the day after tomorrow.

Be careful about reading health books. You may die of a misprint.

Loyalty to petrified opinion never yet broke a chain or freed a human soul.

A man who carries a cat by the tail learns something he can learn in no other way.

Honesty is the best policy – when there is money in it.

If the world comes to an end, I want to be in Cincinnati. Everything comes there ten years later.

A man cannot be comfortable without his own approval.

Age is an issue of mind over matter. If you don’t mind, it doesn’t matter.

Loyalty to the country always. Loyalty to the government when it deserves it.

Some men deserve compliments, but the only one that is welcome to a modest man is the one that is undeserved.

Ideally a book would have no order to it, and the reader would have to discover his own.

Action speaks louder than words but not nearly as often.

Always acknowledge a fault. This will throw those in authority off their guard and give you an opportunity to commit more.

It’s not the size of the dog in the fight, it’s the size of the fight in the dog.

A man is never more truthful than when he acknowledges himself a liar.

Golf is a good walk spoiled.

It’s good sportsmanship to not pick up lost golf balls while they are still rolling.

Man – a creature made at the end of the week’s work when God was tired.

I have made it a rule never to smoke more that one cigar at a time.

I make it a rule never to smoke while I’m sleeping.

Always do right. This will gratify some people and astonish the rest.

Man will do many things to get himself loved, he will do all things to get himself envied.

The more you explain it, the more I don’t understand it.