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Stephen Fry Funny Quotes

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stephen-fry– “When you’ve seen a nude infant doing a backward somersault you know why clothing exists.” – Stephen Fry
– “Old Professors never die, they just lose their faculties. ” – Stephen Fry
– “Many people would no more think of entering journalism than the sewage business – which at least does us all some good.” – Stephen Fry

– “I don’t watch television, I think it destroys the art of talking about oneself.” – Stephen Fry

– “I could rent a room, paint it black, bolt on a few chains and call it my punishment room, Then have men in posing pouches in the background.” – Stephen Fry

– “An original idea. That can’t be too hard. The library must be full of them.” – Stephen Fry

– “I don’t need you to remind me of my age. I have a bladder to do that for me.” – Stephen Fry

Psychology Quotes

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– “A technical survey that systematize, digest, and appraise the mid century state of psychology.” – Stanley Smith Stevens

– “A vigorous five-mile walk will do more good for an unhappy but otherwise healthy adult than all the medicine and psychology in the world.” – Paul Dudley White

– “Academic sociologists have been trained to conceive of their discipline – sociology – as the scientific study of society, and to remit to the sister discipline of psychology the study of individuals.” – Richard Wall

– “Actually, I think my view is compatible with much of the work going on now in neuroscience and psychology, where people are studying the relationship of consciousness to neural and cognitive processes without really trying to reduce it to those processes.” – David Chalmers

– “After doing psychology for half a century, my passion for all of it is greater than ever.” – Philip Zimbardo

– “Any psychology of sign systems will be part of social psychology – that is to say, will be exclusively social; it will involve the same psychology as is applicable in the case of languages.” – Ferdinand de Saussure

– “Anyway, there is a lot of really interesting work going on in the neuroscience and psychology of consciousness, and I would love to see philosophers become more closely involved with this.” – David Chalmers

– “But I majored in Drama, modified with Psychology.” – Rachel Dratch

– “By the first week of shooting, you know exactly where your film is heading based on the psychology of your director.” – Jodie Foster

– “Child psychology and animal psychology are of relatively slight importance, as compared with the sciences which deal with the corresponding physiological problems of ontogeny and phylogeny.” – Wilhelm Wundt

– “Evolutionary psychology is one of four sciences that are bringing human nature back into the picture.” – Steven Pinker

– “For me it’s always about first impressions. I trust my instincts. I love to prepare if it’s something that requires training. But I don’t like to prepare the psychology too much. I enjoy the psychology of the character but I work better from a first impression.” – Billy Zane

– “History, sociology, economics, psychology et al. confirmed Joyce’s view of Everyman as victim.” – Robert Anton Wilson

– “Horror is beyond the reach of psychology.” – Theodor Adorno

– “I am an observer, I like to watch people. I am into psychology and people – how they act and such.” – Dane Cook

– “I can’t think of anyone who is up on evolutionary psychology and related areas who is deluded enough to be called a utopian.” – Keith Henson

– “I couldn’t sleep for two years, they tried to break my nerves. They used a lot of psychology to brainwash.” – Mordechai Vanunu

– “I have not thought too much about the psychology or life of the character Jonas in some time.” – Corin Nemec

– “I learned much more about acting from philosophy courses, psychology courses, history and anthropology than I ever learned in acting class.” – Tim Robbins

– “I loved making ‘Rising Sun’. I got into the psychology of why she liked to get strangled and tied up in plastic bags. It has to do with low self-worth.” – Tatjana Patitz

50 funny quotes

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1. “Borrow money from a pessimist – they don’t expect it back” – Unknown

2. “Young men want to be faithful, and are not; old men want to be faithless, and cannot.” – Unknown

3. “Friendship is like peeing on yourself: everyone can see it, but only you get the warm feeling that it brings.” – Unknown

4. “I am so clever that sometimes I don’t understand a single word of what I am saying.” – Oscar Wilde

5. “Son, if you really want something in this life, you have to work for it. Now quiet! They’re about to announce the lottery numbers.” – Homer Simpson

6. “I am not a vegetarian because I love animals; I am a vegetarian because I hate plants.” – Whitney Brown

7. “When you are courting a nice girl an hour seems like a second. When you sit on a red-hot cinder a second seems like an hour. That’s relativity.” – Albert Einstein

8. “Dogs are the leaders of the planet. If you see two life forms, one of them is making a poop, the other one is carrying it for him, who would you assume is in charge.” – Jerry Seinfeld

9. “Here’s something to think about: How come you never see a headline like «Psychic Wins Lottery» ?” – Jay Leno

10. “One of the great things about books is sometimes there are some fantastic pictures.” – George W. Bush

11. “Insurance is like marriage. You pay, pay, pay, and you never get anything back.” – Al Bundy

12. “The only thing that interferes with my learning is my education.” – Albert Einstein

13. “My advice to you is get married: if you find a good wife you’ll be happy; if not, you’ll become a philosopher.” – Socrates

14. “Gas is getting so expensive I’m gonna ride a mexican to work.” – Chris Rock

15. “Men want the same thing from their underwear that they want from women: a little
bit of support, and a little bit of freedom.” – Jerry Seinfeld

16. “Never stand between a dog and the hydrant.” – John Peers

17. “I believe that sex is one of the most beautiful, natural, wholesome things that money can buy.” – Steve Martin

18. “Only two things are necessary to keep one’s wife happy. One is to let her think she is having her own way, and the other is to let her have it.” – Lyndon B. Johnson

19. “Human beings are the only creatures on earth that allow their children to come back home.” – Bill Cosbey

20. “If a man smiles all the time, he’s probably selling something that doesn’t work.” – George Carlin

21. “If you are going through hell, keep going.” – Winston Churchill

22. “Be careful about reading health books. You may die of a misprint.” – Mark Twain

23. “If you love your job, you haven’t worked a day in your life.” – Tommy Lasorda

24. “A lot of people are afraid of heights. Not me, I’m afraid of widths.” – Steven Wright

25. “You tried, and you failed, so the lesson is, never try.” – Homer J. Simpson

26. “Every man is guilty of all the good he didn’t do.” – Voltaire

27. “When an actor marries an actress they both fight for the mirror.” – Burt Reynolds

28. “Absence — that common cure of love.” – Miguel De Cervantes

29. “Always and never are two words you should always remember never to use.” – Wendell Johnson

30. “It matters not whether you win or lose; what matters is whether I win or lose.” – Weinberg

31. “As to marriage or celibacy, let a man take the course he will. He will be sure to repent.” – Socrates

32. “A husband is what’s left of the lover after the nerve has been extracted.” – Helen Rowland

33. “Never insult an alligator until after you have crossed the river.” – Cordel Hull

34. “I like pigs. Dogs look up to us. Cats look down on us. Pigs treat us as equals.” – Winston Churchill

35. “There are three faithful friends — an old wife, an old dog, and ready money.” – Benjamin Franklin

36. “The trouble with being punctual is that nobody’s there to appreciate.” – Franklin P. Jones

37. “All my life, I always wanted to be somebody. Now I see that I should
have been more specific.” – Jane Wagner

38. “The most exciting phrase to hear in science, the one that heralds new
discoveries, is not «Eureka!» (I found it!) but «That’s funny …» ” – Isaac Asimov

39. “Always forgive your enemies; nothing annoys them so much.” – Oscar Wilde

40. “Doing nothing is very hard to do … you never know when you’re finished.” – Leslie Nielsen

41. “The reason why worry kills more people than work is that more people worry than work.” – Robert Frost

42. “The person who writes for fools is always sure of a large audience.” – Arthur Schopenhauer

43. “An archaeologist is the best husband a woman can have; the older she gets the more interested he is in her.” – Agatha Christie

44. “I never forget a face, but in your case I’ll be glad to make an exception.” – Groucho Marx

45. “Good girls go to heaven, bad girls go everywhere.” – Mae West

46. “Beer is living proof that God loves us and wants us to be happy.” – Benjamin Franklin

47. “Dancing: the vertical expression of a horizontal desire.” – George Bernard Shaw

48. “Don’t knock masturbation. It’s sex with someone I love.” – Woody Allen

49. “All women are good – good for nothing, or good for something.” – Miguel De Cervantes

50. “Everything is funny as long as it is happening to somebody else.” – Will Rogers

Travis Barker from Blink 182 Quotes

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travis-barker– “I’m the guy on tour who will do his own thing.”
– “I’m easily irritated.”
– “Misery is flying in an airplane.”
– “I’ve never made it a point to be different from everyone else.”
– “She was super horny.” – about Janine
– “Well, most of the shows we play are the Warped tour, but in our free time, pretty much everyone skateboards.”
– “I listen to everything from jazz to reggae to heavy metal and I kind of combine everything to make something different.”
– “I think they’re super funny, but you would never hear me talking like them.” – on Tom and Mark

– “Seeing the Police and not being able to be the drummer.” – most heartbreaking concert experience

Tre Cool from Green Day Quotes

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Green Day– “I don’t have to tell you that.”
– “It’s, like, an ok tour bus and all, but people see bookmobile on the side and come up and ask if we have any book to sell. I mean how stupid is that.. books? We don’t even read.”
– “It’s a good song, toot toot, fuck you. Robert Smith eat our dust.”
– “We don’t like superstars and rock idols.”
– “Prosthetic head is better than no head in the morning.”

– “When I die, they’ll bury me in an Anvil case … with wheels.”

– “We miss heavy metal.”

– “When was the last time you saw someone go off stage to snort cocaine in the middle of there neck?”

– “Mike, the craziest son-of-a-bitch that ever walked the planet.”

– “People think that we’re just these good-looking guys with these really big dicks that play really hot fucking rock and roll. But we’re sensitive, and we have feelings too.”

Tom DeLonge from Blink 182 Quotes

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tom_delonge– “I can’t live without Mexican food.”
– “I spy on my dad when he’s taking a shower just like everybody else.”
– “Punk has nothing to do with what label you’re on.”
– “All the selling out talk is really overrated, the funny thing is it hardly ever comes from bands, it comes from some kid who thinks they’re so punk because they have a purple mohawk.”
– “People always throw things at us.”
– “Right now people think I’m ugly, but in 150 years they might think I’m handsome.”
– “I applaud anyone who thinks I’m good-looking and invite them into my world.”

– “I call everyone stinky butt.”

– “Anybody that is going to hear the record is going to think, «The songs totally suck, but the production is so amazing, I’m going to go buy the record.»” – on Enema of the State

– “Right after Seattle all eyes went to San Diego.”

– “As long as we helped you discover that the world is a beautiful place.”

– “I think we need therapy.”

– “I think it’s so incredible that there are all these boy bands out there, like the Backstreet Boys and N’sync. They’re all so bad! It hurts me, I’ve cried!”

– “And they choreograph everything, including the sex they have with each other after the shows!” – about boy bands

– “I don’t think that listening to the Beastie Boys is embarrassing because I think they are a really great band.”

– “The only reason in the world that I bought a computer was to look up UFO sites.”

– “It’s all on this giant fiberoptic system tied into the Pentagon and they are monitoring everything we do and we’re all gonna die.”

– “We write about relationships, and just growing up though high school, that kind of stuff.”

– “Success is strange.”

– “When you go from selling no records to selling lots of them, you have to wonder-did your mom buy them all? Are they just sitting in your garage?”

– “It’s a travelling punk rock barbecue.” – about Warped Tour

– “I hated, hated, hated my job. You know those people who hate there job? That was me.”

– “We were bored and we couldn’t get chicks. So we decided if we’d be in a band, that would take care of two problems at once.”

– “I might be a dork, but I don’t want to be a jerk.”

– “There are far too many people out there who take themselves too seriously.”

– “All in the name of science of course!”

– “We don’t want to grow up, we never want to grow up!”

– “We’re just really lucky. We’re not better than anybody else.”

– “Please don’t throw your dirty toilet paper, I’m not hungry.”

– “And we don’t stay up all night driving, now we stay up all night drinking.”

– “I just want to make a UFO movie.”

– “These days, if we’re not sleeping, we’re trying to get food or we’re watching TV.”

– “We pull off looking stupid very well. We can do that without even trying.”

– “I am such a freak.”

– “I used to drink a lot of beer, but I was just getting fat as can be.”

– “We don’t want to be Green Day!”

– “The worst thing in the world is shit, and shit comes out of the butt.”

– “There’s too many rad things to stick in your butt besides a living animal.”

Mark Allan Hoppus from Blink 182 Quotes

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Mark_Allan_Hoppus– “To sum up Tom in one word would be: feminine.
– “All we wanted to do was to headline Soma.”
– “I was always a loner.”
– “So, yeah, travelling sucks.”
– “I don’t feel like I’m a stable person at all.”
– “My idea of total misery is sitting in traffic.”
– “Yes, I’ve cried at sad movies.”
– “My mom hates the title, she told me the other day, «Your grandmother keeps asking what the title of the new record is, but I won’t tell her.»” – about Enema of the State
– “It’s all happy, sing along love songs. ” – about the new record
– “None of us really surf that much; surfing is really hard. You have to spend a lot of time in the water and there’s no other sport in the world that actually has monsters that want to eat you while you’re doing it.”

– “The recent history of San Diego music came from the grunge movement.”

– “A lot of the punk-rock scene is usually against people associating themselves with products.”

– “If you look in a crowd and there’s one person just getting the shit beat out of them, it’s probably the Blink fan.” – Blink 182 fan

– “Skater kids don’t take themselves seriously, because they’ve mostly been pigeonholed as losers.”

– “I totally masturbate! And I jack off! Whooooooo!”

– “I think age is a stupid number.”

– “I can’t speak for any other bands, but I don’t like anger, I don’t like aggression. I hate music that’s all about that.”

– “The whole punk-rock elitism thing has gone away, and now people are more accepting of music as music; instead of as status.”

– “I came from punk rock, but who knows if I’m punk.”

– “I’ll be the first to admit I’m not an accomplished bass player.”

– “I know I’ve got a disgusting body, but I think it’s funny, so I’m gonna make people laugh at it.”

– “If you ever end up there, you really pissed off God.” – about Ridgecrest, CA

– “I think there’s nothing more awkward or stupid looking than a naked guy.”

-” We’re like, Fisher-Price: My First Punk Band.”

– “I was very direction less and stupid.” – on his earlier years

– “I like boats.”

– “It would suck to go to your grave wondering what you could have done with your band if you didn’t try.”

– “Make yourself do something stupid, so when you really do something stupid you won’t feel so bad.”

– “Never let anyone tell you how to live your life.”

– “If at first you don’t succeed, pay someone to do it.”

– “Screw the people that don’t understand.”

– “I don’t like the taste of beer and ice cream gives me diarrhea.”

– “Disney movies are fuckin’ bitchin’.”

– “I have no idea why people like our band. Maybe bad taste is in.”

– “If we tried to write about politics, you’d realize that we’re all a bunch of idiots.”

– “And anyone that calls me a sell-out is just jealous.”

– “Our biggest hit had a video where we made fun of boy bands. Why we would then be lumped into that is beyond me.”

– “The only thing that scares me about cocaine is deat”

– “My old band [Of All Things] was just about to start playing, and right then the acid hit me. I threw my bass down and ran like five miles into the desert.” – on his first acid trip

– “We’re not straight edge; we just don’t talk about it” – on trying drugs

– “Farts and poop are still funny and will always be funny.”

– “Yes. she does. You can tell.” – on Brittany Spears and if she has fake boobs

– “The thing that makes me happiest in the world is hanging out with my friends”.

Billie Joe Armstrong from Green Day Quotes

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billie-joe-armstrong– “We don’t want to be cocky and go into these big arenas and have nobody
show up, or maybe have it only half-filled.”
– “We’re always up to prove ourselves.”
– “Insomniac was so important, just because we created a foundation for ourselves
to be able to branch out.”
– “And that’s part of the process of writing songs, to figure out life and how
to live it.”
– “If you need a mop, you go to Target, just like everybody else.”
– “If you act like a fuckin’ dork, people are gonna treat you like a dork.”
– “I hate celebrities.”
– “So I think the success of bands like Blink 182 and Offspring helps us in
the long run.”

– “That’s the reason I play punk rock, I don’t need or want all the other
outside bullshit.”

– “Lyrically, I think this album is groundbreaking for me.” – on album Warning
– “Reggae carries no pessimism.”

– “Operation Ivy is the only ultimate ska-punk band out there.”

– “Punk is not just the sound, the music, punk is a lifestyle.”

– “We’re just as much punk as we used to be.”

– “When we started out, punk was probably the most unpopular music around.”

– “Punk will never be dead to me.”

– “If we trash other bands, it only makes us look lame.”

– “Woodstock… To tell you the truth it was the closest thing to total chaos I’ve ever seen in my life. The audience took over everything.”

– “They have bad taste. I am NOT a good looking guy.”

– “Yeah fuck me! I wish you could all fuck me!!”

– “Never run in the rain with your socks on .”

– “There’s nothing wrong with being a loser, it just depends on how good you are at it.”

– “Apathy rules, fuck everyone!”

– “Punk rock’s dead, and I fucking killed it!”

– “I never thought being obnoxious would get me where I am now.”

– “Throw mud at each other.. see how many stupid things you can do to each other all at one time.”

– “You my friend, will never be a winner.”

– “I wasn’t the kind of kid that was beaten up or anything in high school. I think I was more invisible. I didn’t really exist.”

– “Susan Luchie, eat your heart out.”

– “Besides, I always thought anger was a lot more interesting than feeling good about yourself.”

– “Everybody gets sick of life. It’s human nature.”

– “The beauty of the punk thing is that everyone has their own interpretation- like the Bible.”

– “I’m not gonna say anything inspirational; I’m just gonna fucking swear a lot.”

– “Mistakes are a big part of our sound.”

– “I wanna see random acts of teen sex everywhere!”

– “When was the last time you saw someone drink an entire bottle of ice tea?”

– “We’re going to change our name to the Susan Luchie Band.”

– “Don’t mow another man’s lawn!”

Beer Quotes

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– “Not all chemicals are bad. Without chemicals such as hydrogen and oxygen, for example, there would be no way to make water, a vital ingredient in beer.” – Dave Barry

– “Sometimes when I reflect back on all the beer I drink I feel ashamed – Then I look into the glass and think about the workers in the brewery and all of their hopes and dreams. If I didn’t drink this beer, they might be out of work and their dreams would be shattered. Then I say to myself, «It is better that I drink this beer and let their dreams come true than be selfish and worry about my liver.»” – Jack Handy

– “Beer is proof that God loves us and wants us to be happy.” – Benjamin Franklin

– “I would kill everyone in this room for a drop of sweet beer!” – Homer Simpson

– “Give me a woman who loves beer and I will conquer the world.” – Kaiser Welhelm

– “Beer will always have a definite role in the diet of an individual and can be considered a cog in the wheel of nutritional foods.” – Bruce Carlton

– “It was as natural as eating and, to me, as necessary. I would not have thought of eating a meal without drinking a beer.” – Ernest Hemingway

– “Pretty women make us BUY beer. Ugly women make us DRINK beer.” – Ed O’Neill

– “He was a great man who invented beer” – Plato

– “I only drink beer on days that ends with «Y»” – Unknown

Bugs Bunny Quotes

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bugs-bunny-debut-1– “Don’t take life too seriously. You’ll never get out alive.” – Bugs Bunny
– “Well, what did you expect in an opera? A happy ending?” – Bugs Bunny
– “Here I go with the timid little woodland creature bit again. It’s shameful, but…ehhh, it’s a living.” – Bugs Bunny
– “Eh, what’s up, doc? You can’t shoot a wabbit.” – Bugs Bunny
– “I know this defies the law of gravity, but I never studied law!” – Bugs Bunny
– “Oh well, maybe I can shine it up and use it for an ashtray.” – Bugs Bunny

– “If an interesting monster can’t have an interesting hairdo I don’t know what this world is coming to.” – Bugs Bunny

– “Remember Doc! Keep smiling!” – Bugs Bunny

– “The rabbit is considered a kind and intelligent creature in Cambodian culture.” – Bugs Bunny