Charlotte Whitton – Friendship Quotes – a large collection of famous and inspirational quotes

Funny Sarcastic Quotes

Posted on January 27, 2011 by

“Suppose you were an idiot, and suppose you a member of Congress, but I repeat myself.” – Mark Twain

“Beauty is only skin deep, but ugly goes clear to the bone.” – A. B. Evans

“You don’t say civilization don’t advance – for every war they kill you a new way.” – Will Rogers

“The tongue is the only instrument that gets sharper with use.” – Colin Jarman

“Critics are the stupid who discuss the wise.” – Anonymous

“A critic is a man who writes about things he doesn’t like” – Anonymous

“I love criticism just as long as it’s unqualified praise.” – Noel Coward

“A critic is a man created to praise greater men than himself, but he is never able to find them.” – Richard Le Gallienne

“The difference between journalism and literature is that journalism is unreadable and literature is not read.” – Oscar Wilde

“When an opera singer sings her head off, she usually improves her appearance.” – Victor Borge

“The fastest way to a man’s heart is through his chest.” – Roseanne Arnold

“The power with her is that she lacks the power of conversation, but not the power of speech.” – George Bernard Shaw

“I know she is outspoken, but by who?” – Dorothy Parker

“You don’t know a woman, until you’ve met her in court.” – Norman Mailer

“Women are like elephants to me; they’re nice to look at, but I wouldn’t want to own one.” – W.C. Fields

“Women have a passion for mathematics. They divide their age in half, double the price of their clothes, and always add at least five years to the age of their best friends.” – Marcel Achard

“A man without a woman is like a neck without a pain.” – Anonymous

“Whatever women do, they must do twice as well as men to be thought half as good. Luckily, this is not difficult.”- Charlotte Whitton

“A man’s love is incomplete until he has married. Then he’s finished.” – Zsa Zsa Gabor

“Adam came first, but men always do.” – Anonymous

“If they can put one man on the moon, why can’t they put them all there?” – Anonymous

“Women have their faults. Men have only two: Everything they say. Everything they do.” – Anonymous

“Japanese are extremely good imitators and they so polite, they even copy the mistakes.” – Earl Scrugge

“If you’re gong to Paris you would do well to remember this: no matter how politely or distinctly you ask a Parisian a question he will persist in answering you in French.” – Fran Lebowits

Quotes about Women

Posted on February 2, 2010 by

– “Women cannot complain about men anymore until they start getting better taste in them.” – Bill Maher

– “A male gynecologist is like an auto mechanic who has never owned a car.” – Carrie Snow

– “You start out happy that you have no hips or boobs. All of a sudden you get them, and it feels sloppy. Then just when you start liking them, they start drooping.” – Cindy Crawford

– “Every girl should use what Mother Nature gave her before Father Time takes it away.” – Laurence J. Peter

– “The average woman would rather have beauty than brains, because the average man can see better than he can think.” – Unknown

– “A woman can say more in a sigh than a man can say in a sermon.” – Arnold Haultain

– “Whatever women do they must do twice as well as men to be thought half as good. Luckily, this is not difficult.” – Charlotte Whitton

– “Women are always beautiful.” – Ville Valo

– “The two women exchanged the kind of glance women use when no knife is handy.” – Ellery Queen

– “Curve: The loveliest distance between two points.” – Mae West

– “Can you imagine a world without men? No crime and lots of happy fat women.” – Nicole Hollander

– “Women get the last word in every argument. Anything a man says after that is the beginning of a new argument.” – Unknown

– “Next to the wound, what women make best is the bandage.” – Jules Barbey d’Aurevilly

– “A pessimist is a man who thinks all women are bad. An optimist is a man who hopes they are.” – Chauncey Mitchell Depew

– “The rarest thing in the world is a woman who is pleased with photographs of herself.” – Elizabeth Metcalf

– “There is a special place in hell for women who do not help other women.” – Madeleine K. Albright

– “A man’s face is his autobiography. A woman’s face is her work of fiction.” – Oscar Wilde

– “There’s something luxurious about having a girl light your cigarette. In fact, I got married once on account of that.” – Harold Robbins

– “When a man talks dirty to a woman, it’s sexual harassment. When a woman talks dirty to a man, it’s $3.95 a minute.” – Unknown

– “Men get laid, but women get screwed.” – Quentin Crisp

– “The most popular image of the female despite the exigencies of the clothing trade is all boobs and buttocks, a hallucinating sequence of parabolae and bulges.” – Germaine Greer

– “Whether they give or refuse, it delights women just the same to have been asked.” – Ovid

– “Howiver, I’m not denyin’ the women are foolish: God Almighty made ’em to match the men.” – George Eliot, “The Harvest Supper”, Adam Bede

– “Women are like elephants to me. I like to look at them, but I wouldn’t want to own one.” – W.C. Fields

– “Women really do rule the world. They just haven’t figured it out yet. When they do, and they will, we’re all in big big trouble.” – Doctor Leon