Friendship Quotes – a large collection of famous and inspirational quotes

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Funny Quotes from Unknown People

I’ve managed to post here some great funny quotes from some unknown people, but related to today’s times.

– I wish Google Maps had an “Avoid Ghetto” routing option.

-More often than not, when someone is telling me a story all I can think about is that I can’t wait for them to finish so that I can tell my own story that’s not only better, but also more directly involves me.

-Nothing sucks more than that moment during an argument when you realize you’re wrong.

-How are you supposed to fold a fitted sheet?

-I totally take back all those times I didn’t want to nap when I was younger.

-Is it just me, or are 80% of the people in the “people you may know” feature on Facebook people that I do know, but I deliberately choose not to be friends with?

– LOL has gone from meaning, “laugh out loud” to “I have nothing else to say”.

– I have a hard time deciphering the fine line between boredom and hunger.

– Answering the same letter three times or more in a row on a Scantron test is absolutely petrifying.

– Whenever someone says “I’m not book smart, but I’m street smart”, all I hear is “I’m not real smart, but I’m imaginary smart”.

– How many times is it appropriate to say “What?” before you just nod and smile because you still didn’t hear what they said?

funny quotes– While driving yesterday I saw a banana peel in the road and i nstinctively swerved to avoid it…thanks Mario Kart.

– MapQuest really needs to start their directions on #5. Pretty sure I know how to get out of my neighborhood.

– Obituaries would be a lot more interesting if they told you how the person died.

-Why is it that during an ice-breaker, when the whole room has to go around and say their name and where they are from, I get so incredibly nervous? Like I know my name, I know where I’m from, this shouldn’t be
a problem….

-You never know when it will strike, but there comes a moment at work when you’ve made up your mind that you just aren’t doing anything productive for the rest of the day.

-I’m always slightly terrified when I exit out of Word and it asks me if I want to save any changes to my ten page research paper that I swear I did not make any changes to.

– “Do not machine wash or tumble dry” means I will never wash this ever.

-I hate being the one with the remote in a room full of people watching TV. There’s so much pressure. ‘I love this show, but will they judge me if I keep it on? I bet everyone is wishing we weren’t watching this. It’s only a matter of time before they all get up and leave the room. Will we still be friends after this?’

-I hate when I just miss a call by the last ring (Hello? Hello? Darn!), but when I immediately call back, it rings nine times and goes to voicemail. What’d you do after I didn’t answer? Drop the phone and run away?

– I hate leaving my house confident and looking good and then not seeing anyone of importance the entire day. What a waste.

What’s your favorite?

Funny Life Quotes

Life without fun is nothing. Let me share with you a great piece of Funny Life Quotes. Please choose your favorite and write it on comments section. Thanks! :)

Funny Life Quotes

“The road to success is always under construction.”

“A bargain is something you can’t use at a price you can’t resist.” – Franklin P. Jones

“I totally take back all those times I didn’t want to nap when I was younger.”

“Tell someone there are 300 billion stars in the universe and they’ll believe you. Tell them a bench has wet paint on it and they’ll have to touch it to be sure.” – Murphy’s Law

“If you think something small can’t make a difference, try going to sleep with a mosquito in the room.”

“The only time a windshield wiper will work properly is when it’s holding a parking ticket.”

“How many times is it appropriate to say “What?” before you just nod and smile because you still didn’t hear or understand a word they said?”

“How is it that one match can start a forest fire, but it takes a whole box of matches to start a campfire?” – Christy Whitehead

“I know that you believe you understand what you think I said, but I’m not sure you realize that what you heard is not what I meant.” – Robert McCloskey

“The next time you think you’re perfect, try walking on water.”

“Sometimes I’ll look down at my watch 3 consecutive times and still not know what time it is.”

Funny Life Quotes“Even under ideal conditions people have trouble locating their car keys in a pocket, finding their cell phone, and Pinning the Tail on the Donkey – but I’d bet everyone can find and push the snooze button from 3 feet away, in about 1.7 seconds, eyes closed, first time, every time.”

“Why do they call it rush hour when nothing moves?”

“Bad decisions make good stories.”

“How is it that our memory is good enough to retain the least triviality that happens to us, and yet not good enough to recollect how often we have told it to the same person?” – François Duc de La Rochefoucauld

“I have six locks on my door all in a row. When I go out, I lock every other one. I figure no matter how long somebody stands there picking the locks, they are always locking three.”

“People who snore always fall asleep first.”

“The trouble with, “A place for everything and everything in its place” is that there’s always more everything than places.” – Robert Brault

“No one is listening until you pass gas.”

“Life was so much easier when your clothes didn’t match and boys had cooties!”

“You’ve reached middle age when all you exercise is caution.”

This is you list of Funny Life Quotes. Can you tell us who was your favorite? Although, if you got another funny quote that is not on the list, please tell.

*photo via

Yogi Berra Quotes

U1283561INP– “This is like deja vu all over again.”
– “You can observe a lot just by watching.”
– “He must have made that before he died.” — Referring to a Steve McQueen movie.
– “I want to thank you for making this day necessary.” — On Yogi Berra Appreciation Day in St. Louis in 1947.
– “I’d find the fellow who lost it, and, if he was poor, I’d return it.” — When asked what he would do if he found a million dollars.
– “Think! How the hell are you gonna think and hit at the same time?”
– “You’ve got to be very careful if you don’t know where you’re going, because you might not get there.”
– “I knew I was going to take the wrong train, so I left early.”

– “If you don’t know where you are going, you will wind up somewhere else.”

– “If you can’t imitate him, don’t copy him.”

– “You better cut the pizza in four pieces because I’m not hungry enough to eat six.”

– “Baseball is 90% mental — the other half is physical.”

– “It was impossible to get a conversation going; everybody was talking too much.”

– “Slump? I ain’t in no slump. I just ain’t hitting.”

– “A nickel isn’t worth a dime today.”

– “Nobody goes there anymore; it’s too crowded.”

– “It gets late early out there.” — Referring to the bad sun conditions in left field at the stadium.

– “Glen Cove.” — Referring to Glenn Close on a movie review television show.

– Once, Yogi’s wife Carmen asked, “Yogi, you are from St. Louis, we live in New Jersey, and you played ball in New York. If you go before I do, where would you like me to have you buried?” Yogi replied, “Surprise me.”

– “Do you mean now?” — When asked for the time.

– “I take a two hour nap, from one o’clock to four.”

– “If you come to a fork in the road, take it.”

– “You give 100 percent in the first half of the game, and if that isn’t enough in the second half you give what’s left.”

– “90% of the putts that are short don’t go in.”

– “I made a wrong mistake.”

– “Texas has a lot of electrical votes.” — During an election campaign, after George Bush stated that Texas was important to the election.

– “Thanks, you don’t look so hot yourself.” — After being told he looked cool.

– “I always thought that record would stand until it was broken.”

– “Yeah, but we’re making great time!” — In reply to “Hey Yogi, I think we’re lost.”

– “If the fans don’t come out to the ball park, you can’t stop them.”

– “Why buy good luggage? You only use it when you travel.”

– “It’s never happened in the World Series competition, and it still hasn’t.”

– “How long have you known me, Jack? And you still don’t know how to spell my name.” — Upon receiving a check from Jack Buck made out to “bearer.”

– “I’d say he’s done more than that.” — When asked if first baseman Don Mattingly had exceeded expectations for the current season.

– “The other teams could make trouble for us if they win.”

– “He can run anytime he wants. I’m giving him the red light.” — On the acquisition of fleet Ricky Henderson.

– “I never blame myself when I’m not hitting. I just blame the bat, and if it keeps up, I change bats. After all, if I know it isn’t my fault that I’m not hitting, how can I get mad at myself?”

– “It ain’t the heat; it’s the humility.”

– “The towels were so thick there I could hardly close my suitcase.”

– “You should always go to other people’s funerals; otherwise, they won’t come to yours.”

– “I didn’t really say everything I said.”