I’ve managed to post here some great funny quotes from some unknown people, but related to today’s times.
– I wish Google Maps had an “Avoid Ghetto” routing option.
-More often than not, when someone is telling me a story all I can think about is that I can’t wait for them to finish so that I can tell my own story that’s not only better, but also more directly involves me.
-Nothing sucks more than that moment during an argument when you realize you’re wrong.
-How are you supposed to fold a fitted sheet?
-I totally take back all those times I didn’t want to nap when I was younger.
-Is it just me, or are 80% of the people in the “people you may know” feature on Facebook people that I do know, but I deliberately choose not to be friends with?
– LOL has gone from meaning, “laugh out loud” to “I have nothing else to say”.
– I have a hard time deciphering the fine line between boredom and hunger.
– Answering the same letter three times or more in a row on a Scantron test is absolutely petrifying.
– Whenever someone says “I’m not book smart, but I’m street smart”, all I hear is “I’m not real smart, but I’m imaginary smart”.
– How many times is it appropriate to say “What?” before you just nod and smile because you still didn’t hear what they said?
– MapQuest really needs to start their directions on #5. Pretty sure I know how to get out of my neighborhood.
– Obituaries would be a lot more interesting if they told you how the person died.
-Why is it that during an ice-breaker, when the whole room has to go around and say their name and where they are from, I get so incredibly nervous? Like I know my name, I know where I’m from, this shouldn’t be
-You never know when it will strike, but there comes a moment at work when you’ve made up your mind that you just aren’t doing anything productive for the rest of the day.
-I’m always slightly terrified when I exit out of Word and it asks me if I want to save any changes to my ten page research paper that I swear I did not make any changes to.
– “Do not machine wash or tumble dry” means I will never wash this ever.
-I hate being the one with the remote in a room full of people watching TV. There’s so much pressure. ‘I love this show, but will they judge me if I keep it on? I bet everyone is wishing we weren’t watching this. It’s only a matter of time before they all get up and leave the room. Will we still be friends after this?’
-I hate when I just miss a call by the last ring (Hello? Hello? Darn!), but when I immediately call back, it rings nine times and goes to voicemail. What’d you do after I didn’t answer? Drop the phone and run away?
– I hate leaving my house confident and looking good and then not seeing anyone of importance the entire day. What a waste.
What’s your favorite?
1. It’s not that I’m so smart, it’s just that I stay with problems longer. —Albert Einstein
2. Eighty percent of success is showing up. —Woody Allen
3. I respect faith, but doubt is what gets you an education. —Wilson Mizner
4. The greatest obstacle to discovery is not ignorance; it is the illusion of knowledge. —Daniel J. Boorstin
5. The pessimist complains about the wind; the optimist expects it to change; the realist adjusts the sails. —William Arthur Ward
6. If you don’t make mistakes, you’re not working on hard enough problems. And that’s a big mistake. —Frank Wilczek
7. You can never get enough of what you don’t really need. —Eric Hoffer
8. Insanity: doing the same thing over and over again and expecting different results. —Albert Einstein
9. Do not confuse motion and progress. A rocking horse keeps moving but does not make any progress. —Alfred A. Montapert
11. Tomorrow is often the busiest day of the week. —Spanish Proverb
12. Be yourself; everyone else is already taken. —Oscar Wilde
13. There is a great difference between worry and concern. A worried person sees a problem, and a concerned person solves a problem. —Harold Stephens
14. It is easier to fight for one’s principles than to live up to them. —Alfred Adler
15. I hear: I forget / I see: I remember / I do: I understand —Chinese Proverb
16. Discipline is just choosing between what you want now and what you want most. —Unknown Author
17. The very best thing you can do for the whole world is to make the most of yourself. —Wallace Wattles
18. Good judgment comes from experience, and experience comes from bad judgment. —Barry LePatner
19. When I do good, I feel good; when I do bad, I feel bad, and that is my religion. —Abraham Lincoln
20. Success consists of going from failure to failure without loss of enthusiasm. —Winston Churchill
Competence, like truth, beauty and contact lenses, is in the eye of the beholder. ~Laurence J. Peter
Equal opportunity means everyone will have a fair chance at being incompetent. ~Laurence J. Peter
Incompetents invariably make trouble for people other than themselves. ~Larry McMurtry
Our all-volunteer force continues to prove itself with a great level of professionalism, personal commitment and a technical competence that is quite remarkable. ~Geoff Davis
The incompetent with nothing to do can still make a mess of it. ~Laurence J. Peter
Under-representation of women and other inequality among researchers is a problem that will not solve itself as women acquire competence. ~Tarja Halonen
“It’s so much easier to suggest solutions when you don’t know too much about the problem.” – Malcolm S. Forbes
”Once we recognize what it is we are feeling, once we recognize we can feel deeply, love deeply, can feel joy, then we will demand that all parts of our lives produce that kind of joy. ” Audre Lorde
”It is difficult to know at what moment love begins; it is less difficult to know that it has begun. ” Henry Wadsworth Longfellow
”True love stories never have endings. ” Richard Bach
”In love the paradox occurs that two beings become one and yet remain two. ” Erich Fromm
”In matters of the heart, nothing is true except the improbable. ” Madame de Stael
”Immature love says: ‘I love you because I need you.’ Mature love says ‘I need you because I love you.’ ” Erich Fromm
”Love is the whole history of a woman’s life, it is but an episode in a man’s. ” Madame de Stael
”If you want to be loved, be lovable. ” Ovid
”Affection is responsible for nine-tenths of whatever solid and durable happiness there is in our lives. ” C. S. Lewis
”Love is more than a noun – it is a verb; it is more than a feeling – it is caring, sharing, helping, sacrificing. ” William Arthur Ward
”If you press me to say why I loved him, I can say no more than because he was he, and I was I. ” Michel de Montaigne
”A man content to go to heaven alone will never go to heaven. ” Boethius
”Love recognizes no barriers. It jumps hurdles, leaps fences, penetrates walls to arrive at its destination full of hope. ” Maya Angelou
”If you live to be a hundred, I want to live to be a hundred minus one day, so I never have to live without you. ” A. A. Milne
”A very small degree of hope is sufficient to cause the birth of love. ” Stendhal
”Love is a better teacher than duty. ” Albert Einstein
”If you could only love enough, you could be the most powerful person in the world. ” Emmet Fox
”If you find it in your heart to care for somebody else, you will have succeeded. ” Maya Angelou
”I like not only to be loved, but also to be told I am loved. ” George Eliot
”Just don’t give up trying to do what you really want to do. Where there’s love and inspiration, I don’t think you can go wrong. ” Ella Fitzgerald
”I have found the paradox, that if you love until it hurts, there can be no more hurt, only more love. ” Daphne Rae
”I can live without money, but I cannot live without love. ” Judy Garland
”A woman knows the face of the man she loves as a sailor knows the open sea. ” Honore de Balzac
”A career is wonderful, but you can’t curl up with it on a cold night. ” Marilyn Monroe
”How absurd and delicious it is to be in love with somebody younger than yourself. Everybody should try it. ” Barbara Pym
”All my life, my heart has yearned for a thing I cannot name. ” Andre Breton
”Love is an act of endless forgiveness, a tender look which becomes a habit. ” Peter Ustinov
”Gravitation is not responsible for people falling in love. ” Albert Einstein
”If someone thinks that love and peace is a cliché that must have been left behind in the Sixties, that’s his problem. Love and peace are eternal. ” John Lennon
”Friendship often ends in love; but love in friendship – never. ” Charles Caleb Colton
”Before I met my husband, I’d never fallen in love. I’d stepped in it a few times. ” Rita Rudner
”One word frees us of all the weight and pain of life: that word is love. ” Sophocles
”For it was not into my ear you whispered, but into my heart. It was not my lips you kissed, but my soul. ” Judy Garland
”Power without love is reckless and abusive, and love without power is sentimental and anemic. ” Martin Luther King, Jr.
”First love is only a little foolishness and a lot of curiosity. ” George Bernard Shaw
”A life lived in love will never be dull. ” Leo Buscaglia
”Do all things with love. ” Og Mandino
”The more I think it over, the more I feel that there is nothing more truly artistic than to love people. ” Vincent van Gogh
”Come live in my heart, and pay no rent. ” Samuel Lover
”Your task is not to seek for love, but merely to seek and find all the barriers within yourself that you have built against it. ” Rumi
”Can miles truly separate you from friends? If you want to be with someone you love, aren’t you already there? ” Richard Bach
”At the touch of love everyone becomes a poet. ” Plato
”Why love if losing hurts so much? We love to know that we are not alone. ” C. S. Lewis
”A loving heart is the beginning of all knowledge. ” Thomas Carlyle