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Best Charlie Sheen Quotes

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“I have a disease? Bullshit. I cured it with my brain.”
“Winning, anyone? Rhymes with winning. Anyone? Yeah, that would be us. Sorry, man, didn’t make the rules. Oops!”
“I’m tired of pretending I’m not a total bitchin’ rock star from Mars.”
“You can’t process me with a normal brain.”
“If you borrowed my brain for five seconds, you’d be like, ‘Dude! Can’t handle it, unplug this bastard!’ “It fires in a way that’s maybe not from, uh… this terrestrial realm.”
“I was banging seven-gram rocks, because that’s how I roll. I have one speed, I have one gear: Go.”
“Can’t is the cancer of happening.”
“Wow. What does that mean? I’m bi-WINNING.”
“I am battle-tested bayonets, bro.”
“I’m so tired of pretending my life isn’t perfect and bitching and just winning every second and I’m not perfect and bitchin’.”
“Look what I’m dealing with, man, I’m dealing with fools and trolls.”
“It’s just strafing runs in my underwear before my first cup of coffee, because I don’t have time for these clowns.”
“You have the right to kill me, but you do not have the right to judge me. Boom. That’s the whole movie. That’s life.”
“I’m sorry man, I got magic and I’ve got poetry in my fingertips, you know, most of the time, and this includes naps.”
“I’m an F-18, bro.”
“I’m not Thomas Jefferson. He was a pussy.”
“I am on a drug, it’s called Charlie Sheen. It’s not available because if you try it you will die. Your face will melt off and your children will weep over your exploded body.”
“I’m bi-winning.”
“There’s a new sheriff in town. And he has an army of assassins.”
“The run I was on made Sinatra, Flynn, Jagger, Richards, all of them look like droopy-eyed armless children.”
“The only thing I’m addicted to right now is winning.”
“I wish him nothing but pain in his silly travels especially if they wind up in my octagon. Clearly I have defeated this earthworm with my words — imagine what I would have done with my fire breathing fists.
“[CBS] picked a fight with a warlock.”
“If you’re a part of my family, I will love you violently.”
“Winning.”
“I will not believe that if I do something then I have to follow a certain path because it was written for normal people. People who aren’t special. People who don’t have tiger blood and Adonis DNA.”
“C’mon bro, I won best picture at 20. I wasn’t even trying. I wasn’t even warm.”
“Winning.”
“Bring me Dr. Clown shoes.”

Funny Proverbs and Sayings

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Patience will come to those who wait for it.

Man who lives in glass house shouldn’t run naked.

Wife who puts husband in doghouse soon will find him in cathouse.

The believer is happy. The doubter is wise.

Practice makes perfect, but nobody’s perfect, so why practice?

War does not determine who is right, war determine who is left.

It is never too late to be what you might have been.

You cannot get to the top by sitting on your bottom.

Virginity like bubble, one prick all gone.

If at first you don’t succeed, get new batteries.

If you think education is expensive, try ignorance.

A peacock who sits on his tail is just another turkey.

A verbal contract isn’t worth the paper it’s written on.

A bird in the hand is safer than one overhead.

You never test the depth of a river with both feet.

An ideal mind is the best way to relax.

Life is like a sewer… what you get out of it depends on what you put into it.

Parents can tell but never teach, unless they practice what they preach.

Two’s a company, three’s the Musketeers.

Wise men don’t need advice. Fools won’t take it.

The greatest mistake you can make in life is to be continually fearing you will make one.

It matters not what you do, as long as you are the best one doing it.

Never underestimate the power of termites.

Learn from the mistakes of others. You can’t live long enough to make them all yourself.

Many complain of their looks, but none of their brains.

Man who sneezes without hanky takes matters into his own hands.

The trouble with being punctual is that nobody’s there to appreciate it.

Laugh and the world laughs with you, cry and you must blow your own nose.

A penny saved is not much

Don’t bite the hand that looks dirty.

A miss is as good as a Mister.