Let’s make our day better with some great funny quotes and sayings. I will appreciate if you choose your favorite and write it in a comment. Thank you!
A bus station is where a bus stops. A train station is where a train stops. On my desk, I have a work station…
When tempted to fight fire with fire, remember that the Fire Department usually uses water.
I go to bed late every night and I realize it was bad idea every morning.
I always wanted to be someone. I see now that I should have been more specific.
I don’t fail, I succeed in finding what does not work.
Women worry about the things that men forget. Men worry about the things that women remember.
Surprise sex is the best thing to wake up to, unless you’re in prison.
I’m not lazy, I’m just highly motivated not to do anything.
God must love stupid people. He made SO many.
Eventually people will realize that mistakes are meant for learning, not repeating.
When you’re sober you think twice before you speak, but when you’re drunk you speak twice before you think.
“If you’re going to be sexy in a photo, you’d better be thinking about sex rather than about being sexy.” – Peta Wilson
“There we were in the middle of a sexual revolution wearing clothes that guaranteed we wouldn’t get laid.” – Denis Leary
Do not argue with an idiot. He will drag you down to his level and beat you with experience.
I want to die peacefully in my sleep, like my grandfather.. Not screaming and yelling like the passengers in his car.
I asked God for a bike, but I know God doesn’t work that way. So I stole a bike and asked for forgiveness.
Sex is not the answer. Sex is the question. “Yes” is the answer.
Going to church doesn’t make you a Christian any more than standing in a garage makes you a car.
We live in a society where pizza gets to your house before the police.
Women might be able to fake orgasms. But men can fake a whole relationship.
The last thing I want to do is hurt you. But it’s still on the list.
Light travels faster than sound. This is why some people appear bright until you hear them speak.
If I agreed with you we’d both be wrong.
Men have two emotions: Hungry and Horny. If you see him without an erection, make him a sandwich.
We never really grow up, we only learn how to act in public.
War does not determine who is right – only who is left.
Knowledge is knowing a tomato is a fruit; Wisdom is not putting it in a fruit salad.
Children: You spend the first 2 years of their life teaching them to walk and talk. Then you spend the next 16 years telling them to sit down and shut-up.
Politicians and diapers have one thing in common. They should both be changed regularly, and for the same reason.
My mother never saw the irony in calling me a son-of-a-bitch.
Having sex is like playing bridge. If you don’t have a good partner, you’d better have a good hand.
The early bird might get the worm, but the second mouse gets the cheese.
Evening news is where they begin with ‘Good evening’, and then proceed to tell you why it isn’t.