Do not argue with an idiot. He will drag you down to his level and beat you with experience.
I want to die peacefully in my sleep, like my grandfather.. Not screaming and yelling like the passengers in his car.
I asked God for a bike, but I know God doesn’t work that way. So I stole a bike and asked for forgiveness.
Sex is not the answer. Sex is the question. “Yes” is the answer.
Going to church doesn’t make you a Christian any more than standing in a garage makes you a car.
We live in a society where pizza gets to your house before the police.
Women might be able to fake orgasms. But men can fake a whole relationship.
The last thing I want to do is hurt you. But it’s still on the list.
Light travels faster than sound. This is why some people appear bright until you hear them speak.
If I agreed with you we’d both be wrong.
Men have two emotions: Hungry and Horny. If you see him without an erection, make him a sandwich.
We never really grow up, we only learn how to act in public.
War does not determine who is right – only who is left.
Knowledge is knowing a tomato is a fruit; Wisdom is not putting it in a fruit salad.
Children: You spend the first 2 years of their life teaching them to walk and talk. Then you spend the next 16 years telling them to sit down and shut-up.
Politicians and diapers have one thing in common. They should both be changed regularly, and for the same reason.
My mother never saw the irony in calling me a son-of-a-bitch.
Having sex is like playing bridge. If you don’t have a good partner, you’d better have a good hand.
The early bird might get the worm, but the second mouse gets the cheese.
Evening news is where they begin with ‘Good evening’, and then proceed to tell you why it isn’t.
Some wonderful wisdom quotes and sayings for a great day :)
“The art of being wise is knowing what to overlook.” – William James
“What you are is what you have been, and what you will be is what you do now.” – The Buddha
“The seat of knowledge is in the head, of wisdom, in the heart.” – William Hazlitt
“No man is smart, except by comparison to those who know less.” – Edgar Watson Howe
“A wise man learns by the mistakes of others, a fool by his own.” – Latin Proverb
“Statistics are like a bikini. What they reveal is suggestive but what they conceal is vital.” – Aaron Levenstein
“Years teach us more than books.” – Berthold Auerbach
“The first step in the acquisition of wisdom is silence, the second listening, the third memory, the fourth practice, the fifth teaching others.” – Solomon Ibn Gabriol
“The man of wisdom is never of two minds; the man of benevolence never worries; the man of courage is never afraid.” – Confucius
“No man was ever wise by chance.” – Seneca
“Of all parts of wisdom the practice is the best.” – John Tillotson
“If you try you may fail, if you don’t try you’re guaranteed to fail.” – Jesse Jackson
“Enjoy when you can, and endure when you must.” – Johann Wolfgang von Goethe
“You can tell more about a person by what he says about others than you can by what others say about him.” – Leo Aikman
“Do what you can, with what you have, where you are.” –Theodore Roosevelt
“Look at everything as though you were seeing it either for the first or last time.” – Betty Smith
“Never explain. Your friends do not need it and your enemies will not believe it anyway.” – Elbert Hubbard
“To know the road ahead, ask those coming back.” – Chinese Proverb
“Be nice to people on your way up because you’ll need them on your way down.” – W. Migner
“There are two kinds of light – the glow that illuminates, and the glare that obscures.” – James Thurber
“Wisdom is found only in truth.” – Johann Wolfgang von Goethe
“Knowing others is wisdom, knowing yourself is enlightenment.” – Lao Tzu
“Don’t compromise yourself. You’re all you’ve got.” –Janis Joplin