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Funny Life Quotes

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Life without fun is nothing. Let me share with you a great piece of Funny Life Quotes. Please choose your favorite and write it on comments section. Thanks! :)

Funny Life Quotes

“The road to success is always under construction.”

“A bargain is something you can’t use at a price you can’t resist.” – Franklin P. Jones

“I totally take back all those times I didn’t want to nap when I was younger.”

“Tell someone there are 300 billion stars in the universe and they’ll believe you. Tell them a bench has wet paint on it and they’ll have to touch it to be sure.” – Murphy’s Law

“If you think something small can’t make a difference, try going to sleep with a mosquito in the room.”

“The only time a windshield wiper will work properly is when it’s holding a parking ticket.”

“How many times is it appropriate to say “What?” before you just nod and smile because you still didn’t hear or understand a word they said?”

“How is it that one match can start a forest fire, but it takes a whole box of matches to start a campfire?” – Christy Whitehead

“I know that you believe you understand what you think I said, but I’m not sure you realize that what you heard is not what I meant.” – Robert McCloskey

“The next time you think you’re perfect, try walking on water.”

“Sometimes I’ll look down at my watch 3 consecutive times and still not know what time it is.”

Funny Life Quotes“Even under ideal conditions people have trouble locating their car keys in a pocket, finding their cell phone, and Pinning the Tail on the Donkey – but I’d bet everyone can find and push the snooze button from 3 feet away, in about 1.7 seconds, eyes closed, first time, every time.”

“Why do they call it rush hour when nothing moves?”

“Bad decisions make good stories.”

“How is it that our memory is good enough to retain the least triviality that happens to us, and yet not good enough to recollect how often we have told it to the same person?” – François Duc de La Rochefoucauld

“I have six locks on my door all in a row. When I go out, I lock every other one. I figure no matter how long somebody stands there picking the locks, they are always locking three.”

“People who snore always fall asleep first.”

“The trouble with, “A place for everything and everything in its place” is that there’s always more everything than places.” – Robert Brault

“No one is listening until you pass gas.”

“Life was so much easier when your clothes didn’t match and boys had cooties!”

“You’ve reached middle age when all you exercise is caution.”

This is you list of Funny Life Quotes. Can you tell us who was your favorite? Although, if you got another funny quote that is not on the list, please tell.

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Rain Quotes

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I am no Poet here; my pen’s the spout where the rain water of my eyes run out. – John Cleveland

I believe in running through the rain and crashing into the person you love and having your lips bleed on each other. – Billy Bob Thornton

I can see clearly now, the rain is gone. I can see all obstacles in my way. – Johnny Nash

I commonly went ashore every day, either upon business, or to recreate myself in the fields, which were very pleasant, and the more for a shower of rain now and then, that ushers in the wet season. – William Dampier

I don’t believe in pessimism. If something doesn’t come up the way you want, forge ahead. If you think it’s going to rain, it will. – Clint Eastwood

I don’t consider myself a pessimist. I think of a pessimist as someone who is waiting for it to rain. And I feel soaked to the skin. – Leonard Cohen

I don’t know how you get dressed if you live in Wales, because it’s pouring rain and then it’s hot sunshine, and then it might hail. It’s just so confusing. – Piper Perabo

rain quotesI grew up in this town, my poetry was born between the hill and the river, it took its voice from the rain, and like the timber, it steeped itself in the forests. – Pablo Neruda

I grew up with the classics. My mom and I would sit and watch “Singin’ in the Rain” and “White Christmas” – those kind of movies. – Lucas Grabeel

I have never coasted down a hill of frozen rain. – Duke Kahanamoku

I have played in rain before. I have played in wind before. I have played in cold before, but not all put together. They were the hardest conditions I ever played in. – Michelle Wie

I like rain, actually. – Bill Rodgers

I love going to the feed store and drinking coffee and talking about how much rain we need. – Thomas Haden Church

I love the rain. I want the feeling of it on my face. – Katherine Mansfield

I mean, it’s been quite busy, especially with the rain delay the first few days, and then having to play the late evenings, waiting here every day. It’s been kind of difficult. – Daniela Hantuchova

I never played inside as a kid – even in the rain I’d go out. – Anthony Doerr

I ran my fastest marathon in the rain. – Bill Rodgers

I think fish is nice, but then I think that rain is wet, so who am I to judge? – Douglas Adams

I think it’s really important to use your hands and get close to materials. To be up close to real things like rain and mud; to have contact with nature. – Robin Day

I wanted to be a journalist, I thought it was glamorous and that I’d meet beautiful women in the rain. – Bill Nighy

Funny Quotes

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A child of five would understand this. Send someone to fetch a child of five. – Groucho Marx

A friend doesn’t go on a diet because you are fat. – Erma Bombeck

A James Cagney love scene is one where he lets the other guy live. – Bob Hope

A lot of baby boomers are baby bongers. – Kevin Nealon

A nickel ain’t worth a dime anymore. – Yogi Berra

A stockbroker urged me to buy a stock that would triple its value every year. I told him, “At my age, I don’t even buy green bananas.” – Claude Pepper

A successful man is one who makes more money than his wife can spend. A successful woman is one who can find such a man. – Lana Turner

A two-year-old is kind of like having a blender, but you don’t have a top for it. – Jerry Seinfeld

Funny QuotesA word to the wise ain’t necessary – it’s the stupid ones that need the advice. – Bill Cosby

All men are equal before fish. – Herbert Hoover

All right everyone, line up alphabetically according to your height. – Casey Stengel

Always end the name of your child with a vowel, so that when you yell the name will carry. – Bill Cosby

Any girl can be glamorous. All you have to do is stand still and look stupid. – Hedy Lamarr

Anyone who says he can see through women is missing a lot. – Groucho Marx

As a child my family’s menu consisted of two choices: take it or leave it. – Buddy Hackett

As I get older, I just prefer to knit. – Tracey Ullman

Be obscure clearly. – E. B. White

Because of their size, parents may be difficult to discipline properly. – P. J. O’Rourke

Behind every great man is a woman rolling her eyes. – Jim Carrey

Martha Graham Quotes

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Martha Graham was one of the best dancers and choreographers of all time. Today we celebrate his anniversary in our way, sharing Martha Graham Quotes.

‘Age’ is the acceptance of a term of years. But maturity is the glory of years.

Censorship is the height of vanity.

Dance is the hidden language of the soul of the body.

Every dance is a kind of fever chart, a graph of the heart.

Fire is the test of gold; adversity, of strong men.

First we have to believe, and then we believe.

Great dancers are not great because of their technique, they are great because of their passion.

I did not want to be a tree, a flower or a wave. In a dancer’s body, we as audience must see ourselves, not the imitated behavior of everyday actions, not the phenomenon of nature, not exotic creatures from another planet, but something of the miracle that is a human being.

Learn by practice.

Misery is a communicable disease.

No artist is ahead of his time. He is his time; it is just that others are behind the times.

Nothing is more revealing than movement.

Practice means to perform, over and over again in the face of all obstacles, some act of vision, of faith, of desire. Practice is a means of inviting the perfection desired.

Some men have thousands of reasons why they cannot do what they want to, when all they need is one reason why they can.

The body is a sacred garment.

The body is your instrument in dance, but your art is outside that creature, the body.

The body never lies.

The body says what words cannot.

The only sin is mediocrity.

Martha Graham QuotesTheater is a verb before it is a noun, an act before it is a place.

All things I do are in every woman. Every woman is Medea. Every woman is Jocasta. There comes a time when a woman is a mother to her husband. Clytemnestra is every woman when she kills.

You are unique, and if that is not fulfilled, then something has been lost.

Some men have thousands of reasons why they cannot do what they want to, when all they need is one reason why they can.

The body is a sacred garment.

There is a vitality, a life-force, an energy, a quickening that is translated through you into action and because there is only one of you in all of time, this expression is unique. And if you block it, it will never exist through any other medium and be lost.

Our arms start from the back because they were once wings.

No artist is ahead of his time. He is his time. It is just that the others are behind the time.

Dance is the hidden language of the soul.

Dancing is just discovery, discovery, discovery.

Nobody cares if you can’t dance well. Just get up and dance. Great dancers are not great because of their technique, they are great because of their passion.

Dance is a song of the body. Either of joy or pain.

I am absorbed in the magic of movement and light. Movement never lies. It is the magic of what I call the outer space of the imagination. There is a great deal of outer space, distant from our daily lives, where I feel our imagination wanders sometimes. It will find a planet or it will not find a planet, and that is what a dancer does.

We look at the dance to impart the sensation of living in an affirmation of life, to energize the spectator into keener awareness of the vigor, the mystery, the humor, the variety, and the wonder of life. This is the function of the American dance.

Think of the magic of that foot, comparatively small, upon which your whole weight rests. It’s a miracle, and the dance is a celebration of that miracle.

Dancing appears glamorous, easy, delightful. But the path to paradise of the achievement is not easier than any other. There is fatigue so great that the body cries, even in its sleep. There are times of complete frustration, there are daily small deaths.

We learn by practice. Whether it means to learn to dance by practicing dancing or to learn to live by practicing living, the principles are the same. One becomes in some area an athlete of God.

It takes ten years, usually, to make a dancer. It takes ten years of handling the instrument, handling the material with which you are dealing, for you to know it completely.

Misery is a communicable disease.

In 1980. a well-meaning fundraiser came to see me and said, “Miss Graham, the most powerful thing you have going for you to raise money is your respectability.” I wanted to spit. Respectable! Show me any artist who wants to be respectable.

I’m asked so often at ninety-six whether I believe in life after death. I do believe in the sanctity of life, the continuity of life and of energy. I know the anonimity of death has no appeal for me. It is the now that I must face and want to face.

Get Over Yourself Quotes

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A great list with Get Over Yourself Quotes is the best cure for a bad day. Motivate yourself using our quotes :)

The best way to find yourself is to lose yourself in the service of others. – Mohandas (Mahatma) Gandhi

Forgive yourself for your faults and your mistakes and move on. – Les Brown

It is better to conquer yourself than to win a thousand battles. Then the victory is yours. It cannot be taken from you, not by angels or by demons, heaven or hell. – The Buddha

The more you lose yourself in something bigger than yourself, the more energy you will have. – Norman Vincent Peale

Be miserable. Or motivate yourself. Whatever has to be done, it’s always your choice. – Wayne Dyer

The best way to cheer yourself up is to try to cheer somebody else up. – Mark Twain

Surround yourself with only people who are going to lift you higher. – Oprah Winfrey

Get Over Yourself Quotes

Get Over It Quotes

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My Mama always said you’ve got to put the past behind you before you can move on. – The Movie Forrest Gump

You are responsible for your life. You can’t keep blaming somebody else for your  dysfunction. Life is really about moving on. – Oprah Winfrey

Get mad, then get over it. – Colin Powell

Vitality shows in not only the ability to persist but the ability to start over. – F. Scott Fitzgerald

Holding on to anger is like grasping a hot coal with the intent of throwing it at someone else; you are the one who gets burned. – The Buddha

The weak can never forgive. Forgiveness is the attribute of the strong. – Mohandas Gandhi

Laugh when you can, apologize when you should, and let go of what you can’t change. Life’s too short to be anything… but happy. – Anonymous

Some of us think holding on makes us strong; but sometimes it is letting go. – Hermann Hesse

We must be willing to get rid of the life we’ve planned, so as to have the life that is waiting for us. The old skin has to be shed before the new one can come. – Joseph Campbell

Get over It QuotesSelf-pity is our worst enemy and if we yield to it, we can never do anything wise in this world. – Helen Keller

So what do we do? Anything. Something. So long as we just don’t sit there. If we screw it up, start over. Try something else. If we wait until we’ve satisfied all the uncertainties, it may be too late. – Lee Iacocca

Keep on beginning and failing. Each time you fail, start all over again, and you will grow stronger until you have accomplished a purpose – not the one you began with perhaps, but one you’ll be glad to remember. – Anne Sullivan

You must do the things you think you cannot do. – Eleanor Roosevelt

You have to accept whatever comes and the only important thing is that you meet it with courage and with the best that you have to give. – Eleanor Roosevelt

With the new day comes new strength and new thoughts. – Eleanor Roosevelt

 

It is only through labor and painful effort, by grim energy and resolute courage, that we move on to better things. – Theodore Roosevelt

Laughter gives us distance. It allows us to step back from an event, deal with it and then move on. – Bob Newhart

People can be more forgiving than you can imagine. But you have to forgive yourself. Let go of what’s bitter and move on. – Bill Cosby

Insanity is doing the same thing over and over again and expecting different results. – Albert Einstein

To change ones life: Start immediately. Do it flamboyantly. – William James

When I let go of what I am, I become what I might be. – Lao Tzu

If you don’t like something, change it. If you can’t change it, change your attitude. – Maya Angelou

Letting go doesn’t mean giving up… it means moving on. – Anonymous

Courage doesn’t always roar. Sometimes courage is the quiet voice at the end of the day saying, “I will try again tomorrow.” – Mary Anne Radmacher

When one door of happiness closes, another opens, but often we look so long at the closed door that we do not see the one that has been opened for us. – Helen Keller

Life is not about waiting for the storms to pass… It’s about learning how to dance in the rain. – Vivian Greene

God grant me the serenity to accept the things I cannot change; Courage to change the things I can; And wisdom to know the difference. – Reinhold Niebuhr

We keep moving forward, opening new doors, and doing new things, because we’re curious and curiosity keeps leading us down new paths. – Walt Disney

To go against the dominant thinking of your friends, of most of the people you see every day, is perhaps the most difficult act of heroism you can perform. – Theodore H. White

Before moving on, you have to clear away your cherished beliefs. – Dick Raymond

How do geese know when to fly to the sun? Who tells them the seasons? How do we, humans know when it is time to move on? As with the migrant birds, so surely with us, there is a voice within if only we would listen to it, that tells us certainly when to go forth into the unknown. – Elisabeth Kubler-Ross