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Dilbert Quotes

Posted on February 26, 2011 by

1. I can only please one person per day. Today is not your day. Tomorrow is not looking good either.
2. I love deadlines. I especially like the whooshing sound they make as they go flying by.
3. Tell me what you need, and I’ll tell you how to get along without it.
4. Accept that some days you are the pigeon and some days the statue.
5. Needing someone is like needing a parachute. If he isn’t there the first time, chances are you won’t be needing him again.
6. I DON’T HAVE AN ATTITUDE PROBLEM, YOU HAVE A PERCEPTION PROBLEM.
7. Last night I lay in bed looking up at the stars in the sky, and I thought to myself, “where the heck is the ceiling?”
8. My reality cheque bounced.
9. On the keyboard of life, always keep one finger on the escape key.
10. I don’t suffer from stress. I am a carrier.
11. You are slower than a herd of turtles stampeding through peanut butter.
12. Do not meddle in the affairs of dragons, because you are crunchy and taste good with ketchup.
13. Everybody is somebody else’s weirdo.
14. Never argue with idiots. They drag you down to their level, and then beat you with experience.
15. A pat on the back is only a few inches from a kick in the butt.
16. Don’t be irreplaceable. If you can’t be replaced, you can’t be promoted.
17. After any salary raise, you will have less money at the end of the month than you did before.
18. The more crap you put up with, the more crap you are going to get.
19. You can go anywhere you want if you look serious and carry a clipboard.
20. Eat one live toad the first thing in the morning and nothing worse will happen to you the rest of the day.
21. If it wasn’t for the last minute, nothing would get done.
22. When you don’t know what to do, walk fast and look worried.
23. Following the rules will not get the job done.
24. When confronted by a difficult problem, you can solve it more easily by reducing it to the question, “How would the Lone Ranger handle this?”
25. Only the mediocre are at their best all the time.
26. There’s a fine line between genius and insanity. I have erased this line.
27. Bring ideas in and entertain them royally, for one of them may be the king.
28. If at first you don’t succeed……skydiving isn’t for you.
29. Life is a waste of time; time is a waste of life, so get wasted all of the time and have the time of your life.
30. When everything is coming your way……you’re in the wrong lane.

William Arthur Ward Quotes

Posted on February 23, 2011February 23, 2011 by

William Arthur Ward was an American writer. I love his quotes, and I hope you will love them too. All you’ve got to do is to sit down, and enjoy his great William Arthur Ward Quotes.

A cloudy day is no match for a sunny disposition.

A true friend knows your weaknesses but shows you your strengths; feels your fears but fortifies your faith; sees your anxieties but frees your spirit; recognizes your disabilities but emphasizes your possibilities.

A warm smile is the universal language of kindness.

A well-developed sense of humor is the pole that adds balance to your steps as you walk the tightrope of life.

Adversity causes some men to break; others to break records.

Before you speak, listen.

Before you write, think.

Before you spend, earn.

Before you invest, investigate.

Before you criticize, wait.

Before you pray, forgive.

Before you quit, try.

Before you retire, save.

Before you die, give.

Change, like sunshine, can be a friend or a foe, a blessing or a curse, a dawn or a dusk.

Curiosity is the wick in the candle of learning.

Do more than belong: participate. Do more than care: help. Do more than believe: practice. Do more than be fair: be kind. Do more than forgive: forget. Do more than dream: work.

Feeling gratitude and not expressing it is like wrapping a present and not giving it.

Flatter me, and I may not believe you. Criticize me, and I may not like you. Ignore me, and I may not forgive you. Encourage me, and I will not forget you. Love me and I may be forced to love you.

Forgiveness is a funny thing. It warms the heart and cools the sting.

Four steps to achievement: Plan purposefully. Prepare prayerfully. Proceed positively. Pursue persistently.

God gave you a gift of 86,400 seconds today. Have you used one to say “thank you?”

Happiness is an inside job.

Humanity either makes, or breeds, or tolerates all its afflictions.

If you can imagine it,You can achieve it.If you can dream it,You can become it.

It is wise to direct your anger towards problems – not people; to focus your energies on answers – not excuses.

Lose yourself in generous service and every day can be a most unusual day, a triumphant day, an abundantly rewarding day!

Opportunities are like sunrises. If you wait too long, you miss them.

Opportunity is often difficult to recognize; we usually expect it to beckon us with beepers and billboards.

Study while others are sleeping; work while others are loafing; prepare while others are playing; and dream while others are wishing.

The mediocre teacher tells. The good teacher explains. The superior teacher demonstrates. The great teacher inspires.

The more generous we are, the more joyous we become. The more cooperative we are, the more valuable we become. The more enthusiastic we are, the more productive we become. The more serving we are, the more prosperous we become.

The pessimist complains about the wind; the optimist expects it to change; the realist adjusts the sails.

To make mistakes is human; to stumble is commonplace; to be able to laugh at yourself is maturity.

Today is a most unusual day, because we have never lived it before; we will never live it again; it is the only day we have.

We can learn much from wise words, little from wisecracks, and less from wise guys.

When we seek to discover the best in others, we somehow bring out the best in ourselves.

Wise are they who have learned these truths: Trouble is temporary. Time is tonic. Tribulation is a test tube.

Wise are those who learn that the bottom line doesn’t always have to be their top priority