Tag: Ambrose Bierce

20 Humor Quotes

Posted on July 10, 2012 by

1. If it weren’t for my lawyer, I’d still be in prison. It went a lot faster with two people digging. —Joe Martin

2. Acquaintance, n.: A person whom we know well enough to borrow from, but not well enough to lend to. —Ambrose Bierce

3. I like long walks, especially when they are taken by people who annoy me. —Noel Coward

4. The difference between death and taxes is death doesn’t get worse every time Congress meets. —Will Rogers

5. You know you’re getting old when you stop to tie your shoelaces and wonder what else you could do while you’re down there. —George Burns

6. Time flies like an arrow; fruit flies like a banana. —Groucho Marx

7. Those are my principles. If you don’t like them I have others.—Groucho Marx

8. Somewhere on this globe, every ten seconds, there is a woman giving birth to a child. She must be found and stopped. —Sam Levenson

9. Quidquid latine dictum sit, altum sonatur. —Unknown Author

10. The most remarkable thing about my mother is that for thirty years she served the family nothing but leftovers. The original meal has never been found. —Calvin Trillin

11. The tooth fairy teaches children that they can sell body parts for money. —David Richerby

12. My friends tell me I have an intimacy problem. But they don’t really know me. —Garry Shandling

13. I don’t deserve this award, but I have arthritis and I don’t deserve that either. —Jack Benny

14. I always wanted to be somebody, but now I realize I should have been more specific. —Lily Tomlin

15. If God wanted us to fly, He would have given us tickets. —Mel Brooks

16. If I only had a little humility, I’d be perfect. —Ted Turner

17. When I read about the evils of drinking, I gave up reading. —Henny Youngman

18. The secret of life is honesty and fair dealing. If you can fake that, you’ve got it made. —Groucho Marx

19. Hofstadter’s Law: It always takes longer than you expect, even when you take into account Hofstadter’s Law. —Douglas Hofstadter

20. Honest criticism is hard to take, particularly from a relative, a friend, an acquaintance, or a stranger. —Franklin P. Jones

Funny Anger Quotes

Posted on October 22, 2011October 22, 2011 by

Let me make your day better with some funny anger quotes selected just for you.

If a small thing has the power to make you angry, does that not indicate something about your size? – Sydney J. Harris

Get mad, then get over it. – Colin Powell

Resentment is like taking poison and waiting for the other person to die. – Malachy McCourt

Next time you’re mad, try dancing out your anger. – Sweetpea Tyler

Malice drinks one-half of its own poison. – Seneca

When angry, count four; when very angry, swear. – Mark Twain

The worst-tempered people I’ve ever met were people who knew they were wrong. – Wilson Mizner

If you would cure anger, do not feed it. Say to yourself: ‘I used to be angry every day; then every other day; now only every third or fourth day.’ When you reach thirty days offer a sacrifice of thanksgiving to the gods. – Epictetus

Anger is never without a reason, but seldom with a good one. – Albert Einstein

Speak when you are angry and you will make the best speech you will ever regret. – Ambrose Bierce

I will permit no man to narrow and degrade my soul by making me hate him. – Booker T. Washington

You cannot shake hands with a clenched fist. – Golda Meir

Anger: an acid that can do more harm to the vessel in which it is stored than to anything on which it is poured – Lucius Annaeus Seneca

Expressing anger is a form of public littering. – Willard Gaylin

Keep cool; anger is not an argument. – Daniel Webster

Anger should never be an overnight guest. – Neal A. Maxwell

He is a fool who cannot be angry; – Seneca

Flying off the handle sometimes causes hammers and humans to lose their heads, as well as their effectiveness. – William Arthur Ward

People who fly into a rage always make a bad landing. – Will Rogers

Can you, please, choose your favorite and write it down in the comments section? Thank you!

Bread Quotes

Posted on September 11, 2011 by

A loaf of bread, a jug of wine, and thou. – Omar Khayyam

A person who steals bread during a famine is not treated as a thief. – Cat Stevens

A poor man with nothing in his belly needs hope, illusion, more than bread. – Georges Bernanos

A wise and frugal government, which shall leave men free to regulate their own pursuits of industry and improvement, and shall not take from the mouth of labor the bread it has earned – this is the sum of good government. – Thomas Jefferson

Acorns were good until bread was found. – Francis Bacon

Advertising is the ‘wonder’ in Wonder Bread. – Jef I. Richards

Also see how many quarters of corn you will spend in a week in dispensable bread, how much in alms. – Robert Grosseteste

And that’s really what’s happening in this country is a violation of the First Commandment. We have become a country entrenched in idolatry, and that idolatry is the dependency upon our government. We’re supposed to depend upon God for our protection and our provision and for our daily bread, not for our government. – Sharron Angle

Anytime a person goes into a delicatessen and orders a pastrami on white bread, somewhere a Jew dies. – Milton Berle

Art is our chief means of breaking bread with the dead. – W. H. Auden

At my age, I don’t buy but a half a loaf of bread, you know? – Merle Haggard

Bread for myself is a material question. Bread for my neighbor is a spiritual one. – Nikolai Berdyaev

Business underlies everything in our national life, including our spiritual life. Witness the fact that in the Lord’s Prayer, the first petition is for daily bread. No one can worship God or love his neighbor on an empty stomach. – Woodrow Wilson

But bread is different. I come from Czechoslovakia, where we eat lots of it, so it’s hard to say no. I can’t even have one piece, because when I start, I don’t stop. – Daniela Pestova

Christ made the bread the sacrament of his body only: wherefore as the bread is no similitude of his blood, so am I not bound or ought to affirm, that his blood is there present. – William Tyndale

Compromise used to mean that half a loaf was better than no bread. Among modern statesmen it really seems to mean that half a loaf; is better than a whole loaf. – Gilbert K. Chesterton

Damn the sword! When Virginia wanted a sword, I gave her one. Now she sends me a toy! I require bread! – George Rogers Clark

Deliberation, n.: The act of examining one’s bread to determine which side it is buttered on. – Ambrose Bierce

Each man must have his I; it is more necessary to him than bread; and if he does not find scope for it within the existing institutions he will be likely to make trouble. – Charles Horton Cooley

Eaten bread is forgotten. – Thomas Fuller

August Love Quotes

Posted on August 21, 2011 by

“Love is like swallowing hot chocolate before it has cooled off. It takes you by surprise at first, but keeps you warm for a long time.” ~ Unknown

“Absence sharpens love, presence strengthens it.” ~Thomas Fuller

“Love is blind but after experiencing it for a long time you should become familiar with some particular spots.” ~Unknown

“Romance is the fuel that keeps love burning hot.” ~Rusty Silvey

“Two souls with but a single thought, two hearts that beat as one.” ~John Keats

“The most powerful symptom of love is a tenderness which becomes at times almost insupportable.” ~Victor Hugo

“Love – a bare whisper that makes your body ignite with such uncontrollable curiosity.” ~Unknown

“Love is like a piece of art work, even the smallest bit can be so beautiful.” ~ Stacie Cunningham

“I love you; not only for what you are, but for what I am when I am with you.” ~ Roy Croft

“Take away love, and our earth is a tomb.” ~ Robert Browning

“I love thee to the depth and breadth and height my soul can reach…” ~Elizabeth Barrett Browning

“The closer I’m bound in love to you, the closer I am to free.” ~Robert G. Ingersoll

“Those who love deeply never grow old.” ~Anonymous

“In dreams and in love there are no impossibilities.” ~Janos Arnay

Someone sent me this, “He is the only reason I get up in the mornings” ~Unknown

“There can be no happiness equal to the joy of finding a heart that understands.”~Victor Robinson

“The only true gift is a portion of yourself.” ~Ralph Waldo Emerson

“Love is just a word until it is proven to you.” ~Unknown

“In the arithmetic of love, one plus one equals everything, and two minus one equals nothing.” ~Mignon McLaughlin

“Love and marriage, love and marriage go together like a horse and carriage. Dad was told by mother. You can’t have one without the other.” ~Sammy Cahn

“Love is the master key that opens the gates of happiness.” ~Oliver Wendell Holmes

“At the touch of love everyone becomes a poet.” ~Plato

“Love is a choice you make from moment to moment.” ~Barbara De Angelis

“Friendship is certainly the finest balm for the pangs of disappointed love.” ~Jane Austen

“You can’t put a price tag on love, but you can on all its accessories.” ~Melanie Clark

“She walks in Beauty, like the night
Of cloudless climes and starry skies,
And all that’s best of dark and bright
Meet in her aspect and her eyes…” ~ Lord Byron

“Love is the triumph of imagination over intelligence.” ~H. L. Mencken

“True love comes quietly, without banners or flashing lights. If you hear bells, get your ears checked.” ~Erich Segal

“We can only learn to love by loving.” ~Iris Murdoch

“It is impossible to love and be wise.” ~ Francis Bacon

“A kiss is a lovely trick designed by nature to stop speech when words become superfluous.” ~Ingrid Bergman

“Gravitation is not responsible for people falling in love.” ~Albert Einstein

“Love: a temporary insanity, curable by marriage.” ~Ambrose Bierce

“Marriage marks the end of many short follies – being one long stupidity.” ~ Friedrich Nietzsche

Immature love says, “I love you because I need you.” Mature love says, “I need you because I love you.” ~Erich Fromm

“That Love is all there is, Is all we know of Love.” ~Emily Dickinson

“And in the end, it’s not the years in your life that count. It’s the life in your years.” ~ Abraham Lincoln

“Because I have loved life, I shall have no sorrow to die.” ~Amelia Burr

“When love is in excess it brings a man no honor nor worthiness.” ~Euripides

Advice Quotes

Posted on May 3, 2011 by

“Don’t compromise yourself. You are all you’ve got” – Janis Joplin

“Speak when you are angry and you will make the best speech you will ever regret” – Ambrose Bierce

“Be who you are and say what you feel, because those who mind don’t matter and those who matter don’t mind. ~Dr. Seuss

“Talent is God given. Be humble. Fame is man-given. Be grateful. Conceit is self-given. Be careful.” – John R. Wooden

“You will face many defeats in your life, but never let yourself be defeated”– Maya Angelou

Never tell your problems to anyone…20% don’t care and the other 80% are glad you have them. –Lou Holtz

When tempted to fight fire with fire, remember that the fire department generally uses water. –Unknown

Never regret. If it’s good, it’s wonderful. If it’s bad, it’s experience –Victoria Holt

Quotes to Inspire

Posted on April 10, 2011 by

Let me show you a huge collection of Quotes to Inspire. Please take time and read all of them, select your favorite, and share with all your friends. Be happy! :)

“Twenty years from now you will be more disappointed by the things you didn’t do than by the things you did. So throw off the bowlines. Sail away from the safe harbor. . . . Explore. Dream.” – Mark Twain

“One’s mind, once stretched by a new idea, never regains its original dimensions.” – Oliver Wendell Holmes, Sr.

“Thinking too well of people often allows them to be better than they otherwise would.” – Nelson Mandela

“It is not the strongest of the species that survive, nor the most intelligent, but the one most responsive to change.” – Charles Darwin

“Your assumptions are your windows on the world. Scrub them off every once in a while, or the light won’t come in.” – Isaac Asimov

“Success is to be measured not so much by the position that one has reached in life as by the obstacles which he has overcome while trying to succeed.” – Booker T. Washington

“The man who views the world at 50 the same as he did at 20 has wasted 30 years of his life.” – Muhammad Ali

“The normal and the stigmatized are not persons, but perspectives.” – Erving Goffman

“Thinking too well of people often allows them to be better than they otherwise would be.” – Nelson Mandela

“If you don’t like something, change it. If you can’t change it, change your attitude.” – Maya Angelou

“Never doubt that a small group of thoughtful, committed citizens can change the world. Indeed, it is the only thing that ever has.” – Margaret Mead

“One can never pay in gratitude; one can only pay ‘in kind’ somewhere else in life.” – Anne Morrow Lindbergh

“Ask yourself what makes you come alive, and go do that, because what the world needs is people who have come alive.” – Howard Thurman

“Until you make peace with who you are, you’ll never be content with what you have.” – Doris Mortman

“Let us be a little humble; let us think that the truth may not perhaps be entirely with us.” – Jawaharlal Nehru

“Make it your business to know yourself, which is the most difficult lesson in the world.” – Miguel De Cervantes

“To live a creative life we must lose our fear of being wrong.” – Joseph Chilton Pearce

”Though no one can go back and make a brand new start, anyone can start from now and make a brand new ending.” –
Carl Bard

“Everything should be made as simple as possible, but not simpler.” – Albert Einstein

”Sometimes our light goes out but is blown into flame by another human being. Each of us owes deepest thanks to those who have rekindled this light.” – Albert Schweitzer

”The ultimate measure of a man is not where he stands in moments of comfort and convenience, but where he stands at times of challenge and controversy.” – Martin Luther King Jr.

”Don’t judge each day by the harvest you reap, but by the seeds you plant.” – Robert Louis Stevenson

”Happiness is when what you think, what you say, and what you do are in harmony.” – Mahatma Gandhi

“I know of no more encouraging fact than the unquestionable ability of man to elevate his life by conscious endeavor.” – Henry David Thoreau

”The secret of happiness is not doing what one likes to do, but in liking what one has to do.” – Sir James M. Barrie

“In a time of drastic change it is the learners who inherit the future. The learned usually find themselves equipped to live in a world that no longer exists.” – Eric Hoffer

“He who asks is a fool for five minutes, but he who does not ask remains a fool forever.” – Chinese Proverb

“If you think you are too small to be effective, you have never been in the dark with a mosquito.” – Betty Reese

”The journey of discovery begins not with new vistas but with having new eyes with which to behold them.” – Marcel Proust

”The best way to have a good idea is to have lots of ideas.” – Linus Pauling

“Tell me I’ll forget, show me, I may remember, but involve me and I’ll understand. – Chinese Proverb

”Start by doing what’s necessary; then do what’s possible; and suddenly you are doing the impossible.” – St. Francis of Assisi

”The tragedy of life doesn’t lie in not reaching your goal. The tragedy lies in having no goal to reach.” – Benjamin Mays

“A good head and a good heart are always a formidable combination.” – Nelson Mandela

“Finish each day and be done with it. You have done what you could. Some blunders and absurdities no doubt crept in; forget them as soon as you can. Tomorrow is a new day; begin it well and serenely and with too high a spirit to be encumbered with your old nonsense.” – Ralph Waldo Emerson

“It is not easy to find happiness in ourselves, and it is not possible to find it elsewhere.” – Agnes Repplier

“If you put a small value upon yourself, rest assured that the world will not raise your price.” – Anonymous

“The definition of a bore: a person of low taste, more interested in himself than in me.” – Ambrose Bierce

”To think is easy. To act is hard. But the hardest thing in the world is to act in accordance with your thinking.” – Johann von Goethe

“People demand freedom of speech to make up for the freedom of thought which they avoid.” – Soren Kierkegaard

”Success usually comes to those who are too busy to be looking for it “ – Henry David Thoreau

“When one door closes another door opens; but we often look so long and so regretfully upon the closed door, that we do not see the ones which open for us.” – Alexander Graham Bell

“If you love somebody, let them go, for if they return, they were always yours. And if they don’t, they never were.” – Kahlil Gibran

”Your vision will become clear only when you look into your heart. Who looks outside, dreams. Who looks inside, awakens.” – Carl Jung

”Friendship with one’s self is all important, because without it one cannot be friends with anyone else in the world.” – Eleanor Roosevelt

”Life isn’t about finding yourself. Life is about creating yourself.” – George Bernard Shaw

”I find that the harder I work, the more luck I seem to have.” – Thomas Jefferson

”First they ignore you, then they laugh at you, then they fight you, then you win.” – Mahatma Gandhi

”Some cause happiness wherever they go; others, whenever they go.” – Oscar Wilde

”The significant problems we face cannot be solved at the same level of thinking we were at when we created them.” – Albert Einstein

April Fool’s Day Quotes

Posted on March 31, 2011 by

April Fool’s Day is here. Let’s celebrate it with some useful April Fool’s Day Quotes.

April 1. This is the day upon which we are reminded of what we are on the other three hundred and sixty-four. ~Mark Twain, Pudd’nhead Wilson, 1894

April fool, n. The March fool with another month added to his folly. ~Ambrose Bierce, The Devil’s Dictionary

Fool me once, shame on you; fool me twice, shame on me. ~Chinese Proverb

Forgive, O Lord, my little jokes on Thee,
And I’ll forgive Thy great big one on me. ~Robert Frost, “Cluster of Faith,” 1962

He who is born a fool is never cured. ~Proverb

Let us be thankful for the fools. But for them the rest of us could not succeed. ~Mark Twain

If every fool wore a crown, we should all be kings. ~Welsh Proverb

I hope life isn’t a big joke, because I don’t get it. ~Jack Handey

We’re fools whether we dance or not, so we might as well dance. ~Japanese Proverb

You can fool all the people some of the time, and some of the people all the time, but you cannot fool all the people all the time. ~Abraham Lincoln

Even the gods love jokes. ~Plato

The trouble with practical jokes is that very often they get elected. ~Will Rogers

A man always blames the woman who fools him. In the same way he blames the door he walks into in the dark. ~Henry Louis Mencken

A common mistake that people make when trying to design something completely foolproof is to underestimate the ingenuity of complete fools. ~Douglas Adams

It is the ability to take a joke, not make one, that proves you have a sense of humor. ~Max Eastman

Don’t give cherries to pigs or advice to fools. ~Irish Proverb

A sense of humor is the ability to understand a joke-and that the joke is oneself. ~Clifton Paul Fadiman

It is better to weep with wise men than to laugh with fools. ~Spanish Proverb

I have great faith in fools – self-confidence, my friends call it. ~Edgar Allan Poe

The aim of a joke is not to degrade the human being, but to remind him that he is already degraded. ~George Orwell

Men reach their sexual peak at eighteen. Women reach theirs at thirty-five. Do you get the feeling that God is playing a practical joke? ~Rita Rudner

Suppose the world were only one of God’s jokes, would you work any the less to make it a good joke instead of a bad one? ~George Bernard Shaw

Real friends are those who, when you feel you’ve made a fool of yourself, don’t feel you’ve done a permanent job. ~Author Unknown

One thing kids like is to be tricked. For instance, I was going to take my little nephew to Disneyland, but instead I drove him to an old burned-out warehouse. “Oh, no,” I said. “Disneyland burned down.” He cried and cried, but I think that deep down, he thought it was a pretty good joke. I started to drive over to the real Disneyland, but it was getting pretty late. ~Jack Handey

Famous People Quotes #6

Posted on March 27, 2011 by

“The instinct of nearly all societies is to lock up anybody who is truly free. First, society begins by trying to beat you up. If this fails, they try to poison you. If this fails too, they finish by loading honors on your head.” – Jean Cocteau (1889-1963)

“Everyone is a genius at least once a year; a real genius has his original ideas closer together.” – Georg Lichtenberg (1742-1799)

“Success usually comes to those who are too busy to be looking for it” – Henry David Thoreau (1817-1862)

“While we are postponing, life speeds by.” – Seneca (3BC – 65AD)

“Where are we going, and why am I in this handbasket?” – Bumper Sticker

“God, please save me from your followers!” – Bumper Sticker

“Fill what’s empty, empty what’s full, and scratch where it itches.” – The Duchess of Windsor, when asked what is the secret of a long and happy life

“First they ignore you, then they laugh at you, then they fight you, then you win.” – Mahatma Gandhi (1869-1948)

“Luck is the residue of design.” – Branch Rickey – former owner of the Brooklyn Dodger Baseball Team

“Tragedy is when I cut my finger. Comedy is when you walk into an open sewer and die.” – Mel Brooks

“Most people would sooner die than think; in fact, they do so.” – Bertrand Russell (1872-1970)

“Wit is educated insolence.” – Aristotle (384-322 B.C.)

“My advice to you is get married: if you find a good wife you’ll be happy; if not, you’ll become a philosopher.” – Socrates (470-399 B.C.)

“Advice is what we ask for when we already know the answer but wish we didn’t” – Erica Jong (1942-)

“Show me a woman who doesn’t feel guilty and I’ll show you a man.” – Erica Jong (1942-)

“I’ve learned that people will forget what you said, people will forget what you did, but people will never forget how you made them feel.” – Maya Angelou (1928-)

“Egotist: a person more interested in himself than in me.” – Ambrose Bierce (1842-1914)

“A narcissist is someone better looking than you are.” – Gore Vidal

“Wise men make proverbs, but fools repeat them.” – Samuel Palmer (1805-80)

“It has become appallingly obvious that our technology has exceeded our humanity.” – Albert Einstein (1879-1955)

“The secret of success is to know something nobody else knows.” – Aristotle Onassis (1906-1975)

“Sometimes when reading Goethe I have the paralyzing suspicion that he is trying to be funny.” – Guy Davenport

“When you have to kill a man, it costs nothing to be polite.” – Sir Winston Churchill (1874-1965)

Famous People Quotes #4

Posted on March 25, 2011 by

“He who has a ‘why’ to live, can bear with almost any ‘how’.” – Friedrich Nietzsche (1844-1900)

“Many wealthy people are little more than janitors of their possessions.” – Frank Lloyd Wright (1868-1959)

“I’m all in favor of keeping dangerous weapons out of the hands of fools. Let’s start with typewriters.” – Frank Lloyd Wright (1868-1959)

“Some cause happiness wherever they go; others, whenever they go.” – Oscar Wilde (1854-1900)

“God is a comedian playing to an audience too afraid to laugh.” – Voltaire (1694-1778)

“He is one of those people who would be enormously improved by death.” – H. H. Munro (Saki) (1870-1916)

“I am ready to meet my Maker. Whether my Maker is prepared for the great ordeal of meeting me is another matter.” – Sir Winston Churchill (1874-1965)

“I shall not waste my days in trying to prolong them.” – Ian L. Fleming (1908-1964)

“If you can count your money, you don’t have a billion dollars.” – J. Paul Getty (1892-1976)

“Facts are the enemy of truth.” – Don Quixote – “Man of La Mancha”

“When you do the common things in life in an uncommon way, you will command the attention of the world.” – George Washington Carver (1864-1943)

“How wrong it is for a woman to expect the man to build the world she wants, rather than to create it herself.” – Anais Nin (1903-1977)

“I have not failed. I’ve just found 10,000 ways that won’t work.” – Thomas Alva Edison (1847-1931)

“I begin by taking. I shall find scholars later to demonstrate my perfect right.” – Frederick (II) the Great

“Maybe this world is another planet’s Hell.” – Aldous Huxley (1894-1963)

“Blessed is the man, who having nothing to say, abstains from giving wordy evidence of the fact.” – George Eliot (1819-1880)

“Once you eliminate the impossible, whatever remains, no matter how improbable, must be the truth.”
– Sherlock Holmes (by Sir Arthur Conan Doyle, 1859-1930)

“Black holes are where God divided by zero.” – Steven Wright

“I’ve had a wonderful time, but this wasn’t it.” – Groucho Marx (1895-1977)

“It’s kind of fun to do the impossible.” – Walt Disney (1901-1966)

“We didn’t lose the game; we just ran out of time.” – Vince Lombardi

“The optimist proclaims that we live in the best of all possible worlds, and the pessimist fears this is true.” – James Branch Cabell

“A friendship founded on business is better than a business founded on friendship.” – John D. Rockefeller (1874-1960)

“All are lunatics, but he who can analyze his delusion is called a philosopher.” – Ambrose Bierce (1842-1914)

“You can only find truth with logic if you have already found truth without it.” – Gilbert Keith Chesterton (1874-1936)

“An inconvenience is only an adventure wrongly considered; an adventure is an inconvenience rightly considered.” – Gilbert Keith Chesterton (1874-1936)

“I have come to believe that the whole world is an enigma, a harmless enigma that is made terrible by our own mad attempt to interpret it as though it had an underlying truth.” – Umberto Eco

“Be nice to people on your way up because you meet them on your way down.” – Jimmy Durante

“The true measure of a man is how he treats someone who can do him absolutely no good.” – Samuel Johnson (1709-1784)

“A people that values its privileges above its principles soon loses both.” – Dwight D. Eisenhower (1890-1969), Inaugural Address, January 20, 1953

“The significant problems we face cannot be solved at the same level of thinking we were at when we created them.” – Albert Einstein (1879-1955)

Famous People Quotes #10

Posted on February 16, 2011 by

“The longer I live the more I see that I am never wrong about anything, and that all the pains that I have so humbly taken to verify my notions have only wasted my time.” – George Bernard Shaw (1856-1950)

“Silence is argument carried out by other means.” – Ernesto”Che”Guevara (1928-1967)

“Well done is better than well said.” – Benjamin Franklin (1706-1790)

“The average person thinks he isn’t.” – Father Larry Lorenzoni

“Heav’n hath no rage like love to hatred turn’d, Nor Hell a fury, like a woman scorn’d.” – William Congreve (1670-1729)

“A husband is what is left of the lover after the nerve has been extracted.” – Helen Rowland (1876-1950)

“Learning is what most adults will do for a living in the 21st century.” – Lewis Perelman

“Dogma is the sacrifice of wisdom to consistency.” – Lewis Perelman

“Sometimes it is not enough to do our best; we must do what is required.” – Sir Winston Churchill (1874-1965)

“The man who goes alone can start today; but he who travels with another must wait till that other is ready.” – Henry David Thoreau (1817-1862)

“There is a country in Europe where multiple-choice tests are illegal.” – Sigfried Hulzer

“Ask her to wait a moment – I am almost done.” – Carl Friedrich Gauss (1777-1855), while working, when informed that his wife is dying

“A pessimist sees the difficulty in every opportunity; an optimist sees the opportunity in every difficulty.” – Sir Winston Churchill (1874-1965)

“I think there is a world market for maybe five computers.” – Thomas Watson (1874-1956), Chairman of IBM, 1943

“I think it would be a good idea.” – Mahatma Gandhi (1869-1948), when asked what he thought of Western civilization

“The only thing necessary for the triumph of evil is for good men to do nothing.” – Edmund Burke (1729-1797)

“I’m not a member of any organized political party, I’m a Democrat!” – Will Rogers (1879-1935)

“If stupidity got us into this mess, then why can’t it get us out?” – Will Rogers (1879-1935)

“The backbone of surprise is fusing speed with secrecy.” – Von Clausewitz (1780-1831)

“Democracy does not guarantee equality of conditions – it only guarantees equality of opportunity.” – Irving Kristol

“There is no reason anyone would want a computer in their home.” – Ken Olson, president, chairman and founder of Digital Equipment Corp., 1977

“The concept is interesting and well-formed, but in order to earn better than a ‘C’, the idea must be feasible.” – A Yale University management professor in response to student Fred Smith‘s paper proposing reliable overnight delivery service (Smith went on to found Federal Express Corp.)

“Who the hell wants to hear actors talk?” – H. M. Warner (1881-1958), founder of Warner Brothers, in 1927

“We don’t like their sound, and guitar music is on the way out.” – Decca Recording Co. rejecting the Beatles, 1962

“Everything that can be invented has been invented.” – Charles H. Duell, Commissioner, U.S. Office of Patents, 1899

“Denial ain’t just a river in Egypt.” – Mark Twain (1835-1910)

“A pint of sweat saves a gallon of blood.” – General George S. Patton (1885-1945)

“After I’m dead I’d rather have people ask why I have no monument than why I have one.” – Cato the Elder (234-149 BC, AKA Marcus Porcius Cato)

“He can compress the most words into the smallest idea of any man I know.” – Abraham Lincoln (1809-1865)

“Don’t let it end like this. Tell them I said something.” – last words of Pancho Villa (1877-1923)

“The right to swing my fist ends where the other man’s nose begins.” – Oliver Wendell Holmes (1841-1935)

“The difference between fiction and reality? Fiction has to make sense.” – Tom Clancy

“It’s not the size of the dog in the fight, it’s the size of the fight in the dog.” – Mark Twain (1835-1910)

“It is better to be feared than loved, if you cannot be both.” – Niccolo Machiavelli (1469-1527), “The Prince”

“Whatever is begun in anger ends in shame.” – Benjamin Franklin (1706-1790)

“The President has kept all of the promises he intended to keep.” – Clinton aide George Stephanopolous speaking on Larry King Live

“We’re going to turn this team around 360 degrees.” – Jason Kidd, upon his drafting to the Dallas Mavericks

“Half this game is ninety percent mental.” – Yogi Berra

“There is only one nature – the division into science and engineering is a human imposition, not a natural one. Indeed, the division is a human failure; it reflects our limited capacity to comprehend the whole.” – Bill Wulf

“There’s many a bestseller that could have been prevented by a good teacher.” – Flannery O’Connor (1925-1964)

“He has all the virtues I dislike and none of the vices I admire.” – Sir Winston Churchill (1874-1965)

“Write drunk; edit sober.” – Ernest Hemingway (1899-1961)

“I criticize by creation – not by finding fault.” – Cicero (106-43 B.C.)

“Love is friendship set on fire.” – Jeremy Taylor

“God gave men both a penis and a brain, but unfortunately not enough blood supply to run both at the same time.” – Robin Williams, commenting on the Clinton/Lewinsky affair

“My occupation now, I suppose, is jail inmate.” – Unibomber Theodore Kaczynski, when asked in court what his current profession was

“Woman was God’s second mistake.” – Friedrich Nietzsche (1844-1900)

“This isn’t right, this isn’t even wrong.” – Wolfgang Pauli (1900-1958), upon reading a young physicist’s paper

“For centuries, theologians have been explaining the unknowable in terms of the-not-worth-knowing.” – Henry Louis Mencken (1880-1956)

“Pray, v.: To ask that the laws of the universe be annulled on behalf of a single petitioner confessedly unworthy.” – Ambrose Bierce (1842-1914)

“Every normal man must be tempted at times to spit upon his hands, hoist the black flag, and begin slitting throats.” – Henry Louis Mencken (1880-1956)

“Now, now my good man, this is no time for making enemies.” – Voltaire (1694-1778) on his deathbed in response to a priest asking that he renounce Satan.

“Fill the unforgiving minute with sixty seconds worth of distance run.” – Rudyard Kipling (1865-1936)

“He would make a lovely corpse.” – Charles Dickens (1812-1870)

“I’ve just learned about his illness. Let’s hope it’s nothing trivial.” – Irvin S. Cobb

“I worship the quicksand he walks in.” – Art Buchwald

“Wagner’s music is better than it sounds.” – Mark Twain (1835-1910)

“A poem is never finished, only abandoned.” – Paul Valery (1871-1945)

“We are not retreating – we are advancing in another Direction.” – General Douglas MacArthur (1880-1964)

“If you were plowing a field, which would you rather use? Two strong oxen or 1024 chickens?” – Seymour Cray (1925-1996), father of supercomputing

“#3 pencils and quadrille pads.” – Seymoure Cray (1925-1996) when asked what CAD tools he used to design the Cray I supercomputer; he also recommended using the back side of the pages so that the grid lines were not so dominant.

“Interesting – I use a Mac to help me design the next Cray.” – Seymoure Cray (1925-1996) when he was told that Apple Inc. had recently bought a Cray supercomputer to help them design the next Mac.

“Your Highness, I have no need of this hypothesis.” – Pierre Laplace (1749-1827), to Napoleon on why his works on celestial mechanics make no mention of God.

“I choose a block of marble and chop off whatever I don’t need.” – Francois-Auguste Rodin (1840-1917), when asked how he managed to make his remarkable statues

“The man who does not read good books has no advantage over the man who cannot read them.” – Mark Twain (1835-1910)

“The truth is more important than the facts.” – Frank Lloyd Wright (1868-1959)

“Research is what I’m doing when I don’t know what I’m doing.” – Wernher Von Braun (1912-1977)

“There are only two tragedies in life: one is not getting what one wants, and the other is getting it.” – Oscar Wilde (1854-1900)

“There are only two ways to live your life. One is as though nothing is a miracle. The other is as though everything is a miracle.” – Albert Einstein (1879-1955)