Shopping is better than sex. At least if you’re not satisfied, you can exchange it for something you really like. – Adrienne Gusoff
An archeologist is the best husband any woman can have; the older she gets, the more interested he is in her. – Agatha Christie
Women marry men hoping they will change.
Men marry women hoping they will not.
So each is inevitably disappointed. – Albert Einstein
Put your hand on a hot stove for a minute, and it seems like an hour. Sit with a pretty girl for an hour, and it seems like a minute. That’s relativity. – Albert Einstein
Men make the highs higher and the lows more frequent. – Anonymous
You know it’s love when you want to keep holding hands even after you’re sweaty. – Anonymous
The four most important words in any marriage…”I’ll do the dishes.” – Anonymous
No man is truly married until he understands every word his wife is NOT saying. – Anonymous
Marriage is like jogging through a puddle of industrial strength rubber glue. You can work hard and make it through the struggles; however, you usually leave your bobby socks and sneakers behind along the way. – Anonymous
When a relationship goes flat, so does a couple of sets of car tires. – Anonymous
Men only have two faults….What they do, and what they say! – Anonymous
You can’t buy love on eBay. – Anonymous
If sex is such a natural phenomenon, how come there are so many books on how to do it? – Bette Midler
A man is already halfway in love with any woman who listens to him. – Brendan Francis
Love is an electric blanket with somebody else in control of the switch. – Cathy Carlyle
Marriage is a romance in which the heroine dies in the first chapter. – Cecilia Egan
The trouble with some women is that they get all excited about nothing — and then marry him. – Cher
Men aren’t necessities, they’re luxuries. – Cher
By the time you swear you’re his,
Shivering and sighing,
And he vows his passion is infinite, undying –
Lady, make note of this: One of you is lying. – Dorothy Parker
I’m always looking for meaningful one night stands. – Dudley Moore
Marriage has no guarantees. If that’s what you’re looking for, go live with a car battery. – Erma Bombeck
Romantic love is mental illness. But it’s a pleasurable one. It’s a drug. It distorts reality, and that’s the point of it. It would be impossible to fall in love with someone that you really saw. – Fran Lebowitz
It is impossible to love and be wise. – Francis Bacon
Marriage marks the end of many short follies – being one long stupidity. – Friedrich Nietzsche
Love is a mutual self-giving which ends in self-recovery. – Fulton J. Sheen
Men are from Earth. Women are from Earth. Deal with it. – George Carlin
Remember, beneath every cynic there lies a romantic, and probably an injured one. – Glenn Beck
I was married by a judge. I should have asked for a jury. – Groucho Marx
To be happy with a man you must understand him a lot and love him a little. To be happy with a woman you must love her a lot and not try to understand her at all. – Helen Rowland
Nobody will ever win the battle of the sexes. There’s too much fraternizing with the enemy. – Henry Kissinger
When we got married I told my wife “If you leave me, I’m going with you.” And she never did. – James Fineous McBride
Marrying a man is like buying something you’ve been admiring for a long time in a shop window. You may love it when you get it home, but it doesn’t always go with everything else in the house. – Jean Kerr
“It’s funny how we set qualifications to the right person to love, when we know at the back of our heads the person whom we truly love will always be an exception.” – Ally McBeal
