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George Bernard Shaw Quotes

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Life isn’t about finding yourself. Life is about creating yourself.

Life levels all men. Death reveals the eminent.

Life would be tolerable but for its amusements.

Love is a gross exaggeration of the difference between one person and everybody else.

Man can climb to the highest summits, but he cannot dwell there long.

Marriage is an alliance entered into by a man who can’t sleep with the window shut, and a woman who can’t sleep with the window open.

Marriage is good enough for the lower classes: they have facilities for desertion that are denied to us.

Marriage is popular because it combines the maximum of temptation with the maximum of opportunity.

Martyrdom: The only way a man can become famous without ability.

Men are wise in proportion, not to their experience, but to their capacity for experience.

Men have to do some awfully mean things to keep up their respectability.

Miracles, in the sense of phenomena we cannot explain, surround us on every hand: life itself is the miracle of miracles.

Most people do not pray; they only beg.

My reputation grows with every failure.

Never fret for an only son, the idea of failure will never occur to him.

No man ever believes that the Bible means what it says: He is always convinced that it says what he means.

No man who is occupied in doing a very difficult thing, and doing it very well, ever loses his self-respect.

No question is so difficult to answer as that to which the answer is obvious.

Nothing is ever done in this world until men are prepared to kill one another if it is not done.

Nothing is worth doing unless the consequences may be serious.

Science Quotes

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“Science may set limits to knowledge, but should not set limits to imagination.” – Bertrand Russell

“Science never solves a problem without creating ten more.” – George Bernard Shaw

“Ignorance more frequently begets confidence than does knowledge: it is those who know little, and not those who know much, who so positively assert that this or that problem will never be solved by science.” – Charles Darwin

“There are in fact two things, science and opinion; the former begets knowledge, the latter ignorance.” – Hippocrates

“The saddest aspect of life right now is that science gathers knowledge faster than society gathers wisdom.” – Isaac Asimov

“The important thing in science is not so much to obtain new facts as to discover new ways of thinking about them.” – Sir William Bragg

“New discoveries in science will continue to create a thousand new frontiers for those who still would adventure.” – Herbert Hoover

“However far modern science and techniques have fallen short of their inherent possibilities, they have taught mankind at least one lesson; nothing is impossible.” – Lewis Mumford

“I am among those who think that science has great beauty. A scientist in his laboratory is not only a technician: he is also a child placed before natural phenomena which impress him like a fairy tale.” – Marie Curie

“Science is simply common sense at its best. That is, rigidly accurate in observation, and merciless to fallacy in logic.” – Thomas Huxley

Famous Family Quotes

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“The only rock I know that stays steady, the only institution I know that works is the family.” – Lee Iacocca

“Happiness is having a large, loving, caring, close-knit family in another city.” – George Burns

“A happy family is but an earlier heaven.” – George Bernard Shaw

“You know the only people who are always sure about the proper way to raise children? Those who’ve never had any.” – Bill Cosby

“Family isn’t about whose blood you have. It’s about who you care about.” – Trey Parker and Matt Stone

“All happy families resemble one another. Each unhappy family is unhappy in its own way.” – Leo Tolstoy

“Call it a clan, call it a network, call it a tribe, call it a family. Whatever you call it, whoever you are, you need one.” – Jane Howard

“You don’t choose your family. They are God’s gift to you, as you are to them.” – Desmond Tutu

“As the family goes, so goes the nation and so goes the whole world in which we live.” – Pope John Paul II

“If you cannot get rid of the family skeleton, you may as well make it dance.” – George Bernard Shaw

Aging Quotes #4

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# The troubles of the young are soon over; they leave no external mark. If you wound the tree in its youth the bark will quickly cover the gash; but when the tree is very old, peeling the bark off … you will see the scar there still. – Olive Schreiner

# We don’t stop playing because we grow old; we grow old because we stop playing. – George Bernard Shaw

# What old people say you cannot do, you try and find that you can. Old deeds for old people, and new deeds for new. – Henry David Thoreau

# When you finally go back to your old home, you find it wasn’t the old home you missed but your childhood. – Sam Ewing

# Why is it that, as we grow older, we are so reluctant to change? It is not so much that new ideas are painful, for they are not. It is that old ideas are seldom entirely false, but have truth, great truth in them. The justification for conservatism is the desire to preserve the truths and standards of the past; its dangers, of which we are seldom aware, is that in preserving those values, we may miss the infinitely greater riches that lie in the future. – Dale Turner

# Wisdom doesn’t necessarily come with age. Sometimes age just shows up all by itself. – Tom Wilson

# Women may be the one group that grows more radical with age. – Gloria Steinem

# The years like great black oxen tread the world,
And God, the herdsman goads them on behind,
And I am broken by their passing feet. – William Butler Yeats

# You and I are old… Though much is taken, much abides; and though
We are not now that strength which in old days
Moved earth and heaven, that which we are, we are–
One equal temper of heroic hearts,
Made weak by time and fate, but strong in will
To strive, to seek, to find, and not to yield. – Alfred, Lord Tennyson (Ulysses)

# You are as young as your faith, as old as your doubt; as young as your self-confidence, as old as your fear as young as your hope, as old as your despair. – Douglas MacArthur

# You can judge your age by the amount of pain you feel when you come in contact with a new idea. – John Nuveen

# You know you are getting old when the candles cost more than the cake. – Bob Hope

Famous People Quotes #9

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“It is time I stepped aside for a less experienced and less able man.” – Professor Scott Elledge on his retirement from Cornell

“Every day I get up and look through the Forbes list of the richest people in America. If I’m not there, I go to work.” – Robert Orben

“The cynics are right nine times out of ten.” – Henry Louis Mencken (1880-1956)

“There are some experiences in life which should not be demanded twice from any man, and one of them is listening to the Brahms Requiem.” – George Bernard Shaw (1856-1950)

“And I looked, and behold a pale horse: and his name that sat on him was Death, and Hell followed with him.” – Revelation 6:8

“Attention to health is life’s greatest hindrance.” – Plato (427-347 B.C.)

“Plato was a bore.” – Friedrich Nietzsche (1844-1900)

“Nietzsche was stupid and abnormal.” – Leo Tolstoy (1828-1910)

“I’m not going to get into the ring with Tolstoy.” – Ernest Hemingway (1899-1961)

“Hemingway was a jerk.” – Harold Robbins

“Men are not disturbed by things, but the view they take of things.”
– Epictetus (55-135 A.D.)

“What about things like bullets?” – Herb Kimmel, Behavioralist, Professor of Psychology, upon hearing the above quote (1981)

“How can I lose to such an idiot?” – A shout from chessmaster Aaron Nimzovich (1886-1935)

“Not only is there no God, but try finding a plumber on Sunday.” – Woody Allen (1935-)

“I don’t feel good.” – The last words of Luther Burbank (1849-1926)

“Nothing is wrong with California that a rise in the ocean level wouldn’t cure.” – Ross MacDonald (1915-1983)

“Men have become the tools of their tools.” – Henry David Thoreau (1817-1862)

“I have never let my schooling interfere with my education.” – Mark Twain (1835-1910)

“It is now possible for a flight attendant to get a pilot pregnant.” – Richard J. Ferris, president of United Airlines

“I never miss a chance to have sex or appear on television.” – Gore Vidal

“I don’t want to achieve immortality through my work; I want to achieve immortality through not dying.” – Woody Allen (1935-)

“Men and nations behave wisely once they have exhausted all the other alternatives.” – Abba Eban (1915-2002)

“A consensus means that everyone agrees to say collectively what no one believes individually.” – Abba Eban (1915-2002)

“To sit alone with my conscience will be judgment enough for me.” – Charles William Stubbs

“Sanity is a madness put to good uses.” – George Santayana (1863-1952)

“Imitation is the sincerest form of television.” – Fred Allen (1894-1956)

“Always do right- this will gratify some and astonish the rest.” – Mark Twain (1835-1910)

“In America, anybody can be president. That’s one of the risks you take.” – Adlai Stevenson (1900-1965)

“Copy from one, it’s plagiarism; copy from two, it’s research.” – Wilson Mizner (1876-1933)

“Why don’t you write books people can read?” – Nora Joyce to her husband James (1882-1941)

“Some editors are failed writers, but so are most writers.” – T. S. Eliot (1888-1965)

“Criticism is prejudice made plausible.” – Henry Louis Mencken (1880-1956)

“It is better to be quotable than to be honest.” – Tom Stoppard

“Being on the tightrope is living; everything else is waiting.” – Karl Wallenda

“Opportunities multiply as they are seized.” – Sun Tzu

“A scholar who cherishes the love of comfort is not fit to be deemed a scholar.” – Lao-Tzu (570?-490? BC)

” The best way to predict the future is to invent it.” – Alan Kay

“Never mistake motion for action.” – Ernest Hemingway (1899-1961)

“I contend that we are both atheists. I just believe in one fewer god than you do. When you understand why you dismiss all the other possible gods, you will understand why I dismiss yours.” – Sir Stephen Henry Roberts (1901-1971)

“Hell is paved with good samaritans.” – William M. Holden

If you… #2

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– “If you can’t dance, don’t blame the dance floor.”

– “If you can’t laugh at yourself, you may be missing the joke of the century.”

– “If you can’t say something nice, become a reporter.”

– “If you can’t sleep, don’t count sheep. Talk to the Shepherd.”

– “If you can’t sleep, then get up and do something instead of lying there worrying. It’s the worry that gets you, not the lack of sleep.” – Dale Carnegie

– “If you could kick the person responsible for most of your troubles in the backside, you wouldn’t be able to sit down for two weeks.”

– “If you decide not to choose then you’ve already made the wrong choice!”

– “If you depend on others to make you happy, you will be endlessly disappointed.”

– “If you don’t do it, you’ll never know what would have happened if you had done it.” – Ashleigh Brilliant

– “If you don’t have time to do it right, you must have time to do it over.”

– “If you don’t know where you are going, every road will get you nowhere.” – Henry Kissinger

– “If you don’t know where you’re going how do you expect to get there.”

– “If you don’t like something about yourself, change it. If you can’t change it, accept it.” – Ted Shackelford

– “If you don’t like the road you’re walking, pave another one.” – Dolly Parton

– “If you don’t like the way you were born, try being born again.”

– “If you don’t love, you can’t live; if you don’t live, you can’t love.” – Jason Benson

– “If you don’t stand for something, you’ll fall for anything.”

– “If you don’t want your children to hear what you’re saying, pretend you’re speaking directly to them.”

– “If you do your best, don’t mind the rest.” – Irish Proverb

– “If you drop a white glove into the mud, the glove will get muddy but the mud will never get glovey.”

– “If you ever need a helping hand, there is one at the end of your arm.”

– “If you fail to prepare, you prepare to fail.”

– “If you find a four-leaf clover, it means you have entirely too much time on your hands.”

– “If you follow in others footsteps you will never leave yours behind.”

– “If you gave me something I need more than you do, you’ve given me a gift; If you’ve given me something you need more than I do, you’ve gifted me with love.”

– “If you get to thinkin’ you’re a person of some influence, try orderin’ somebody else’s dog around.”

– “If you give 100%, God will make up the difference!”

– “If you go out looking for friends, you’re going to find they are very scarce. If you go out to be a friend, you’ll find them everywhere.” – Zig Zigler

– “If you have an apple and I have an apple and we exchange these apples then you and I will still each have one apple.”

– “But if you have an idea and I have an idea and we exchange these ideas, then each of us will have two ideas.” – George Bernard Shaw (1856-1950)

– “If you have food in the refrigerator, clothes on your back, a roof overhead, and a place to sleep…you are richer than 75% of this world.”

– “If you have money in the bank, in your wallet, and spare change in a dish someplace…you are among the top 8% of the world’s wealthy.”

– “If you have much, give of your wealth; if you have little, give of your heart.” – Arab proverb

– “If you have never been hated by your child, you have never been a parent.” – Bette Davis

– “If you haven’t all the things that you want, be thankful for all the things that you don’t have that you didn’t want.”

– “If you haven’t much education you must use your brain.”

Superbly Sarcastic Sayings About Life

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“I am not young enough to know everything.” – Oscar Wilde

“Some cause happiness wherever they go; others whenever they go.” – Oscar Wilde

“Marriage is the chief cause of divorce.” – Groucho Marx

“History teaches us that men and nations behave wisely once they have exhausted all other alternatives.” – Abba Eban

“I know not with what weapons World War III will be fought, but World War IV will be fought with sticks and stones.” – Albert Einstein

“Two things are infinite: the universe and human stupidity; and I’m not sure about the the universe. ” – Albert Einstein

“Not everything that can be counted counts, and not everything that counts can be counted. ” – Albert Einstein

“In order to form an immaculate member of a flock of sheep one must, above all, be a sheep ” – Albert Einstein

“Education is what remains after one has forgotten everything he learned in school. ” – Albert Einstein

“The trouble with her is that she lacks the power of conversation but not the power of speech. ” – George Bernard Shaw

Funny Quotes

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– “My Father had a profound influence on me, he was a lunatic.” – Spike Milligan

– “My father would take me to the playground, and put me on mood swings.” – Jay London

– “My grandmother started walking five miles a day when she was sixty. She’s ninety-seven now, and we don’t know where the hell she is.” – Ellen DeGeneres

– “My inner child is not wounded.” – Shannen Doherty

– “My theory is that all of Scottish cuisine is based on a dare.” – Mike Myers

– “Never fight an inanimate object.” – P. J. O’Rourke

– “Never floss with a stranger.” – Joan Rivers

– “Never have more children than you have car windows.” – Erma Bombeck

– “Never raise your hand to your children – it leaves your midsection unprotected.” – Robert Orben

– “Never wear anything that panics the cat.” – P. J. O’Rourke

– “Nobody ever went broke underestimating the taste of the American public.” – H. L. Mencken

– “O Lord, help me to be pure, but not yet.” – Saint Augustine

– “Oh, the tiger will love you. There is no sincerer love than the love of food.” – George Bernard Shaw

– “Older people shouldn’t eat health food, they need all the preservatives they can get.” – Robert Orben

– “One man’s folly is another man’s wife.” – Helen Rowland

– “Originality is the fine art of remembering what you hear but forgetting where you heard it.” – Laurence J. Peter

– “Our national flower is the concrete cloverleaf.” – Lewis Mumford

– “Parents are the last people on earth who ought to have children.” – Samuel Butler

– “Parrots make great pets. They have more personality than goldfish.” – Chevy Chase

– “People always ask me, ‘Were you funny as a child?’ Well, no, I was an accountant.” – Ellen DeGeneres

Best Quotes about music

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– “If music be the food of love, play on; /Give me excess of it that, surfeiting, / The appetite may sicken and so die.” – Shakespeare

– “There is only one better thing than music – live music.” – Jacek Bukowski

– “After silence, that which comes nearest to expressing the inexpressible is music.” – Aldous Huxley

– “Hell is full of musical amateurs: music is the brandy of the damned.” – George Bernard Shaw

– “I hate music, especially when it’s played.” – Jimmy Durante

– “I think I should have no other mortal wants, if I could always have plenty of music. It seems to infuse strength into my limbs and ideas into my brain. Life seems to go on without effort, when I am filled with music.” – George Eliot

– “Music expresses that which cannot be said and on which it is impossible to be silent.” – Victor Hugo

– “Music is a discipline, and a mistress of order and good manners, she makes the people milder and gentler, more moral and more reasonable.” – Martin Luther

– “Music is what I love and it’s what I feel and it’s in me and to know that I can do something that I enjoy and hopefully bring some enjoyment to other people through is an incredible felling and I am just really thankful for it.” – Mariah Carey

– “Music makes one feel so romantic – at least it always gets on one’s nerves – which is the same thing nowadays.” – Oscar Wilde

– “There is no feeling, except the extremes of fear and grief, that does not find relief in music.” – George Eliot

– “The whole problem can be stated quite simply by asking, «Is there a meaning to music?» My answer would be, «Yes.» And «Can you state in so many words what the meaning is?» My answer to that would be, «No.»” – Aaron Copland

50 funny quotes

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1. “Borrow money from a pessimist – they don’t expect it back” – Unknown

2. “Young men want to be faithful, and are not; old men want to be faithless, and cannot.” – Unknown

3. “Friendship is like peeing on yourself: everyone can see it, but only you get the warm feeling that it brings.” – Unknown

4. “I am so clever that sometimes I don’t understand a single word of what I am saying.” – Oscar Wilde

5. “Son, if you really want something in this life, you have to work for it. Now quiet! They’re about to announce the lottery numbers.” – Homer Simpson

6. “I am not a vegetarian because I love animals; I am a vegetarian because I hate plants.” – Whitney Brown

7. “When you are courting a nice girl an hour seems like a second. When you sit on a red-hot cinder a second seems like an hour. That’s relativity.” – Albert Einstein

8. “Dogs are the leaders of the planet. If you see two life forms, one of them is making a poop, the other one is carrying it for him, who would you assume is in charge.” – Jerry Seinfeld

9. “Here’s something to think about: How come you never see a headline like «Psychic Wins Lottery» ?” – Jay Leno

10. “One of the great things about books is sometimes there are some fantastic pictures.” – George W. Bush

11. “Insurance is like marriage. You pay, pay, pay, and you never get anything back.” – Al Bundy

12. “The only thing that interferes with my learning is my education.” – Albert Einstein

13. “My advice to you is get married: if you find a good wife you’ll be happy; if not, you’ll become a philosopher.” – Socrates

14. “Gas is getting so expensive I’m gonna ride a mexican to work.” – Chris Rock

15. “Men want the same thing from their underwear that they want from women: a little
bit of support, and a little bit of freedom.” – Jerry Seinfeld

16. “Never stand between a dog and the hydrant.” – John Peers

17. “I believe that sex is one of the most beautiful, natural, wholesome things that money can buy.” – Steve Martin

18. “Only two things are necessary to keep one’s wife happy. One is to let her think she is having her own way, and the other is to let her have it.” – Lyndon B. Johnson

19. “Human beings are the only creatures on earth that allow their children to come back home.” – Bill Cosbey

20. “If a man smiles all the time, he’s probably selling something that doesn’t work.” – George Carlin

21. “If you are going through hell, keep going.” – Winston Churchill

22. “Be careful about reading health books. You may die of a misprint.” – Mark Twain

23. “If you love your job, you haven’t worked a day in your life.” – Tommy Lasorda

24. “A lot of people are afraid of heights. Not me, I’m afraid of widths.” – Steven Wright

25. “You tried, and you failed, so the lesson is, never try.” – Homer J. Simpson

26. “Every man is guilty of all the good he didn’t do.” – Voltaire

27. “When an actor marries an actress they both fight for the mirror.” – Burt Reynolds

28. “Absence — that common cure of love.” – Miguel De Cervantes

29. “Always and never are two words you should always remember never to use.” – Wendell Johnson

30. “It matters not whether you win or lose; what matters is whether I win or lose.” – Weinberg

31. “As to marriage or celibacy, let a man take the course he will. He will be sure to repent.” – Socrates

32. “A husband is what’s left of the lover after the nerve has been extracted.” – Helen Rowland

33. “Never insult an alligator until after you have crossed the river.” – Cordel Hull

34. “I like pigs. Dogs look up to us. Cats look down on us. Pigs treat us as equals.” – Winston Churchill

35. “There are three faithful friends — an old wife, an old dog, and ready money.” – Benjamin Franklin

36. “The trouble with being punctual is that nobody’s there to appreciate.” – Franklin P. Jones

37. “All my life, I always wanted to be somebody. Now I see that I should
have been more specific.” – Jane Wagner

38. “The most exciting phrase to hear in science, the one that heralds new
discoveries, is not «Eureka!» (I found it!) but «That’s funny …» ” – Isaac Asimov

39. “Always forgive your enemies; nothing annoys them so much.” – Oscar Wilde

40. “Doing nothing is very hard to do … you never know when you’re finished.” – Leslie Nielsen

41. “The reason why worry kills more people than work is that more people worry than work.” – Robert Frost

42. “The person who writes for fools is always sure of a large audience.” – Arthur Schopenhauer

43. “An archaeologist is the best husband a woman can have; the older she gets the more interested he is in her.” – Agatha Christie

44. “I never forget a face, but in your case I’ll be glad to make an exception.” – Groucho Marx

45. “Good girls go to heaven, bad girls go everywhere.” – Mae West

46. “Beer is living proof that God loves us and wants us to be happy.” – Benjamin Franklin

47. “Dancing: the vertical expression of a horizontal desire.” – George Bernard Shaw

48. “Don’t knock masturbation. It’s sex with someone I love.” – Woody Allen

49. “All women are good – good for nothing, or good for something.” – Miguel De Cervantes

50. “Everything is funny as long as it is happening to somebody else.” – Will Rogers